Recently, I decided to arrange a holiday and two hours of free time I spent to watch one of my favorite movies: "Dangerous Liaisons," based on the novel Choderlos de Laclos. Oh, I wonder what the movie! What actors, what a game! But the main advantage of this movie is that it shows the viewer the wrong side relationship with a man-tormentor.
Of whom am I speaking? So it called the men who come in family or love relationship with an emotionally dependent women and start to mock them, to apply moral and sometimes physical violence. For them the name "sociopath" is used again. They say it is one of the varieties of psychopathy.
For sociopaths characterized by a lack of empathy. They are not able to sympathize, empathize, to feel sorry, they do not knows the sense of duty and responsibility. They imitate their good, but saying "I'm sorry", in fact, they do not feel pity. This makes them heartless, blind to the suffering of others.
But they have a very well developed ability to show aggression, cruelty, cynicism and other negative qualities. And for sociopaths characterized by a lack of conscience. The availability of a particular action are evaluated solely in terms of "me favorably - I do not profitable»
Even the real threat of punishment are not always keeps them from reprehensible actions. Note that the percentage of criminals among sociopaths higher than the average in the population.
They cleverly powder brains woman, circling her head, and then throw it cynically. They all operate under the same scheme, knowing that, with a high degree of probability to understand that you have prolonged or delayed in toxic relationships.
Symptom №1: I did not love Until you
It is this phrase will tell you a sociopath. It will convey this message to you in different ways, but always - at the beginning of your acquaintance. He will try to convince you in your oneness, will take you on a pedestal, will look into the eyes of a weary gaze, gently hold your pen, sad sigh. From this began his seduction of Madame de Tourvel Vicomte de Valmont.
It will create an atmosphere of space, fantastic love that the world did not know before. What sacrifice? Oh, she had the great honor: warm unhappy with his love, to snatch him out of this darkness, to show him how beautiful it is - to love and be loved. She selflessly taken for the execution of its mission, instead poraskinut brains: how could it happen that a person lived to adulthood and never at anyone not fall in love? After all, it's not normal.
№2 Symptom: You - the first woman he finds worthy
Thousands and thousands of women buy these assurances! Well still - because it sounds so sweet, it gives a feel victorious over all those others, unworthy, and in fact "anything a woman does not rejoice so much as victory over a rival." Rivals. Although in reality these words should alert attentive woman: Is not it strange that a man in his life had not met any decent girl? Surely he came across completely stupid greedy fools? This is the first time.
And the second point - when a person says this, it means that women are not met, worthy - who? - Himself. Is it too much, he thinks of himself? But alas, a woman wants to be the one and only superior to all, and a sociopath gives her the opportunity, what deeply touches her heart.
I must say that is well underway on a woman with a fair dose of narcissism in the shower. This narcissism is not necessarily open form "I am better than anyone else." It perfectly disguised as humility, especially women religious. "I - the humble handmaid of the Lord, God protects me" - it is women who, in a wonderful head which no-no, yes and flashed those little thoughts, have a high chance of becoming a victim of a sociopath
Enjoying his piety, they can not accept the idea that God is able to send them a husband villain. It just can not be, because she did not deserve. Feeling safe deprives them of the instinct of self-preservation, they are no longer afraid of sociopaths and easily fall under their spell.
№3 Symptom: You are lucky. More than ever!
He is ready to wear on your hands, in your honor to compose verses, will give the handle when leaving the car, he stressed polite and gallant. He begins to behave in a way that a woman wrung her hands, thinking: "Oh, my God! Yes this is the same prince dreamed of all, but who somehow got to me, a sinner! »
Overjoyed, she was half blind and deaf to the obvious signs of pathological relations in which it is drawn.
Symptom №4: offend me so just
Well, like a baby! Vulnerable and delicate soul poor guy could not stand any coldness in his address, no suspicion, no reproach. In any negative situation, he emphasizes its sufferings, on how it is bad, it is completely not interested in your feelings.
Psychology of a very large number of women is that they are afraid to remain without a man. Add to this the fact that the network sociopaths rarely get young girls. Their victims in most cases are the ladies 30 years and older, longing for male society may already have put on a cross, perhaps with a bad marriage, living with her husband for the sake of some hackneyed ideas: for the sake of children, divorce is a sin and all that jazz. In love, often for the first time "retaliatory," a woman now fears losing terribly fallen down her hands and treasure is ready to do anything to keep her prince.
