"When are you getting married? Why not give birth to a child? So what's your tattoo? Did you know that vegetarianism is bad?" Anna Zlatkovska remembers all the stupid questions that you hear from your neighbor, and come to the conclusion that rude people don't care about our feelings.
Their task is to dislodge us from the saddle, make to doubt your own importance. The majority of people of our nationality has a typical trait — the faux pas. Although perhaps I got carried away, making this property a national spot, but since my communication happens with a typical Belarusian, say, as you can see. I'm not rattling off statistics and try to develop this issue to some psychological depths. I am an ordinary girl, well, woman thirty-two years — I Express, no, shout about what is really humanly got. The faux pas.
Why are you so skinny?
Start with the first example. I'm a girl slim. Even too. Weight ranges from 42 to 45 pounds. I confess: in a strong wind holding the bag. In the institution where I worked for a long time, I had no luck lift. It has a limiter on the weight that the Elevator did not go, children without adults. So here I am, a grown-up woman, lift also gratefully ignored. I anorexic or sick, just a fragile creature, not to consume sweet. Do not like. My weight is fine with me, grandmother and mother nature, too small in stature and weight, no deviation, in General, I do not watch. But many ladies I see, to his horror (and mine too) say that I'm too skinny. Me about it it is reported in the form of a straightforward question: "When are you gonna be okay?", "How can you be so skinny?", "When will you start eating?" — in General, changing the variability, but not an annoying fact of my thinness. I have, apparently, to justify, how dare to be so skinny. I visit the same few thoughts. First: is it decent at all to ask such questions? Weight, color of hair and appearance always is a purely personal matter, and not for others. Second thought: why do these people think they can show me that my complexion doesn't suit them. I don't approach them with the phrase, "You're so fat, eat a lot?"
When you have the baby?
The second example is the children. I think many girls will join me with this little tragedy: sounding in the forehead with his question, "while you're about it?" Ask his relatives, colleagues at work, the familiar cashier at the store. Give birth to first — they will ask about the second. For questions about children you have whether to make excuses, or lie, or to tell the truth to a perfect stranger. Someone is deliberately do not want children, someone had a sad experience. The most opposite in this situation, we're talking about faux pas women who like the outdoors should have a sensitivity. So, one of my close friend Ala got pregnant at twenty, gave birth but the baby died. Ale took eleven years to again called for the desire to become a mother. Without terror in their eyes and cramps in the stomach from the thought that this nightmare could happen again. All these years she had to answer questions from unaware of her tragedy of people, when she will become a mother, the years go! Can you imagine this? About such things as the death of a child, not talking at each intersection. Another friend, Svetlana, for the past two years can not get pregnant.
Worried, but not reflect. Get only the most tactless comments. So when she once again expressed: "What children do not give birth?", she said, "do Not give birth, because it is impossible!" Questioner immediately vanished, showing up and immediately began to feel sorry for her. Pity, by the way, it is absolutely not needed. I'm absolutely convinced that to meddle with people with questions about their appearance, personal life, death and religion you should not.
You know that vegetarianism is bad?
Once we gathered a large company where friends bring friends: you're his pull, and now many of you are unfamiliar acquaintances. Kebab, sausage, tomatoes, summer, cottage, well. One young man refused kebab, explaining that he is a vegetarian. And then many began to question him: "And shoes are worn out substitute?", "And that belt is the same?", "What, sorry little animals?", "Hurt not afraid, I know what lack of protein in the body leads?". Looking at the guy, I saw that he can hear for the thousandth time. Crunching pickle, he waited for the questioning to end. How difficult in our environment to be myself and to have a position! You're not doing anything wrong, but somehow obliged to report to the society. Someone will ask: what's wrong with the questions? If you're just curious? Answer — just wondering children up to five years in which the world will know with the help of adults. Adults is not proper. Interested? Read on the Internet, go to the library, tell the audience that interest you the object, but does not expose all that the people on the interview, if you are in the company of friends.
Why don't you drink?
Another striking example. A colleague complained to me that many of his friends friends had ceased to communicate with him when he stopped drinking alcohol. Met once with friends, ordered tea, and started. "Hey, buddy, what happened? Why not drink? Was coded? Sick? What is with you saying if you don't drink?" These questions pursued him everywhere, in any company, for any reason. And friends they're not alcoholics at all. But from their point of view a man can not abruptly stop drinking alcohol without a serious reason. Obliged to explain. "Well, at least just one!" If you don't drink, you begin to suspect some terrible disease, about which you are silent. Sick colleague was, just decided to live a soft life. He became a father, he wanted to have a clear sober mind and to be a full time assistant to his wife. But in our society it is not customary to accept people that are different from the masses. You need to constantly be on the alert. Different? Justify!
