We all dream about true love that would last a lifetime, no matter how many years we were, and no matter what trials don't have to worry. Almost all lovers have decided to unite their lives, are convinced that they definitely will be able save their relationship for life. But, unfortunately, many marriages fall apart pretty quickly.
In parting, many ex-spouses mistakenly believe that simply chose the wrong partner. After a painful divorce process, they once again head out in search of his "real" half. Yet you are absolutely not there.
Psychologists-experts on the problems of marriage and family believe that a serious relationship between a man and a woman are five stages. Most couples get stuck in the third stage, taking it for "the end", although in reality this is the beginning of building a true and strong love.
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Step one: vlyublennosti is this trick that nature has been used to force people to mate and procreate. The euphoria being experienced in love – it's the cocktail of hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. This feeling is so amazing because in this period, we projected all our hopes and dreams for our beloved.
It seems to us that if we walk together with a partner, all carried out, we firmly believe in the promises themselves generously distribute them, build plans, the impossibility of which will become apparent as soon as we start life together.
We are confident that we will also love each other "till death do us part." While we remain under the influence of the shock dose "hormone of love", you won't be able to think and assess the situation rationally. All attempts of others to "straighten our brains" are doomed to failure.
The second stage: the education of Parana this stage of the relationship moving into the category of "serious" and we become a couple. There are "fruits of love". The connection between us becomes stronger – this is a time of intimacy and joy. We already know that we love our partner, we like to give him joy. Be a joint experience, shared memories, we build our common life.
At this stage, the butterflies in my stomach give way to a sense of security, warmth and community of interests. In bed passion can no longer be, but our sex life we are completely satisfied. All our efforts are appreciated, and the partner also did not forget to indulge us. We believe that this is something the family happiness, we deserve it and because it will last forever.
And when there comes the third stage, we perceive it as a catastrophe.
Stage three: the collapse of illusionist did not prepare us to this point, had not been warned about its inevitability. Two of my previous marriage disintegrated in this period.
During this period, everything starts falling apart – someone slowly and gradually, which is very fast. We begin to disturb and annoy the little things. We do not believe in the love of our partner and care about each other show much less. We feel trapped and want to get out of it.
We annoyed and angry, you feel deeply hurt and lonely. At this time some try to distract myself by loading himself with work, some spend more time with friends, but in any case, the feeling of dissatisfaction is growing like a snowball. We wonder where that person we once fell in love. We yearn for the same love, but don't know where she went and how to get her back.
Sometimes one of the partners decides to end the relationship, and sometimes people continue co-existence, while remaining "strangers".
In this period people often get sick, and this applies to body and mind, and soul. We have his wife, for example, in this period, both the problems started with a heart and the both of us was diagnosed with "atrial fibrillation". I started to have serious problems with erection. In truth, this period was torture.
However, we did not give up. There is such an aphorism: "If you're going through hell, keep going". To the third stage of a relationship, he fits perfectly.
The positive side of the third stage is that at this time we lose many illusions about ourselves and our partner. We have an excellent opportunity to appreciate and love the person who is with us really and not our illusions and projections of our ideas about the "ideal".
My wife and I have been together for thirty-five years. We overcame this difficult period, I learned to agree and moved on to the next stage of our relationship.
Step 4: build a really strong otnosheniyami of the most valuable lessons of the third stage is understanding what causes conflict and pain. Like many children, my wife and I both grew up in not very wealthy families. My parents both suffered from depression, and his father even tried to commit suicide when I was only five years old. The my wife's father was a cruel man and beaten mother. She fled from him to save herself and to save her daughter. We both have plenty of emotional wounds, and we both need love and support.
Psychological studies have shown that trauma experienced in childhood can affect physical and emotional health in the future and affect how will develop its relations with other people. I found a connection between attempted suicide of my father when I was five, and his adult depression and erectile dysfunction.
My wife and I have learned to be allies who help each other to better understand and heal their wounds. As soon as it happened in our home again love and laughter that we thought were lost forever. We began to see each other as wonderful people who suffered a lot in the past and now rewarded with love for each other, who help each other to heal the trauma of our childhood.
There is nothing more beautiful than near the person who sees you for who you are and loves you for who you are. We realized that we cause each other pain, not because we are bad people, and ceased to love each other, but because of our past wounds are still not healed.
Step 5: create your world mestami all know that the world is not perfect. War, conflict, and violence with no end in sight. We sometimes doubt that mankind will be able to lend on this planet for a long time.
Sometimes I think: "even If two loving people can't find acceptance, we hope to build a world that allows all to exist at least tolerable?»
But you can see it from the other side. If two people can learn to understand each other and build a strong relationship, that maybe the world has a chance to get out of constant conflict? published