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Decisions under pressure: what is IMPORTANT to remember!
Few people in this world likes restrictions, including in decision-making. Each of us wants to choose where, how and with whom to live, someone to love, something to do on their own to plan changes, quality and pace of life.
Freedom is a great value, that's why she fought at all times, but it often happens that in trying to gain in the world of matter and spirit, we forget about the desires and capabilities of people close to us, as well as of their right to freedom of expression and expressing yourself in different ways.
Regularly and in large quantities I received the essence of which can be described by the phrase: "How to make him/her/them to do what I think is right?" Very much want to roommate made an offer of marriage, the child is enrolled in high school at the prestigious specialty, the parents repented to the imperfect methods of upbringing and began to read books on psychology, my wife is not "sawed", and admired the feminine and supported in all your endeavors, my husband decided to become a millionaire, actively working in this direction, and much more desirable.
We will not deny that our minds can be born any number of scenarios to "improve" the loved ones, and it's not just the idea of a recommendatory nature, and specific, large-scale and detailed plans of action that need to be implemented as soon as possible, otherwise all is lost.
Sometimes we try to cheat, laying secret ideas during conversations, leaving at home the shelves and tables of useful publications, and persistently slipping overvalued lectures and films to their relatives, so they themselves decided.No, we are not pressing and do not insist, we just organize the space so that the desired thoughts and ideas ingrained in the brain of the unfortunate victims of our plan to improve the world, and when information processing will come to an end, then they will come and say that all understand and are willing to change.
But alas, the annoying repetition of requests, suggestions and recommendations often leads to a deterioration of relations than to a real and conscious change in him. To find a way to influence another person is a complicated task, especially if you resort to force, emotional blackmail, bribery and other manipulations, but unlike acts done in good faith, from what is done under pressure, is responsible for the result.
When he decided, and for the result to be responsible, and when forced, that one day we can say: "It's all because of you/them/her/him". To discuss plans for the future, to grow separately and together, the "docking" system of goals and values with people around is much more difficult than just stomp your feet and say what should be on our way.
Many happy families there was one of those who was forced to marry because of unplanned pregnancy, pressure from relatives, feelings of guilt ("he so looked after me, to deny uncomfortable", "we five years living together, I can't go now"), or material gain?
There are units who are able to accept, time to grow up and build a family relationship, but is the beginning often leads to quarrels, alienation, adultery and subsequent divorce. There many great musicians, artists and poets were born of those whom force drove to art school and made ad nauseam to do unloved business? Again, few were able to overcome themselves and achieve outstanding results, but most people after such a "creative" childhood and not come close to musical instruments, easels and poetic circles.
When parents force the teen to go to their chosen UNIVERSITY and specialty in the best case, you get five years of good study, a diploma on the shelf and further self-search for himself ("diploma I have for you (La), now leave me alone, I don't have family, I want to find myself, to become a Director/artist/singer/entrepreneur), and in the more typical — absenteeism, endless mulligans and learning problems, deductions, the deterioration of relations and everything that happens to people who do not feel the responsibility for the choice made.
The pressure on the man to question paternity to get child support but not the head of the family, pressure on the guilt one spouse can obtain a weak-willed creature, but not repentant and a changed adult, pressure and manipulation can be convenient and obedient children, but once they start to grow up, to rebel and secede, the deterioration of relations is inevitable, and in some cases it comes to a complete break.
You can intimidate subordinates, forced to play by the rules of those who are weaker, shame, blame, blackmail, but how many of use in the long term? The expression "win the battle, but lose the battle" seems very appropriate for situations related to obtaining desired due to the pressure.
It is clear that the level of development of society and relations in it can be very different from country to country because it is influenced by economic, political, religious and many other factors, but even in a traditional and closed systems any suppression sooner or later leads to the resistance, seeking to bring the system into balance: every free, every responsible (though, to reach responsibility not right, first of all I want freedom).
No doubt we have the ability to influence its environment using oral and written communication, beliefs, defend their opinions, broaden your mind, and it is useful. But it's also important to remember that it is impossible to do for the other person's inner work. Man can say that you are not ready to live together for an indefinite period to "first understand each other better and then see", you can say what you choose to leave, so everyone had the opportunity to look honestly at the value of relationships in their lives and decided for themselves what to do next, but there's no point to persuade him to marry you, try to take care of all the problems with money, housing and so that the poor fellow was not afraid of family difficulties.
You can tell a woman that want to make her happy, ready to change and to win her hand and heart, but no need to stoop, crying under the Windows and threatening to commit suicide if will not marry you. And certainly don't need to buy with money and gifts, the one that you are interesting as a person.
Money and gifts are important, but they, you know, tend to come and go and will be sad if we find out later that your woman has the same property. To choose life for their children, parents, relatives and friends also do not need to — everyone has their own life, it makes sense to do. The pressure to resort to us is necessary, but crucial decisions still need to remember the division of responsibility. Take care of yourself and loved ones.
