Don't know who was watching my beloved Leo Tolstoy, when he wrote his famous "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". Unhappy family all the time in front of his eyes was actually only one – its own, talking about it, and I hope to lead...
Not for the first time grumble about this tirade, the greatest of Russian writers. In my professional and personal observations, everything is exactly the opposite. Happiness each happy family is completely unique, like a secret code of the safe.
And the misery of unhappy families pretty clearly stacked in small type, no more than twelve main varieties, – of course, each case with its nuances and peculiarities, but, as a rule, a typologically recognizable.
The most common component of the similarity of a vast number of unhappy couples can be called, pardon the commonplace expression — stupidity.
Unilateral or mutual stupidity, or more unilateral than mutual, or Vice versa – doesn't matter. It is essential that upon reaching a certain critical mass of stupidity on one pair, the pair that starts with one or the other side to crack and then fall apart. Stupidity, please note, not only and not so much mental, how much spiritual.
What stupid soul?Failure, nedogarko, or unaccustomed (there is more hope...) to penetrate the mental world of Another.
Not abstractly, but concretely imbued with almost – daily and short-term relationships, in the everyday flow.
I suspect that every psychologist is involved in love and family troubles, over time it begins to seem that he was not working in the world of adults, and in kindergarten. That does not work with the relationship of two responsible for themselves and each other engaged, and learning one or two children basic life skills: to see, to hear, to listen, to understand, to think.To understand the meaning of words, intonations and gestures, the meaning of actions and the meaning of silence...To teach them at least a little aware of their own feelings and behavior, even slightly foresee the consequences of their words and actions, though very little to read and predict movements and mental thoughts of the other side...
And teach little ones the simplest common sense and values of life – the order and arrangement of them, or priorities, saying ponauchnee.
Again, I want to get close to his thesis that love and family relationships in their totality represent a universal LEVEL of INCOMPETENCE. That mankind at its present level of development in the mass (but with a certain percentage of exceptions, which is very important) not ready for the exam, which is called love.
Unable to cope with the test, which is called the family, not to mention the upbringing of children.
Not drawn. Not catching up. Not cut. It wouldn't work.
Nature has provided us with all the necessary organs for mating and reproduction, but did not provide bodies for happiness in love. Snails are happier than us. And genetic differences of family harmony in the human population is very small – only in rare and radiant instances of human breed, they gather in a sufficient concentration, these prerequisites – and even a huge concentration of them on one side for two may not be enough if one side is plus and the other minus.
Nature for our happiness in love and family just don't care about. With a high steeple survival she spat on it.Nature gives the opportunity to reproduce – and there you want.Satisfied from his life hell for another or for himself or for another, both for themselves and for their children and grandchildren? Propagated worlds of hell, they procreate in the next generation?
Please your will. If these worlds survive, how to survive flies, crocodiles, woodlice, hyenas – so fit to live and such. You never know grim, cruel and disgusting creatures found on the planet? Live – then manage somehow to win their vyzhivatelnogo tenders. And whatever they throw, harassed, ridicule, bite and devour each other, or as they suffer from boredom, sitting in the same hole, nature is not the case: any genre for her good, in addition to disastrous.
In nature there is every. A hungry polar bear-male ready to kill the mother of his children for a piece of fish willing to eat their own cubs. The spider eats the father of their offspring immediately after use. Storks, swans and penguins faithful family men-monogamous. Cocks, baboons, deer – notorious Gramsci. A bee and an ant hive – mistress of the harems of men. Someone out there, in this infinite diversity of natural parallel worlds, perhaps, happy, happy IN THEIR own way – we can't know about it, not having penetrated into these worlds from the inside out, not BECOMING them.
In man, too, is all. Nature ponameshano us all sorts of inclinations and trends, and polygamy, and monogamy, and promiscuity (that is to say of sexual promiscuity), and wild jealousy, and the insane emotional and sexual dependence, and to coldness and bitchiness, and all manner of perversions, the root which have their origins in the distant paths of evolution, its complicated intersections... And about the happiness didn't bother harmony in priorities is not built.
The lack of solid human genetic differences of love and of family happiness (and the background unhappiness, alas, often present...) leads to the obvious conclusion that happiness should learn.To comprehend the science with the basics of how to comprehend math. To learn this art is like learning music: is also with the basics – long efforts and work, many steps to go to the top, or at least to an acceptable level of home performance. To reach the level of competence.
What he does not deserve is the most important thing a human being such targeted multistage study?.. Learning to write – learning to write correctly, it takes about ten years; only rare individuals are able to master reading and writing early and easily, effortlessly and almost without training. Congenital competent self – taught students to read without teachers and writing without mistakes – no more than one child in a hundred or even two hundred children, who need training. That letter of love and family happiness itself, without in-depth training is given the same, if not even smaller percentage of people, and the probability of meeting TWO such very small — it is a probability, but VERY small.
Why our education is not centered around the main for each (or almost each) of a man around love and family around the most important in the world of relationships?.. Study God or the devil knows what, but not what you need for happiness. To an age when we are born the children absolutely do not know nor understand neither himself nor others, nor much less children. If I was entrusted with the reform of the education system, I would try to construct it so
that the core of the teaching was the study of the practice of love and family happiness, all belong to the subjects, such as psychology (personality and relations just before, the art of listening and expression, agrostology and conflict studies, etc., etc.), medicine with the basics of zamogilie and Wellness camerabody, biology, Zoology and ethology, genetics, sociology, history, morals and ethics and religious household (I don't know yet as better and shorter to name this discipline), erotology and sexology, humor, basics of anger management and monoplastik, hronolog training...
"Stop, stop, this is what such practices? – ask – 7, 8, 9 years already love the practice, already erotology and sexology?.." Well, not as literally and plainly as I can horrify some. But some important elements of love and family nawaikula can and should start learning at this age. Yes, the children themselves learn without asking in adults. Vintage children playing "House", "mothers and Daughters" – it's all attempts of rehearsals that will...
After high school receive a matriculation certificate. Mocking funny – there is some maturity! Except that sex, and even that is not all to the extent appropriate. Basic social capacity — and that is not guaranteed. Matriculation I would be issued only to those who successfully passed the exams of the above and many other disciplines, including the practice of treatment of children and education. And ONLY with that certificate (protected from the possibility of forgery and purchase of the most reliable means, powerful passports) issued the state approval for the entry into marriage and raise their children with the appropriate financial, legal and other support.
Everything else would apply to malovysokohudozhestvenny sex Amateur. Here is a utopia... posted
Author: Vladimir Levi
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©