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Help with depression: how and how not to. 7 simple recipes
About depression, its symptoms and the reasons we write regularly, so wild, uncivilized people who consider that it is not neurotic disorder requiring treatment, but simply a whim, found, fortunately, less.
But the questions remain: okay, I realized that "man up" in relation to pechalyaschihsya friend or depressing yourself is inhumanly cruel, and rightly so-how?
Let's speak again how not to do it, and figure out how everything should operate.
Thirty five million nine hundred twenty two thousand four hundred thirty four
It is not necessary: to lighten the mood, to entertain, to make you smile
We may think that the main problem of depressed person — that's his bad mood, and our main illusion that his sorrow could fly like a cloud, if we correctly magically poduim. Believe that sadness was caused by some bad event, or dark thoughts, and if they are replaced immediately on a good, then for our neighbor and happiness will come.
To do this, we begin to offer suffering to watch a Comedy, throw links to funny videos and cartoons, tell jokes, call for a fun party.
But it won't help. Trying to laugh and cheer we can only cause anger, and it can be very many, because the cause of depression is often pent-up anger, who can not find a safe way out.
Believe me, to have fun and enjoy for depressive patients is now as impossible as the marathon for grupowego with temperature under forty.
It is necessary to recognize the pain of others
The right will not try now to change the mood of a loved one with the "wrong" sad "proper" fun, and to give space of its sadness, sorrow, pain, help them to Express and feel.
Can I ask: what song is now most matches your mood? "It is not the wind tends to branch", "Black Raven" or "Anhedonia" the Yankees Dyagilevo? What is the picture like now? And maybe talk about death?
We should show him that in his sorrow you are with him, not only in joy. To make it clear that I understand: conditional cemeteries, monasteries, and derelict industrial zones now much nicer to him than fun parties, clubs or concerts, so you won't try to get him "into the light".
Sixty six million four hundred seventy thousand one hundred fifty two
It is not necessary to missionarity, catechetical, trying to proselytize
Even deeply religious people during depressive episodes can be a diffusion of religious feeling. "I stand at the Liturgy and I did. Indifference, prayer is not, I like a stone" — a typical story about depression from a Christian. Brothers and sisters in the faith, in such moments, sometimes you want to put pechalyaschihsya in the hands of the gospel or the Psalms, to get to the temple in service to the priest for confession... This is also not necessary to do it now. An acute attack passes, and then, perhaps, the man himself, willingly going to Church to worship and be able to vividly perceive. But right now, when he's depressed, should not do it.
We need to pray for him, letting him know that his Church is always waiting for
If you are worried about your loved one, you want to help, support and if you are a believer, then do not force him to do something pious by force, which he is not, and pray about it yourself. The reading of the Psalter helps depression? Well, read the Psalms about for an ailing man. Post notes about his health, put the candle. Believer in depression can be brought from the Church something that he loves and can support: communion bread, Holy water, sanctified oil as the news of his father's house, where he is always waiting.
It is not necessary to sort things out
"I upset you?""Are you mad at me and so sad?"These questions are born from the children of narcissistic feelings of omnipotence — all in this world I control. Remember, Chukovsky "From two to five" — "Now I close my eyes and all of you dark will do!»
No, your loved one may be sad and upset not because of you and not because you did something wrong. This is his internal process, which with you is not related and does not depend on you. Their questions and you are forced to constantly prove their love to you and give you a lot of heat, without which you anxious. He now has no emotional energy to the "Bunny rabbits", "lions" and "XO."
The most cruel, of course, is to demand from the depressed spouse confirmation of self-love in the form of rough sex. During the depression libido decreases and may entirely disappear. Need to know that this is not because he doesn't love you anymore and probably got someone on the side, but because he is now sick.
It is necessary to show patience and compassion
Please try to handle this, you're already big. After a time, your friend will Wake up and will love you again, but right now he needs to otmechaetsya, otgorit and be alone.
It is not necessary to downplay the severity of the condition, to devalue it
"It's nothing, soon you all will be well". Perhaps, after a time suffering from depression do will be good, but now he's really hurting. And from what you try to distract him from his sadness and longing and assumed an optimistic Outlook, it definitely will not become better. He will not appear instantly in the "beautiful far", where he has happily.
Necessary: just to be close
If you want to help, it is better to give a person to understand that in pain and in sorrow you stay with him. "I see how hard this is for you". "You know now how you sad."
Seven million five hundred ninety thousand two hundred ninety nine
Do not: ask boring questions about the state
Yes, as I said, thanks to the popular psychological publications, many have learned that depression is not a manifestation of ill will, and a mental disorder. Of course, this is an excellent opportunity to find out from the sufferer all the details during an acute attack! "And you're a doctor treated, by a psychiatrist or a therapist? And how do they differ from each other? Your pills? Any? And sports you can do? And a car to drive?»
