As the person who has to learn to honestly ask for help, today I want to thank the "insensitive" people. I mean people who feel bad of their own and others personal boundaries
. Because of this, they often dumped anybody intimate things, take on too much, give advice, behave tactlessly, asking awkward questions, in General, annoy everyone. As a rule, they still go and use their openness and kindness in return, these guys often hide their anger under the excess weight, problems with skin or mask of mother Teresa.
But most importantly, they help when not asked. It is the opposite of tactlessness. And sometimes it's very handy. For whom?
When I was very ill, I met a few people like that. I don't know how to ask for help, and they literally pulled me out of a terrible condition. And I'm immensely grateful to them! Yes, then when everything began to improve, I began to notice the faux pas questions, vymatyvanii of other people's secrets, etc. and of course condemned and resisted. And I'm sorry that sometimes I chose too hard of ways that's the only way I knew how.Two sides of the fenceI was so insensitive to other people, and then was surprised when people refused to engage with me intimately intimate conversations, when he was normal.Having been on both sides of the fence, I want to say:
1) if You are faced with such "ingratitude" perhaps You had help and support when You did not ask, allowed to violate their boundaries and trespass;
2) if You are around a lot of tactless and technolody people, ask yourself whether You are aware of Your needs and ask for help directly, honestly expressing the need. Not "what are you doing tonight?", and "I feel bad, please listen to me tonight, I need your support". If not, they You really need, and therefore was close, because they do not have to ask themselves will help.Who needs rude people?
Inability to ask directly, in disbelief that the help is available, fear of being dependent on pushing us manipulation. And who is on them "being"? Of course, that such open, kind and "unlimited" people. They, of course, also play their games, but it's not about that.
When I realized this, I really wanted to build relationships differently. In my circle of friends there are those who do not care for my suffering, whether it be heavy or severe in nature. At first I rejoiced: "finally left me alone!", then toadstool: "look, he/she tons me your tears/anger pours, and I even did not ask what happens to me".
The ability to ask
And then I started to ask. At first clumsy and not what you need, then shyly, briefly and to the point, not really taking inside what I gave in response. And now, relaxed, sincere, with gratitude and dignity.
And I was amazed how supportive, sensitive, caring, can be my to look indifferent friends! Thank you! But I would not come if I didn't have experience of relationships in which people rushed to help my first breath, discoloration of the face or weight (was and is).
It doesn't matter why, but they helped me when I didn't even know that you don't know how to ask, when unconsciously manipulated, hiding her vulnerability under the guise of omniscience, and complaints under philosophical arguments about life. Now I have learned to ask and to be thankful, to stop and to stop in time, spend energy more consciously, more effective help and, of course, with pleasure.
Also interesting: the faux Pas, or why good people say bad things
How to react to a faux pas
We all come from childhood
But when something was different, and I really appreciate this experience. I don't want to dismiss him, so today, write "praise tactless people."
It as a heartfelt tribute to our inept, "limitless" and the children's desire to be approved and need to motivate us to rescue and tactless. It was our way to get for yourself a piece of love, which they lacked in childhood.
And the inability to ask and use "faux pas" of others is our way to avoid the risk of being rejected or enslaved. Our attempt to snatch the respect and care without being consumed and the depreciation of the us as a child went to more than we could bear.published
Author: Anna Negreeva
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©