Femininity. My story is not a goddess Bashny.Net

Looking at me, hard to imagine that I know something about femininity: dresses I do not wear makeup do not use, have short hair, the hands can study the anatomy of the muscles. In General, and take there is nothing, except the example of "how not to."

But that's why I want to tell you about how I realized that femininity is not the result of red panties on the chandelier and skills effectively to clap eyelashes, not something that we need to "open", struggling to awaken the inner goddess", a state which was born from one simple feeling: compared with those who are close to you, with his power and character, you're not that girl" – you bun.

 





 

Femininity is not a bait. It is the light that starts to go inside when fear disappears.

The right man aligns you. Accelerates the healing mechanism of smoothedge. He reshapes not you, not destroying and rebuilding again, but it helps to understand that things can be different – and you can be different, and only depends on you, you want this new reality and a new self, or go back on their word and will habitually prefer to escape in a favorite alone.

 

Femininity for me is the harmony of all systems. That's why I talk about alignment.

In time I started wrong.

... four years ago I made the decision to divorce, changed jobs and returned home to a year later find themselves roaring into therapy sessions with the request "make me a girl, please, I can't do this anymore".

"So" – means in everything and always to rely on yourself, trust no one, to gravitate to the military style in clothing, to possess military discipline, the extreme workaholism and that thick armor on the outside that I don't know how I rang in airports.





I felt totally wrong and the curve is skewed on all sides. It seemed to me that I don't want that should want girls my age. And maybe my mother's sighs about the fact that at 27 you need to think about the family and not packing in backpack, boots, warm pants and go at night after the Gypsy nomadic star somewhere in the Ukrainian caves with strangers, are without Foundation.





One part of me realized that I need a man strong and brave, with strong character and a cool head, "like me, not me", and the second was torn from the bitter realization that men, as a rule, need a gentle and sweet cat, and I'm more of a woman-horse, and nothing beautiful, weak and defenseless in this.

 

I went on dates, putting on their best clothes, but already in the fifth minute knew not that, not that, and I don't like him. To chew the fat over coffee, to talk about the work, but it's definitely not about love, not about together. Neither one of them I didn't feel I found a home –

the house in it.

Obstinacy I had not take: I just have to carefully chose the outfits, more accurately and draw arrows eyeliner, read books about the disclosure of femininity, recommended by the psychologist worked on "inner goddess" and... was still Jane. I could not erase itself from the soldier. I honestly tried to break itself, but became even more dented and bent.

 

And once the power of pretending is over: I was pissed. And good quality despair, you can find vast resources for a breakthrough. And I said to myself: fuck it all horse (there was another word instead of "scram") – all this femininity, the dresses, the longing for "true love" and all the goddess's of the world combined. Burn it all to the fires of the Inquisition – I don't want to break myself, to cherish our childhood trauma, to regret that all know and can do, and cry, dark nights of despair. No, really: fuck this forest. From this moment I will not continue to fight their demons – I'll bake them cookies, take him by the hand and be shoulder to shoulder on the same side – they, at least, know a lot about good parties and alcohol.

 

I canceled all my appointments, cleaned reader of books Renard, torsunova and Valeevoj. I regained my right to be awkward and strong-willed and never apologize for the noise from their armor; to ask lot to leave quickly, do not give second chances where already in the first minute that sucks. I had nothing to lose, no one to hold on to. I've worked so hard to be positive on all sides by a girl who can attract a good guy that somehow completely overlooked the fact that I have them is not worth it.

 

It was an amazing experience of liberation. From the husk, the chaff, and compromise. I discovered her a boost of strength and vitality, which we could only dream of. And suddenly I realized – I am already whole and strong, I have hands that know how to treat, and different eyes. I discovered a woman who not afraid. And ashes from the burnt the past, mixed with clay and saliva, I drew combat stripes on his Mongolian cheekbones – as a sign of respect for the tradition to be alive, as a personal blessing to win.

 

Since femininity for me is not about tricks and gimmicks like "here to go to there click". Not about the installation of the discharge "to open the flow of divine energy." Not about sacred sexuality.

Femininity for me is always about "make and create". Not about "waiting", "ask" and "manipulated" not about to "discover the goddess", but rather about the becoming of the earth. If there is any good book about art, it's Estes "Running with wolves".

 

...I think Sasha has a crush on me such simple, loving to cook and to dance, and knows how to be silent, and laugh and drink and cry. Not the goddess – human: and the weight I was ten pounds more than now, and the cockroaches after the divorce herds migrated, and the crown on his head sat like a glove.

 

I ask myself – why? Why convergence happened was fate, karma, destiny? And I see only one answer, like the truth: sincerity. When you don't know really other, but can't lie to him, because I never wanted to lie to himself – "after all the other one – he's like you, only not you"...





Until I learned to be honest with yourself and start to appreciate and cherish their otherness, I was not prepared for the Meeting. I could not love anyone who did not conform to the picture in my head. Because first I had to deal with pictures of herself – demons eating your cookies and drinking cocoa for your neurosis, don't come easy :)

 

Four years ago I made the decision to divorce, changed jobs and went home to four years later, to understand what truly mean to me words

"I" and "house".

The most courageous, the most feminine we are when honest. And when we find the strength

one say to the other:

"stay". published

 

P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki

 

 

Source: gnezdo.by/blog/being-goddess-trash/