Even during the biliary colic is good to question the patient about the symptoms, unless you are a doctor, ask to repeat the entire medical literature that describe symptoms. Or lose consciousness during a heart attack to get to read you a lecture on cardiology, so you won't be so anxious. Once it hurts, you just have to be a walking medical encyclopedia and give a detailed report to everyone.
It is necessary to treat the person carefully
Show the delicacy and sensitivity. Assist, when asked. Be ready always to pour a man a Cup of hot tea and listen to him if he wants to, don't fumble. Medical questions will only reinforce in him a feeling that he's kinda sick, and it is now not what he needs.
It is not necessary to feed
Many of us are accustomed to Express their love and care of food, prepared or purchased as a gift. "Look, honey, I baked pies with cabbage, try it, how wonderful!"But during the depression of appetite is often reduced. Food is not desirable, even home, even as my grandmother. And if he doesn't eat it, as in the case of sex, not because you bored him or a bad cook, but because of the desires now is not they are depressed. Just leave your cakes in the access area and go.
Need: to help with the housework
But what really should do is to help around the house if you have the desire and opportunity. House depressed neurotic often turns into the trash if the attack lasts a week or two. People can stop to wash the dishes, clean, take care of plants and animals. Not because he is lazy, and because these functions are in depression just off. Grab two trash bags when leaving.
It is not necessary to offer alcohol
Depression — a time when her victim a record number of times offered a drink. "Red wine, feel better". You can't do it in any case! Alcohol — its effect on the depressant and can only make feelings of sadness and grief unbearable and thoughts of suicide.
See also:
Depression is cancelled: 10 tips from the bestseller by Richard O'connor
Flour and depression – the connection
It is necessary not to interfere with a person to listen to yourself
Depression is a kind of messenger... even angel, who through anxiety shows us where to move on. Therefore it is very important to listen to what he came to tell us. Alcohol, rich food and other our habitual ways to unwind and escape are used to this messenger not to hear it. And to listen to his very important, because depression is something knows about us. Don't interrupt her when she came down to your friend and talking with him, it's rude.
And be with him, just be, in sorrow and in joy.published
Author: Olga Gumanova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.matrony.ru/pomoshh-v-depressii-kak-nado-i-kak-ne-nado-7-prostyih-sovetov/
But the questions remain: okay, I realized that "man up" in relation to pechalyaschihsya friend or depressing yourself is inhumanly cruel, and rightly so-how?
Let's speak again how not to do it, and figure out how everything should operate.
Thirty five million nine hundred twenty two thousand four hundred thirty four
It is not necessary: to lighten the mood, to entertain, to make you smile
We may think that the main problem of depressed person — that's his bad mood, and our main illusion that his sorrow could fly like a cloud, if we correctly magically poduim. Believe that sadness was caused by some bad event, or dark thoughts, and if they are replaced immediately on a good, then for our neighbor and happiness will come.
To do this, we begin to offer suffering to watch a Comedy, throw links to funny videos and cartoons, tell jokes, call for a fun party.
But it won't help. Trying to laugh and cheer we can only cause anger, and it can be very many, because the cause of depression is often pent-up anger, who can not find a safe way out.
Believe me, to have fun and enjoy for depressive patients is now as impossible as the marathon for grupowego with temperature under forty.
It is necessary to recognize the pain of others
The right will not try now to change the mood of a loved one with the "wrong" sad "proper" fun, and to give space of its sadness, sorrow, pain, help them to Express and feel.
Can I ask: what song is now most matches your mood? "It is not the wind tends to branch", "Black Raven" or "Anhedonia" the Yankees Dyagilevo? What is the picture like now? And maybe talk about death?
We should show him that in his sorrow you are with him, not only in joy. To make it clear that I understand: conditional cemeteries, monasteries, and derelict industrial zones now much nicer to him than fun parties, clubs or concerts, so you won't try to get him "into the light".
Sixty six million four hundred seventy thousand one hundred fifty two
It is not necessary to missionarity, catechetical, trying to proselytize
Even deeply religious people during depressive episodes can be a diffusion of religious feeling. "I stand at the Liturgy and I did. Indifference, prayer is not, I like a stone" — a typical story about depression from a Christian. Brothers and sisters in the faith, in such moments, sometimes you want to put pechalyaschihsya in the hands of the gospel or the Psalms, to get to the temple in service to the priest for confession... This is also not necessary to do it now. An acute attack passes, and then, perhaps, the man himself, willingly going to Church to worship and be able to vividly perceive. But right now, when he's depressed, should not do it.
