Why we get offended Bashny.Net

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Resentment is the stimulus?Offense always hides a threat to your idea about yourself – your self-image, self-perception. "I don't deserve this. I'm better than think of me". If a person is experiencing, considers himself offended, for the psychologist obvious that touched a very important chord. What is significant – and vulnerable. Not to offend those that are insignificant. For example, if the past you racing to the other handsome lady, and you have your guy and not worse, even where it wants to run, you can only be happy: there is so much around Valentine's. But if you go on a date did not appear cavalier, it is a shame to all go to no. Of course, most of the offense is not explained rationally, just emotionally experienced.

However, it can be a powerful incentive for improvement. In the Comedy "the Minor" in the image of Mitrofanushka D. I. Fonvizin brought his friend Sasha Olenina, a few utrirovat the main features of his character: laziness, carelessness, immaturity, even silliness. Olenin was very offended. So offended that you started. Improved in Strasbourg, Dresden, was an artist and one of the most educated people of Russia. And even was elected President of the Academy of arts.

Hurt – disease?But, alas, in most cases, the resentment never goes beyond the negative emotions. First, it obscures logic, saranya doubt, self-doubt, or, conversely, opalka offended against people. A person ceases to realistically assess the situation, picture of the world distorted, everything begins to be drawn in the darkest colors.

Secondly, and this may be the most important "offensive" negative emotions tend to accumulate, giving rise to small and often inadequate to the problem, which can then spill over into the grandiose scandals, divorces, mental disorders (including suicide), psychosomatic diseases – hypertension, gastric ulcer, duodenal ulcer. According to the observations of some doctors who came from the subconscious problem be the impetus for the emergence of oncologic diseases, and also for new growth of the tumor, which was removed.

Load of grievances leads to the reassessment of the relations. How does it look? Let's say you "hurt" at work. "Boss specifically gives me such a job that I can barely cope" (boss not up to the intrigue is the end of the quarter, and the blood from the nose should be debriefed.). Or family: "I can see he doesn't like me, sits and watches football specifically to humiliate me" (but my husband is just interested in this match).

Often the accumulation of small grievances can lead to the disintegration of the family. If time does not talk, does not clarify the situation, activate the "counter" offense. The one who sulks everywhere begin to seem "unfair" infringements on his person. Wherever push – all will be painful response. And only the unwinding of the tangle of offense can lead to a true problem: it turns out that the cause of the quarrels was not the soup, not football, not friends-friends, and the spouse simply stopped paying attention to each other.

Where's the exit?

But if you really seriously hurt? How to get out of the oppressive state? Frankly, to give advice to all is not easy. Because each offense-specific as well as unique you are. But as soon as we all share the human principle, "dare to" recommend the following.

1. The best prevention is to TALK through the problem, to translate it from the language of emotions into the language of logic. Need to understand myself: why IT offends me. So you finally know what is important to you in life. If you have a true friend, a friend who are willing to understand and listen, is open to them. You will not only relieve mental stress, perhaps they will help you to admit to myself that a confession alone is not wanted.

2. If you can't unwind the tangle of grievances, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. Sometimes only the third or fourth step the person can understand the deep cause of resentment.

This is especially difficult for a narcissist, artisticum men who have reached the age when 18-year-old cease them to get involved. Rather, young people still admires their professionalism, intelligence. But such people want to be ahead on all counts: I'm a lover number one, teacher number one, and the doctor, and the artist... They remain confident that irresistible. And if you can hear in his address the bitter truth, offended is not a joke. But to admit true motives can not. Such resentment is difficult we seek the root cause is also not uncommon, and without the expert here can not do.

3. A good way to "deal" with a grudge is to write a letter to an old friend or keeping a diary. The need to clearly Express your thoughts will soon be forced to understand themselves. And perhaps resentment, in time grow into a problem, will be not so significant that you spent her time and effort.

4. If there is no faithful friend, no one to write, and to talk you need to dial the "helpline". With a stranger (for example, with a passenger, fellow traveler) communicate more openly than with loved ones, and it helps to understand the situation.

5. Do not take decisions immediately. It is better to take a time-out, postponing the dispute until the next day, and go to sleep. Say to yourself as the heroine of the novel gone with the wind: "I'll think About it tomorrow."

6. Laugh often and do "I" look inside yourself every day and not just during the "shipwreck". Regularly Osadchaya yourself questions: what is significant for me and what doesn't. Look at the world respectfully, but not timidly, seriously but with a smile. Be in the best sense, self-sufficient. Instead of hold a grudge on the whole world, smile at him. Want to know how to relate to the world and, therefore, to the people, one a self-sufficient person – Socrates? "My enemies can kill me, but to insult – not".

That's interesting.

In the Russian language "insult" means unfairly caused the disappointment, the insult and the consequent feeling. In ancient times, this word was synonymous with a slap in the face: when not hit hard, and slightly hurt. No bruise, is experienced as even more painful than if seriously beaten. published 

Author: Valeria Korostyleva

Source: www.cosmopapin.ru/?q=book/export/html/12