Symptom №5: He always blames others
The distinguishing feature of a sociopath - failure to recognize the howling of guilt and persistent denial of guilt in adverse events. Oh, yes, he is a scoundrel. But he is not guilty. It thus made life (mother, the previous partner, the children's home, etc.) In fact, he is preparing the way to retreat - it inspires hard the idea that if he throws it, the blame for this is itself the victim. And one more thing - in the circle of friends and acquaintances, he says about you is bad. This is also a preparation for further retreat. He does so in order to, when you start talking about those nightmares that you've been through, you no one would believe.
Symptom №6: «You do not deserve!»
Remember, in the first paragraph, we talked about that a sociopath begins with the fact that erects its prey on a pedestal? Perhaps many of you have a question, Why does he do it? My answer: with a single purpose - to throw the victim with him. And lose the most cruel, the most mocking manner. He does not know how to communicate with others on equal terms, the idea of the equality of its scares. He knows how or idealize or demonizorovat. Depending on the mood and behavior of the partner.
The culmination of his union with the victim - to throw mud, destroy everything that is the highest value for the victim. If it is fidelity, it will defiantly change it. If children, then it will set them against it or attempt to deprive her of parental rights. If this is religion, it would be rude to trample all its canons and principles, making it so that the victim was aware of. If it is a private virtue, sacrifice, he will defame her on every corner, spreading the most vile rumors about her.
Impaired, depersonalize, trampled everything that values the victim, to see her tears and despair - these are the true purpose of a sociopath, that's what gives him the feeling of victory. Moral victory Bun, who retired from her grandmother, and grandfather was gone, and in the current relationship has not fallen so low as to become a henpecked.
Tag number 7: Topsy-on eversion
Whenever you try to discuss with him your problems in a relationship, to come to their constructive solution, you come across a wall of rejection: your partner or shirk conversation, sometimes the most idiotic manner, for example, you tell him that he was very offended you yesterday and he replied starts singing the "Internationale." Either he comes into the discussion, but it skillfully turns the conventional concept of relationship inside out. His arguments are absurd, but he was so convincing them that at some point you start to think that maybe, really, is that you're crazy and you need to be treated?
Symptom number 8: And if he loved me
Analyzing it, with what cruelty he dealt with you, all of its behavior from the beginning to the end, you come to the terrifying conclusion that he did not like. Yes exactly! He did not like, because sociopaths can not love. They are always with all - with family, with friends, with spouses build relations on the principle of business: you will need them as long as they get benefit from you. Material or moral. As soon as you cease to be profitable to him, he will tear you, trampling and years of friendship, and the bonds of marriage and family relations.
His "love" to you - only a game, and you have been a pawn in this game. And it's yet another humiliation you have to endure. He played you, a parasite on your feelings and emotions get away from you everything he wanted, and dumped.
Some women are so hard to come to terms with the idea that they are a long time after the break and pursue its object constantly trying to figure out a relationship with him, tell him in person all that so grieved. Do not do - appeal to his conscience will not be possible due to lack of such, but you are to shatter your psyche
Feature number 9: "Samaduravinovata»
After the overthrow of the pedestal of the victim is usually waiting for explanations from the sociopath. But all the reproaches he will respond in the spirit of "own fault", how did that Valmont - leaving Madame de Tourvel. He forestalled all its possible reproaches the phrase "not my fault". (In the film, it sounds like "It's beyond me," that does not change the fact).
That's what you did, you wanted it, you own it sought, you brought me to this. Moreover, he is deeply hooked her ego: "I thought you were different, but you're the same as all!»
All he stripped the victim the feeling of exclusivity that so diligently taught her. Catchphrase, aerobatics top (not all sociopaths it is used, only those who have achieved excellence in their profession) - "A little more, and all would be well. But you do not have the patience / wisdom / stroke / female intuition, and therefore - Goodbye, My Love, Goodbye! "- And he left his victim with a sense of terrible guilt for the fact that she was the cause of the deterioration and breaking of fabulously beautiful relations.
