Violence is different. And men often do not understand this difference. This does not mean that they are all rapists and sadists.
Problems in this area mass. One of them is that men and women are different anatomically, and yet we differently bring. This post is not a statement that all men are monsters and all women are beautiful. That women never rape men, not using men's weaknesses, and so on. I was asked to talk about border violence and I talk about them.
One of the things we were afraid to be my father — that's what I'll be raped. He is repeatedly told.
But men, imagining violence, and my father in particular is usually said that someone will come, grab the woman by the hair, whacked on the nearest horizontal surface, and roughly shove your dick in her.
Ninety three million seven hundred ninety two thousand six hundred ten
And it's scary. Honestly — terrible. But daily small sexual violence is also an unpleasant thing. And most importantly — it is more difficult to identify and even harder to understand that this violence and to separate the "you suck" from "I can be this bad."
Post is written for men who would prefer to get in a stupid situation and lose — love — sex, disappointing the lady of your indecision, rather than to cause harm to another person. I believe that there are any.
1.It is easier to give than to explain why not
Perseverance is considered a good male trait. No nonsense. Some asshole decided that persistence and persuasion — a really good policy.
And he was right.
It's a good policy. When you have the whole evening repeating the girl "Mash, well, let's have sex" or during the month repeat every day "I love anal sex! Well, let's have anal sex. Oh, you have a sexy ass" Pat its this part of the body, many girls really easier to give than to explain why not. But she won't want it, and it will simulate pleasure. And the more you do, the closer you are to the fact that she would meet someone else or will cease to have sex. She doesn't call it violence. But it is a violation of boundaries, which causes disgust and resistance.
There are so-called institutional violence: the wife knows that she should sleep with her husband and does not consider it rape when he tells her, "well let's go." Goes. Although not want. But the violence — even if the man serves here as an object than as a subject. Children who observed it, it can not be confused — they see the facial expression of the mother. The girl could rape you against your will. And Yes, you can go crazy if a lot of thinking about it. Therefore, do not persuade five hours. If she's insane, and believes that a man should be the last to deny, otherwise it is too cheap have sold their honor — well, OK, why do you need this? Find yourself a normal, which is able to use an evolutionary invention of — mouth in order to signal "I want".
2."And Lucy liked it...»
Here is another wonderful thing. Women love when being compared to other women. Luce liked to have sex 4 hours in the same position, you'll love it Mache. Luce liked it when it was coated with a cream, like Mache.
And again and again the man asks what you like Masha, and makes what once delighted Lucy. And it was probably Lucy from porn. Can it be considered violence do to a person something like that to another person? I think, Yes. And in those cases when a woman does it to man. Because what you like, for example, lower, upper — the fifth circle of hell.
3."Let's make this quick»
One of the saddest stories is "Monsieur is in a hurry». Boy girl love, and she does not mind to sleep with him. Moreover, it is likely both hands. But he must here and now as it is convenient. Type "went to you." And he's not talking about it and just rushing it — grabs, squeezes and strokes. And in the end leaves her time for it to feel good.
And it this sex feels bad. Although if she was given a little more time, she would it was good. With this same man.
4."You're just insecure»
One of the ways of marital adaptation — mutual expansion of the boundaries of admissibility. But partners often expand them with the solicitude of a bulldozer. The media tell us that cunnilingus, Blowjob, Fisting, anal sex, 69 is absolutely fine. This is a normal part of sexual relations in a couple.
But let's be honest — no.
This is normal and possible sexual relations in a couple. Options. Most of which is automatically disabled in the absence of trust in the pair. Some people can't do that.
There are those who believe that a member of a partner or the vagina is such a beautiful part of it, as hands, lips or ears. And there are those who don't think so.
And if we drive a person into conflict to do something that causes disgust him, or losing a partner, he can choose first. But — in General — don't like him. And it will be... unhappy. And maybe even die. Do you need it?
5."Hey, do you ejaculate?»
One of the big problems in sex is devaluing statements. When a man or woman he want something nasty. Sometimes inadvertently. Sometimes trying to praise.
"And you do it better than Mary", "You're so funny squeak when you come." "Oh, you're so Jumpy, as if the current through you missed the" and so on.
The phrase "I was good with you" is more than enough. Sometimes originality is the enemy.
