The harsh truth about the woman in the decree, or out of, "not in vain eat bread»
Fifty million five hundred seventy nine thousand five hundred twenty two
Scene from the movie "I don't know how she does it»
Succumbing to a distorted public view of the hard work mom, who consider it "idleness", woman often try to get out of the way, "not in vain the bread is." Their whole life is subordinated to the family in General and children in particular, and all the thoughts that she should rest, are stopped herself at the root, as an undeserved reward. I think this underestimation of the motherhood society and itself and results in severe postnatal depression. You bend over backwards, but still a priori "what is tired, because sitting at home", and if you get into the Internet, your severe psychological (not to mention physical fatigue) the voltage is multiplied by the zero terms of the type "ovulyashka".
And here's the woman, in addition to the mother-housewife, becomes mom-the freelancer, and the multiplication by zero is not going away. I wrote one of my readers -copywriters in one of the conversations about freelancing: her childless friend working in the office, calls her and demands a meeting at any time and are extremely offended when she said that now she's ordering and she had no time. "As it once?"— outraged and offended friend, "After all, you're HOME!".
And now, what would you do, public opinion will not be on your side, because from the screens and glossy coated to shed a very different benchmark of successful women: careers in office and beautiful appearance, all! And there among this values of motherhood, and neglect — complete. Unfortunately, the modern mind is so inverted that the work of a middle Manager put above labor for the birth and upbringing of the new man, member of society.
And here you are a freelancer, what's the face in the first place? You will be required to pull your whole life, thus vykraivaya time to work. While your Pets are accustomed that you every squeak jump and rush to help, to rebuild do not plan to. It is possible to say that you are BUSY, but few will take it seriously.
One mom working from home, told me that even closing in the room and persistently forbidding to touch her, every few minutes come the children, then the spouse to ask for something or ask to do. I think there is no longer just a habit to see mom next door, how much "capture the territory": mother, you are ours and only ours, and no personal time.
Some tips about how to teach home to take your work seriously:
So you're serious about being a freelancer or are already a freelancer. As paradoxical it sounds, the first thing you will prevent, children, second husband and I am quite serious about this. When I discussed here with moms working at home, the issue of respect and serious commitment to the work of the freelancer, I realized that almost without exception found a lack of understanding of this kind of work. Mom/wife at home, which means she belongs entirely to the family sincerely think children/husband. And not surprising, because in this role you knew up to this point and it is difficult to imagine that something has changed.
How did this relationship grow legs? The woman who "stays at home", often experiencing guilt, which is actively enforced by society. It is believed that the mother in the decree a real goofball who does that looks series, while the child sleeps or plays. While men are not eager to have a baby at least a couple of hours, not to mention a couple of days, because it's really, really hard. I heard the expression from a man that "Well, you're built for this" — that is, apparently, know a certain sacred word house there is a dinner, in the cabinets – clean linen, and the child is a special button, which is on time off.
How to deal with it? How to convey to others that your occupation seriously and demands respect?
Tell about the work. Please share your successes. My books are on the shelf in plain view, and on the wall hung a collage of travel. I mean, what are you doing now, almost daily, keeping family up to date. List the kind of work performed today: I wrote two chapters, made three posts, were prepared for lectures or wrote: all it is announced by the family.
If your household is accustomed that if you are on the computer during holidays, will not be easy to change the attitude of the mother with a laptop in his hands. Remember Pavlov's dog? Call and saliva. Same thing here, whether to be offended by a criminal reflex that says if you knock on the keyboard, the answer to letters from friends in social networks? A drop hollows out a stone and showing that you WORK, sooner or later will change the look of your loved ones and their eyes will be understanding and respect.
"And so they should understand it without any training!"— you rebelled. Yes, I agree with you completely, but... not always the case. Therefore, if the family does not work properly to accept your occupation, remain or be offended by them, or to take matters into their own hands.
Be steadfast and immovable. If you have locked the room and work, previously saying that within the hour you not to interfere – stand your ground. You look down, you pull questions and requests? Ignore. If you don't have kids or my husband's turn to watch the kids, the house fire, you do not have got a burglar or happened something else unexpected that requires your participation in a lightning situation, IGNORE my good advice to you.
To drink, to pee, to give the book to wipe the snot, to solve the quarrel and get the cat from under the sofa can without your participation. If you think that family life is derailed if you don't control it, so be it. Accustomed to hyperopic and then will bite your elbows. Do not believe that you can leave alone until you write the lyrics or work with the documents? Just try: week the correct response to "MA-am, mA-am" and you will have full time to work and/or creativity. Do not think that children are so stupid that they will do pointless things like call you when it will not be their desired reaction.
Another thing is that your stay in work you need to visualize, as children do not feel time. For example, in a visible place to put back the timer to see how many minutes left till the moment, when you "return to family".
Spend money purposefully. It is not necessary to invest the earned in everyday products and household chemicals – you as it did up to this point on my husband's salary? Immediately define for themselves what brought freelance, will be spent on certain things. For example, a family has a dream to buy a home 3D theater system? Great, you say, I will defer and accumulate for its implementation. Periodically articulate how much have you gained and how much is left. This will give your work real value in monetary terms.
And don't forget about yourself! You have to spend on personal pleasures, it is a normal positive reinforcement. At the same time, if you Wake up about the conscience and will you pick, always remember that you have to be a little selfish for the good of the family. After all, a satisfied mother, which is in a good mood, much better for everyone than a cunt that knows only "MUST" and have long forgotten what a "happy"one.
Do you have any advice on how to get to respect the work mom?
You yourself respect? Or feel that society and in your eyes devalued your motherhood? published