Accept pain as a friend Bashny.Net

Pain is something that is considered bad and unnecessary. Something in the body hurts - painkillers. It hurts in the soul - forget, eat, laugh, drink alcohol, brush off, start working even more and so on. People do not tend to think that nature does not create excess, it is too economical for this.

If something hurts in the body, it is a signal that something has gone wrong. Information. This is not an accident, not a malfunction in the warning system, not a punishment. It's just, "Hey, man, I don't have enough water, I don't have enough nutrients to make my cells, I've got trauma, I've got poison, so do something before the irreparable happens."

If you’re experiencing heartache, it’s the same: “Hey, friend, look, you lacked the love as a child, the unconditional acceptance of your parents and other significant people who raised you.” You lacked loving touch, recognition of your worth and your right to be. Do something about it.” That's what the pain says.





It so happened that man, no matter how independent he tries to become, is an open system, in constant interaction with the environment and dependent on it. We need air, water and food or we will die. Everyone knows that. But just as we need love and acceptance for people that matter to us, especially in childhood, when we are totally dependent on them. And the greater this dependence, the more important the need for love is for survival. Not everyone knows that. Not everyone knows, they have a birthright - to be loved, to be cared for, no matter what - simply because they are.

Not so long ago, I heard a very important thing for myself: the need for affectionate touch, total contact with your adult, in symbiotic intimacy in early childhood is vital. That is, literally, without satisfying this need, a person either dies physically or sabotages life.

This idea is the basis of John Bowlby’s attachment theory (he has a book called Attachment Theory), developed by Gordon Neufeld and is now gaining popularity among many good psychologists. This theory is a good help for those who are trying to understand the causes of their recurring problems in adulthood and see what gaps in their childhood need to be filled.

Pain is the ariadnine thread through which we can go back to the past where our vital needs have not been adequately met. But such travel is not done alone. You will need a good professional stalker – a psychotherapist who can work with early injuries. With attachment disorders injuries, “talk methods” (psychoanalysis, gestalt, etc., where the essence is rather in awareness) do not work, they need those that can reach older brain structures and work rather through reliving, contact with repressed emotions – body-oriented therapy, psychodrama, and the like.

It won't be easy. In the process, a lot of traumatic material will be released, which is very, very difficult to contact. That’s why you need someone who knows how to deal with it. But, having appropriated the split parts of the psyche, a person becomes whole. Having lived through years of repressed pain, a person becomes able to accept that in the past he will not be taken care of as it should be. And then he will be able to really discover the opportunity to take care of himself now. It is important to remember that this process is finite. Once the pain disappears, you will no longer want to mourn the past. It will be a long and painstaking job to become your own best caring parent. But it's worth it: pain will no longer be the enemy. If she does, she has an important message for you. There is still a deficit somewhere that needs to be filled.

When we hear the message of pain and act on it, there is room for happiness. Conditions where all vital needs are satisfied and excess can be shared with others. published

Author: Olga Karchevskaya



P.S. And remember, just changing our consumption – together we change the world!

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