We need to pray for him, letting him know that his Church is always waiting for
If you are worried about your loved one, you want to help, support and if you are a believer, then do not force him to do something pious by force, which he is not, and pray about it yourself. The reading of the Psalter helps depression? Well, read the Psalms about for an ailing man. Post notes about his health, put the candle. Believer in depression can be brought from the Church something that he loves and can support: communion bread, Holy water, sanctified oil as the news of his father's house, where he is always waiting.
It is not necessary to sort things out
"I upset you?""Are you mad at me and so sad?"These questions are born from the children of narcissistic feelings of omnipotence — all in this world I control. Remember, Chukovsky "From two to five" — "Now I close my eyes and all of you dark will do!»
No, your loved one may be sad and upset not because of you and not because you did something wrong. This is his internal process, which with you is not related and does not depend on you. Their questions and you are forced to constantly prove their love to you and give you a lot of heat, without which you anxious. He now has no emotional energy to the "Bunny rabbits", "lions" and "XO."
The most cruel, of course, is to demand from the depressed spouse confirmation of self-love in the form of rough sex. During the depression libido decreases and may entirely disappear. Need to know that this is not because he doesn't love you anymore and probably got someone on the side, but because he is now sick.
It is necessary to show patience and compassion
Please try to handle this, you're already big. After a time, your friend will Wake up and will love you again, but right now he needs to otmechaetsya, otgorit and be alone.
It is not necessary to downplay the severity of the condition, to devalue it
"It's nothing, soon you all will be well". Perhaps, after a time suffering from depression do will be good, but now he's really hurting. And from what you try to distract him from his sadness and longing and assumed an optimistic Outlook, it definitely will not become better. He will not appear instantly in the "beautiful far", where he has happily.
Necessary: just to be close
If you want to help, it is better to give a person to understand that in pain and in sorrow you stay with him. "I see how hard this is for you". "You know now how you sad."
Seven million five hundred ninety thousand two hundred ninety nine
Do not: ask boring questions about the state
Yes, as I said, thanks to the popular psychological publications, many have learned that depression is not a manifestation of ill will, and a mental disorder. Of course, this is an excellent opportunity to find out from the sufferer all the details during an acute attack! "And you're a doctor treated, by a psychiatrist or a therapist? And how do they differ from each other? Your pills? Any? And sports you can do? And a car to drive?»
Even during the biliary colic is good to question the patient about the symptoms, unless you are a doctor, ask to repeat the entire medical literature that describe symptoms. Or lose consciousness during a heart attack to get to read you a lecture on cardiology, so you won't be so anxious. Once it hurts, you just have to be a walking medical encyclopedia and give a detailed report to everyone.
It is necessary to treat the person carefully
Show the delicacy and sensitivity. Assist, when asked. Be ready always to pour a man a Cup of hot tea and listen to him if he wants to, don't fumble. Medical questions will only reinforce in him a feeling that he's kinda sick, and it is now not what he needs.
It is not necessary to feed
Many of us are accustomed to Express their love and care of food, prepared or purchased as a gift. "Look, honey, I baked pies with cabbage, try it, how wonderful!"But during the depression of appetite is often reduced. Food is not desirable, even home, even as my grandmother. And if he doesn't eat it, as in the case of sex, not because you bored him or a bad cook, but because of the desires now is not they are depressed. Just leave your cakes in the access area and go.
Need: to help with the housework
But what really should do is to help around the house if you have the desire and opportunity. House depressed neurotic often turns into the trash if the attack lasts a week or two. People can stop to wash the dishes, clean, take care of plants and animals. Not because he is lazy, and because these functions are in depression just off. Grab two trash bags when leaving.
It is not necessary to offer alcohol
Depression — a time when her victim a record number of times offered a drink. "Red wine, feel better". You can't do it in any case! Alcohol — its effect on the depressant and can only make feelings of sadness and grief unbearable and thoughts of suicide.
See also:
Depression is cancelled: 10 tips from the bestseller by Richard O'connor
Flour and depression – the connection
It is necessary not to interfere with a person to listen to yourself
Depression is a kind of messenger... even angel, who through anxiety shows us where to move on. Therefore it is very important to listen to what he came to tell us. Alcohol, rich food and other our habitual ways to unwind and escape are used to this messenger not to hear it. And to listen to his very important, because depression is something knows about us. Don't interrupt her when she came down to your friend and talking with him, it's rude.
And be with him, just be, in sorrow and in joy.published
Author: Olga Gumanova
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: www.matrony.ru/pomoshh-v-depressii-kak-nado-i-kak-ne-nado-7-prostyih-sovetov/
