The former are those who once were close and meaningful
. At the best of exes remain warm memories.
At worst – "former" idealised, acquiring the value of the lost idols... the Lost parts of yourself.
Or "demonized", becoming close friends in the rogue and other scoundrels...
Outward forced out what you do not want to see themselves..
Meanwhile, both idealized and devalued the image of Another left in the shower funnel pain, some unfinished action that does not give a meaningful experience, to learn, to be free from the children's way of making Another Grand, and themselves as small and insignificant.
I don't see how I could spend it on so many years of my life... I Think he was always disgusted me.
— But you met with him?
— I don't know... Maybe I was afraid to be alone, or feel sorry for him. It was so sad....
— Have you ever discussed with him what you experienced in the relationship?
— No, rather, I scolded him that something is wrong, and saved him...
I don't suppress their feelings arose your domain?
— It looks like....
— He was too good for me... from an educated family, good home, wealthy parents. I could not boast of such resources. I've often thought that it is not worth it.
— Are you compared to him?
Yes... And constantly felt like Cinderella that was chosen by the Prince. I was in seventh heaven. Then I was in trouble, and he disappeared. I felt abandoned and... not worthy. As if it was meant to happen. I now feel not attractive... worthy men.
— Do you think it is valuable, and you don't?
— I think that I don't think, and the way it is.
Devaluing, demonizing the Other, you give him what you don't admit in yourself
. Some kind of failure... Vulnerability. Immaturity.
Idealizing the Other, you also give him what I can in myself to admit.... Their dignity. Their talents. Their right to choose.
And in that and in other case, you are stuck in anger, the Other didn't become what you wanted it to be.Meanwhile, relationships always carry the potential of experience that you can take...
or to devalue.
Prolepsis, you will feel the bitterness. That did not happen. It did not happen. Failed to stay in the relationship even though you tried. Maybe he also tried?
Yes, he has done all he could at the time. Because in each moment we do the maximum possible.
— I'm sorry.... From the fact that the relationship ended. We were both trying.
— Yes, it's sad.
— I have another to build relationships. In fact, now, with another man, I have them in another build....
We are more discussing. I can say about that experience. And also listen.
— Did you get your experience?
— Yes...... Now I have grown.
If the Other is an Idol or a zero, it means that you kept the other half.If you found Another the same as you, imperfect, and recognized the value of experience, then you become Whole and Valuable.
He, too, for he also invested in your change.published
Read also: We meet to leave To yourself gently
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
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