My profession - Git. 9 signs of relationship with a man-tormentor
After reading all this, the question arises: can a sociopath have stable family relationships
Can. Oddly enough, it can. But do not confuse it with love. Tame sociopath can only exactly the same sociopath, but who beat him, which did not allow him to leave her, and then as a dependent of the victim would be himself. Their relationship will resemble the business alliance and will last as long as each of them will help the other to achieve goals - as was the case with Valmont Marquise de Merteuil
This union can last for years, sometimes - until the last breath of one of the members of the Union, and it will be quite even and stable so that the uninitiated might get the impression that a sociopath, finally found his happiness. But this impression is deceptive. Cunning and clever partner-sociopath will play them, then delaying it, but just enough so that it does not go away, then attracting him to her, but just enough so that he would not have imagined that power over her.
Parting with a sociopath
This part of the article I decided in a separate block. The fact that the parting with a sociopath is so traumatic for victims, many of them no longer trust men in general, and will never enter into a new relationship for fear of another injury. Somehow I came across an article foreign psychologist, who said that the sociopath is quite able to bring his victim to a deep neurosis and even to suicide. It's true. Not all women are able to endure the shame and humiliation, which exposes them to a sociopath.
The mistake many women, which has managed to plunge into a relationship with a sociopath, that they are a long time did not dare to break. They hope that their man reeducate and repent. "I will change it for their love, I had to beg, I will do it to others»
Remember once and for all sociopaths do not change. Sociopath is not just a lack of education, it is a painful condition, the roots of which lie in genetics and neuroscience. Working with sociopaths - the lot of professionals, and you on their own will never be able to re-educate his
Separation is always traumatic, but parting with a sociopath - especially because it is not enough just to get away - he wants to trample you. At whatever stage of relationship you would not have parted with him, he would still be playing a role and try to humiliate you to the maximum. But, nevertheless - the sooner you do, the less losses you have to survive. This loss of moral and material.
Leaving, a sociopath is not limited to humiliation of the victim - he would try to rob her and even to the maximum. And it does not stop having children - he'll take it. The friend told me that her husband after 10 years of destructive marriage, collected in the bag all that he could and what could not - broke and broke
Sociopath There exists no such qualities as generosity, compassion, compassion, sense of duty - this is precisely sociopathy, so do not even count on some kind of honesty on his part. He will wring your property to the last spoon will fight for every nail. He did not hesitate to carry toilet paper, matches and a half-empty tube of toothpaste. But this is not enough. He will tease you with their imaginary well-being with another woman on his page on Facebook or Vkontakte. Many women are hooked on this kind of masochism and continue to suffer over the years by what was not and could not be.
If you want the maximum safely get out of the relationship with a sociopath, then immediately chop all the ends and run without looking back, or turn into a pillar of salt. Run and do not look back - the law of conservation of mind and his own psyche
Judging by the material, feedback and reviews, which began to emerge in recent years in the networks among the faithful there is a fairly large stratum of male sociopaths. Is no exception, alas, and the clergy. It is subject to the same disease, the same pathologies that society as a whole. From this we can conclude that Christianity has a certain attraction for sociopaths.
They find in it something that allows them to justify themselves. It was found that the sociopath is not able to take into account the needs of others (at the very developed selfish sociopaths), respectively, he believes that others will not take into account their needs. So, to get something from others, he should subdue them. For this purpose, they will adapt perfectly under her Christianity.
At a minimum - they are always very concerned about the obedience of his wife and children. Obedience, not love puts a sociopath at the forefront on the issue of family relations. According to the maximum - sociopaths often penetrate into the environment of the clergy with the same aim: to monitor, receive, use and be beyond the reach of punishment and condemnation. Christianity and San draw them in that they allow to "legitimate" in terms of a sociopath grounds to demand from others blind obedience.
Can you deal with a sociopath?
It is very difficult because of his love for low blows, resourcefulness, and a tendency to vindictiveness most cynical lies. Actually, there is only one way to quell a sociopath - to make public all of its improper actions. Publicity - the only thing that is afraid of a sociopath because publicity would deprive him of the image of a good boy, and then it will be difficult to use her charms to seduce new victims. If you remember, Valmont Marquis struck his final blow in this way: to publicize its involvement in the intrigues against Madame de Tourvel, Sessil de Volanzh and other victims of its perverse mind
From this it can be concluded that, if among your acquaintances there was a person with symptoms of a sociopath, it should be openly upset at his actions, even if he has ordained. If someone preaches violence in the family as the norm (yes, that's me on the sensational preaching. Tkachev), it is necessary in the face to say that this behavior is not acceptable. If someone behaves rudely with his wife, making fun of the children - also need to talk openly about this
Well, actually, and all I wanted to say.
Author: Lily Malakhov