I wish you all happiness! published
Read also: it is Impossible to make sense of life, meaning you need to find
And so they go on the subway, he sits, she stands
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/10154144166169452
Freedom is a great value, that's why she fought at all times, but it often happens that in trying to gain in the world of matter and spirit, we forget about the desires and capabilities of people close to us, as well as of their right to freedom of expression and expressing yourself in different ways.
Regularly and in large quantities I received the essence of which can be described by the phrase: "How to make him/her/them to do what I think is right?" Very much want to roommate made an offer of marriage, the child is enrolled in high school at the prestigious specialty, the parents repented to the imperfect methods of upbringing and began to read books on psychology, my wife is not "sawed", and admired the feminine and supported in all your endeavors, my husband decided to become a millionaire, actively working in this direction, and much more desirable.
We will not deny that our minds can be born any number of scenarios to "improve" the loved ones, and it's not just the idea of a recommendatory nature, and specific, large-scale and detailed plans of action that need to be implemented as soon as possible, otherwise all is lost.
Sometimes we try to cheat, laying secret ideas during conversations, leaving at home the shelves and tables of useful publications, and persistently slipping overvalued lectures and films to their relatives, so they themselves decided.No, we are not pressing and do not insist, we just organize the space so that the desired thoughts and ideas ingrained in the brain of the unfortunate victims of our plan to improve the world, and when information processing will come to an end, then they will come and say that all understand and are willing to change.
But alas, the annoying repetition of requests, suggestions and recommendations often leads to a deterioration of relations than to a real and conscious change in him. To find a way to influence another person is a complicated task, especially if you resort to force, emotional blackmail, bribery and other manipulations, but unlike acts done in good faith, from what is done under pressure, is responsible for the result.
When he decided, and for the result to be responsible, and when forced, that one day we can say: "It's all because of you/them/her/him". To discuss plans for the future, to grow separately and together, the "docking" system of goals and values with people around is much more difficult than just stomp your feet and say what should be on our way.
Many happy families there was one of those who was forced to marry because of unplanned pregnancy, pressure from relatives, feelings of guilt ("he so looked after me, to deny uncomfortable", "we five years living together, I can't go now"), or material gain?
There are units who are able to accept, time to grow up and build a family relationship, but is the beginning often leads to quarrels, alienation, adultery and subsequent divorce. There many great musicians, artists and poets were born of those whom force drove to art school and made ad nauseam to do unloved business? Again, few were able to overcome themselves and achieve outstanding results, but most people after such a "creative" childhood and not come close to musical instruments, easels and poetic circles.
When parents force the teen to go to their chosen UNIVERSITY and specialty in the best case, you get five years of good study, a diploma on the shelf and further self-search for himself ("diploma I have for you (La), now leave me alone, I don't have family, I want to find myself, to become a Director/artist/singer/entrepreneur), and in the more typical — absenteeism, endless mulligans and learning problems, deductions, the deterioration of relations and everything that happens to people who do not feel the responsibility for the choice made.
The pressure on the man to question paternity to get child support but not the head of the family, pressure on the guilt one spouse can obtain a weak-willed creature, but not repentant and a changed adult, pressure and manipulation can be convenient and obedient children, but once they start to grow up, to rebel and secede, the deterioration of relations is inevitable, and in some cases it comes to a complete break.
You can intimidate subordinates, forced to play by the rules of those who are weaker, shame, blame, blackmail, but how many of use in the long term? The expression "win the battle, but lose the battle" seems very appropriate for situations related to obtaining desired due to the pressure.
It is clear that the level of development of society and relations in it can be very different from country to country because it is influenced by economic, political, religious and many other factors, but even in a traditional and closed systems any suppression sooner or later leads to the resistance, seeking to bring the system into balance: every free, every responsible (though, to reach responsibility not right, first of all I want freedom).
No doubt we have the ability to influence its environment using oral and written communication, beliefs, defend their opinions, broaden your mind, and it is useful. But it's also important to remember that it is impossible to do for the other person's inner work. Man can say that you are not ready to live together for an indefinite period to "first understand each other better and then see", you can say what you choose to leave, so everyone had the opportunity to look honestly at the value of relationships in their lives and decided for themselves what to do next, but there's no point to persuade him to marry you, try to take care of all the problems with money, housing and so that the poor fellow was not afraid of family difficulties.
You can tell a woman that want to make her happy, ready to change and to win her hand and heart, but no need to stoop, crying under the Windows and threatening to commit suicide if will not marry you. And certainly don't need to buy with money and gifts, the one that you are interesting as a person.
Money and gifts are important, but they, you know, tend to come and go and will be sad if we find out later that your woman has the same property. To choose life for their children, parents, relatives and friends also do not need to — everyone has their own life, it makes sense to do. The pressure to resort to us is necessary, but crucial decisions still need to remember the division of responsibility. Take care of yourself and loved ones.
I wish you all happiness! published
Read also: it is Impossible to make sense of life, meaning you need to find
And so they go on the subway, he sits, she stands
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/10154144166169452
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