6.Contraception. No. Not true. CONTRACEPTION
The phrase "well, th there" is a bad method of contraception. Many women first got my orgasm during pregnancy, because it is in this state, afraid to get pregnant is pointless. If you told her "okay, I'll take care of it", and she then had an abortion, there is a big chance that sex will be no more, or it will pull in all possible ways. I'm not going to explain to you what is going through during an abortion a woman, especially if she wants to have children. You don't want to know, because if you really can feel it, there is a chance that you are no longer hunting for sex at all. And, in principle, an unwanted pregnancy is a horrible event. As the fear of unwanted pregnancy — a very unpleasant experience.
Women often agree to sex without a condom, because I want to make a nice partner. Yeah, maybe they are fools to blame, maybe they just very afraid of losing you, maybe they have a lever of reproduction, which covers the thought process, but the fear of unplanned pregnancy is the best anorgasmy that you can think of. That is complete nonsense — I absolutely agree with this — that a woman is at risk, it during sex is more bad than good, and then when late period and really bad, but it does not protect.Just take it as a fact, that women have this badly, and it would be great if you yourself will take care of it.
Learn to juggle with condoms, open them with one hand, buy Japanese super saving on cigarettes, and put it in my wallet — just in case, if their use destroys or spoils the romance of feeling, or are you afraid that you will end up with a woman alone, and you have nothing, but trust is important. And Yes, many girls feel ashamed to talk about it. And Yes, men are EASIER to do. Honestly. Hormonal pills are unreliable. Cream and candles are a limited amount of time and work for sexual intercourse. The calendar method, coitus interruptus and lactation doesn't protect you and there are a large number of children to prove it. Therefore, very often, violence is the refusal of men the use of contraception. Truth. Yes, I'm sure I would.
7.Grab-Sy, pinching, biting and other unwanted forms of attention
Many women do not like to be spanked, squeezed and tweaked.
Here they are tender. If you think that the best way to show support is to poke her in the ribs and then slap on the ass, like in the movies about the Wild West — ask her if she loves these movies and these specific points.
It's not violence in its purest form. But many women can't relax with men you like because they constantly slap, bite, or something else to do with them. If you partner said, "don't" — trust me, it's a sign.
One photographer once told me, "When are we gonna have sex." Not "if", not "maybe, if you agree". «When.»
Many men think it's flirting. "When I straddle you, my little filly", "I Have a surprise for you, and when you open it..."well, and other nonsense. When you're talking to a woman, as if she already agreed to sleep with you — many women is the feeling that you they had done something wrong. As if she were a dumb animal or furniture. At this point many of them feel is up for sale. There is a dialogue as if she's not in her presence.
Do not miss the stage of consent. Think of playful form of "do you Agree, fair maiden Oksana to have sex with is fine by me Anton", "You really want this? And I would not want to Wake up tomorrow a sex maniac" and wait at least an elementary nod. Everything will be better, honestly.
9.Don't leave the choice
This is probably the most vile. I have repeatedly encountered men dialogues on the topic "And let us girls drink" or "the three of Us, three of them, almost all your girlfriend", or "And I'll be there with two female friends — one I chose for myself, the second is yours." While men often do not understand that here such analysis in advance puts girls in a situation where they have nowhere to go. The statement "the second is your" very often creates whoever "you" the illusion that the girl has already agreed.
In a state of alcoholic intoxication girls often overestimate the threat and underestimate their strength and agree to sex in my life wouldn't have agreed to sober. Well, just I can say with certainty that a woman being alone with a drunken man — more likely — chooses the strategy of obedience or aggressive defense (Yes, it can fly a leg of a chair). Because most of the girls grew up with drunken fathers who in this state would hit and insult them at any moment, so they have the smell of alcohol from the man there is a strong panic response.
Why not podpevat women and don't put them before a choice to escape what was" in the woods in minus fifteen or to have sex." It's not a choice.
That's not all. It's just the pieces.
And, Yes, women fake orgasms, smiling and telling you all sorts of nice words. While lying, feel used, unfulfilled and unhappy. Just because they are afraid of you. You more. You are stronger. You aggressive. And they were taught to be afraid of you.
Alas, it is a fact of life.
It's very difficult to talk about it — no skill, no social permission, there are lots of taboos, prohibitions, and expectations on the theme "decent girls don't behave". Some even up to thirty (or even to one hundred) years I do not know that their body is their business, and that it depends on them, what they will have sex and with whom.
I'm sorry, too. published