Modern people-ghosts

It is increasingly common to hear similar stories about those "runaway". The beginning can be different — you have gathered together to go on vacation, the person I wanted to introduce you to their parents or friends your relationship for a month and everything was wonderful. But in the end all the same: "But then he (she) suddenly just disappeared(La)!" Just like that, without explanation.

For such "disappeared poteryashek" the Americans have even invented the word "Ghost."

I bet everyone has at least one friend "Ghost" was that you thought enough of the beloved person, but one fine (or not fine) the moment he, as if through the earth, failed, lost. In this case, have you checked he's not dead, not got into an accident and not the dragged Ghost to the underworld. He's all right, a person has decided without explanation to evaporate from your life: not answering calls, messages, and possibly even withdrew from friends in social networks. This could happen after a couple of meetings, but could after several years of dealing.

"Ghosts" are becoming a mass phenomenon. At least in America, as there is on this subject say often in Newspapers, magazines and discussed in social networks. This topic concerns not only ordinary people but also stars. For example, victims of the "Ghost" was laureate of the award "Oscar" — Sean Penn — his equally famous girlfriend Charlize Theron suddenly broke off all contact with him.

The paradoxes of digital communication

Of course the behavior of "ghosts" is far from new, this happened always. But with the advent of modern technologies this tactic is gaining tremendous momentum. It just so happened that social networks and various apps to communicate online (sms, Skype, Viber, Twitter, etc.) on the one hand allow to be in touch and not lose each other. But when all these features are fully covered, the partner disappears, it brings pain for the one left.

On its website Vox published his reflections author Alex Abad-Santos: "At all times men and women are attracted to each other passion. But with the advent of modern means of communication, she gained a new form: with partners (real or potential) we communicate online, not less, and even more than face to face. We are constantly connected — and this creates difficulties in relationships. Losing a beloved head without end calling the object of his passion, scribbling SMS-Ki and this pressure provokes the partner to flee.

Moreover, communication using digital technologies changes the style of communication between us, it becomes more impersonal. Remember, we can for a day or two, and three, and month not to speak with the man personally, but regularly correspond with him via smartphone or computer. So many just literally forget the basic rules of communication. Therefore, it begins to seem that it is not necessary to explain to the person you no longer want to meet or chat. This idea develops Anna Sayle, journalist, public radio of new York, in the journal of The New York Times. She writes: "We more and more difficult to decide on unpleasant explanations Galazov in the eye, much easier to disappear, "forgetting" to tell your partner that you're breaking up with him, in the hope that eventually the problem resolved itself."

However, The New York Times gives the word by "ghosts".

It turned out that "ghosts" can be a variety of motives.

Here are some examples of explanations of their behavior ghosts.

Jenny Molen, 36 years

"I didn't know how else to get out of this relationship. I said my grandmother died and "covered" the funeral, but my grandmother died much earlier. Once he came last night and began banging on the door, but I have not opened. When it's gone, you don't see how people are suffering."

Joe Became, 25 years

"I chose to disappear after one fight with a friend, who was friends with more than a year. I saw him in me annoyed by those features, which I can't change. It was very sad to realize that I can't be what he wants to see me. And I just deserted."

A negative view of such people, some even organize the campaign "Citizens against the "disappeared". But some stand on their side, protecting. For example, the journalist Amanda marum, which is called his article on one of the sites — "In defense of wisnovsky: elegant way to end the relationship". She was in place of "Ghost", and here is what says about this:"For me, unanswered message much better than a lengthy reasoned announcement of the breakup."


Passive-aggressive strategy

The phenomenon of "disappearing" naturally interested and psychologists. Moreover, this type of clients is not rare in their practice. That is why many psychotherapists subscribe to with clients a contract which, among other things, spelled out the conditions of cessation of therapy: if the client decides to terminate therapy, he undertakes to inform the therapist and then come to another meeting, because the therapist has a moral responsibility to his client.

Psychotherapist Elisabeth joy Lamotte talks about his observations on the subject of "ghosts", throwing their loved ones. Very often only in the course of therapy, they begin to realize how their disappearance could hurt the former partner.

Almost always this behavior is connected with relations in their parental home.

This early childhood experience largely explains why a person chooses the strategy of a "Ghost". However, as acknowledged by the therapist, in modern society, any parting is increasingly becoming a problem. We have forgotten how to say goodbye, it puts us in a difficult position. Even when switching to a new job not all of us feel the need to say goodbye to colleagues with whom we worked not one year.

"Our experience of direct, live communication is gradually shrinking, says Elizabeth joy Lamotte. — We are ready to tell about yourself dozens, hundreds of "friends" in social networks. However, we find it increasingly difficult to build a close relationship with real, not virtual people."

Meanwhile, she said, the experience of complete relationship is very important to us, it gives impetus to the development of our personality.

We Express our respect for another person and yet affirm their right to make an independent decision. Therefore, the passive-aggressive strategy of "Ghost" — not that other, as a missed opportunity of internal growth. published


Author: Alena Bykova

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Source: http:// Alena Bykova


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