In everyday life we often have to wait. Queue, consulates, universities, banks, traffic jams, and this is not a complete list of places where you can feel helpless and anxious. How to eliminate anxiety and anger? Is it possible to learn to live in the present moment, accepting it as eating a Translation of an article by writer David Kane.
Some people do not like to be late, come to the meeting ridiculously early and be forced to wander around or sit in a nearby Park, waiting for the appointed time. And yet even they sometimes come too late. It is often quite painful. Standing in the mirror, you look at the clock and realize that I did not make the meeting. 7:47, 7:54, 8:07 — and you still crawl on the highway in traffic. In such moments it seems that everything inside is boiling. You to death angry at the one who was the cause of the tube — because it is always easier when you blame someone else.
I remember once I almost went crazy, stuck at a traffic light on my way to work in the important day. The clock was 8:15, I was sitting in the car, close all Windows, and at some point loudly said, "Hey! I need to be at work right now!"It was so stupid, and I suddenly realized it. I have not experienced such an acute need to be in the office. I was here, in his car. And aside from anger and fear, there was nothing wrong with that. In fact, I would call it a "preference" to be in office but not need. I was not able to change the place of residence — and therefore no reason to worry. With the same success I could begin to insist that I needed a unicorn, and immediately.
This experience allows us to reconsider the feelings that arise because of delays and other unpleasant things. You can always just be where you are (and of course nothing is impossible). In fact, the task is to learn to consciously afford it. And even the idea to turn their "needs" in "preference" — also a very powerful tool, according to a specialist in personal growth Ken Keyers Jr. As a result, you suddenly find yourself in your car, on the watch, 8:11, head aches, and on the radio sting. And it's not bad. You still feel the shame and the fear that you will shout at the office, but I feel that it is in order and that such experiences can be understood.
Perhaps this thought someone may seem unusual, but actually to experience unpleasant feelings is normal. And normally, when there are undesired events. You can just notice them consciously perceiving as a part of life, and this greatly reduces the degree of trauma of the experience. Conditions remain unpleasant, but horrible to be longer. All types of pain can be done in varying degrees controlled, if you allow the pain to exist where it originated. Indeed, the need to be not where you are, often it becomes a stress and causes pain.
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In the West, people usually not work out its ability to consider valuable (or even prevent) that something went on as usual. But mindfulness and meditation practices can make this fundamental skill is part of everyday life, increasing its quality. By themselves they suggest the formation of a new relationship to pain. And due to this unexpected chess castling occur striking changes: suddenly you understand, that are present in the current moment, and you no longer need to be afraid of difficult feelings, because they are already there. This positive willingness, if you are able to form, eliminates the most unpleasant elements of complex situations: panic, emotional instability reaction, despair or even horror. The threat disappears, and the only thing you have to do is to let happen what is already happening.
This acceptance, of course, does not exclude the desire to change the situation in their favor, if you can act. It is applicable to a huge number daily and we experience unpleasant moments: dealing with cranky kids, waiting in queues or at the door of the audience when you don't know, passed the exam. The main thing here is to allow yourself to be present within a situation in which you wholeheartedly wish to change. After all, if we are talking about waiting for the results of the examination, the worst part is, sometimes, anxiety and uncertainty, and not it myself the potential outcome.
When nothing can be changed, you just need to adjust their attitude to the situation. If the room is hot, let it be hot. If the friend did not answer the message, then, is not answered. But of course, this is not necessarily imperative to achieve perfection. Sometimes this positive willingness it is impossible to find in itself, but sometimes you just forget about the possibility of such searches. And yet, if you take in a habit of constant monitoring of their own mood (anxiety, anger, insecurity), it will become clear that it has a huge impact on the degree of reluctance to be in the current moment when this reluctance is. What kind of feeling you "should not" experience? And unless you can not just continue, even in the midst of it? This element of our daily awareness, it seems, remains one of the most useful things that only you can learn. Because we so often suffer from minor things simply because they are not accustomed to allow yourself to be where we are, even if elsewhere we can can not.published