So what's your tattoo?
Many people think that if you got a tattoo, now you're a man, TV: look at me, ask me questions! My arm has a tattoo. Inscription. One woman had twisted my arm to remember the label and search the Internet for what it means. Due to the fact that I refused to disclose the secret of his tattoo, she thought me an ugly special, apostilla incomprehensible mystery. Friend complained, that also got tired of the questions "what does your tattoo? When is the next? All of you are upset that we are suffering, we know!" One little girl about seven years old pulled up her sleeve to examine what's behind the pattern is. A friend made a comment kinda girl, what I heard from the mother of the child: "what do you want? It's also interesting!" That is, you have to entertain all the curious around, even under a t-shirt climb. Nothing is normal, are to blame.
Where our people's perverse desire to question any manifestation of individuality? People who dared to differ from others in their appearance, become circus clowns meant to entertain the celebrating crowd, causing ridicule and curiosity.
I remember being in sixth class in front of classmates the teacher of Russian language and literature, asked me about why I dressed so tacky. They say, how mean a smart girl dared to dress so ugly? I was dressed normally, just I was all my mom's stuff, they were great two sizes. We lived in poverty, barely enough to buy food, purchase clothes and say nothing. The only teacher I didn't say that. I said nothing. But it was a shame really. Insensitive people don't care about your feelings. Their internal task is to throw you off balance by his action to make you doubt your own importance.
Why don't you baptize the child?
Unfortunately, you can't always counter someone else's faux pas. Silence, evasiveness, a smile is a good weapon in this strange war with a lack of culture. But sometimes you have to give up. So I gave up when talking about the baptism of the child. Now I will talk about my understanding of religion, and therefore particularly sensitive believers warn that Express their point of view and nobody and nothing not trying to offend. I only had to hint that I'm not going to baptize her son as I was subjected to sharp attacks from the relatives. Found out that my son will not be a guardian angel, he will continue to hurt, it can jinx it, he will not go to heaven. "Why?" — loudly asked me. The fact that I don't believe all of the above. If angels exist, they are present from birth in every human being. And none of the rituals, sacrifice, pandemonium will not help you get to heaven. If so, and there is something good after we die, then it is possible to earn without doing any harm to anyone.
All the rites of the Church, or rather the baptism, reminds me of a subtle psychological approach, similar to the concept: if you're not with us, then you're not in the party. This is how to come in ballet flats in pretentious night club. You're not, baby. Face control such things.
I don't want to believe in a world where rituals are more important than man and his soul. But when I imagined that all my life I have to answer the question about baptism, to defend their point of view, of course, hurting this deep faithful relatives, I realized that to lose. Every time my child gets sick, I will remind you that it was my fault. Why? Because writing this article about our faux pas, where people feel entitled to meddle in our lives, like cats in the bed, without asking. I'm just tired in this senseless war of religions and opinions. My son, I was christened. Decided if it's harmless, let it be. Now, it is sufficient to the question, "have You christened son?" — answer "Yes". But the difference in worldviews is fine. Prove theorems in mathematics, and not their vision of life.
When you get married?
The crowning glory of all this tactless ugliness is eternal "When are you getting married?" As expressed by one friend of the writer — a shot in the head. Most unbearable in this situation is that the person asking this question, in principle, aware of its stupidity and trouble. That the girl will have to get out somehow, to justify my answer. But this is the kind of sadistic game, otherwise you will not name, to look the victim in the face and enjoy the process. Watch scratching eyes face, catching the slightest signs of embarrassment and insecurity. The game continues for a long time, a generation of women grew up on this issue. The only way to stop this mess, I think, to answer a question with a question: "what is your business?" In the period of spring avitaminosis or Valentine's day you can even Mat. In Saudi Arabia cut off hands for theft, and here to discourage to mind my own business only hard way. Communication should occur easily without the desire to offend, without obscene in its simplicity curiosity. Tactless questions could offend people, not knowing about some internal pain, be depressed, particularly vulnerable people, and the cultural and educated to confound.
I mentioned that the faux pas is our national trait — a sort of simplicity, which we are often proud of. In any case, the examples given by me, happened here in these days. One day, putting the people in place who asked me one of the above questions, I heard, and I quote: "And into this I asked? Into to take offense. Well I dobremu".
This is no excuse. No. People, please stop asking that only cares about yourself. Learn to be mannered. There is one statement from Paul Hayes (German writer, 1830-1914): "From the heartless to protect what you do not show them your heart. Stupid people can still be useful to you, because just after all, something knows and can do, but if you are surrounded by insensitive, it can bring you to total despair." published
Author: Anna Zlatkovska
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©