10 recipes perfect Depression

Before, people complained about the "blues", "depressed", but this is not serious, then the century of high technologies, nekultovo, unfashionable, not con-chain-to-al-no.

How to get yourself a

... Born in the throes of a cult of depression.

And beckons, beckoning beauty of melancholy in stuffy lobby, the age-old dust of loneliness and black lace decadence. Like mushrooms after acid rain, have got nowhere to daylight black monks mortal anguish, depression, sad dogs - the Goths. Twitching, howling children Despres-propaganda - "emo". Where are the happy faces of the builders of the Shining something? Why vivacity of advertising slogans does not become happier?
The cult of depression sweeping the planet, regardless of party. From her not insured neither the first oligarch nor - even! - The last homeless.
Here's weapons of mass destruction. World at progressing as radiation sickness, merciless depresnyaka.
It is - in everyone who has ever read a word in the little book on psychology or heard from senior colleagues ... and believe in its existence!
Now the children absorb this belief with their mother's milk. And if before the question "Why are you so sour?" First-grader said, "Because Marivanna fool old, put two and shouted," Now confined to a laconic answer: "I'm depressed."
That girl. She never smiles. Nobody likes.
She thinks that her depression. Even so, I am afraid that if smoked two packs of cigarettes a day diet "dietkola + lollipop" that even I begin depression.
But to the point. I wish to look at the patterns of depression inept, tasteless, unattractive. Worship must be beautiful on it and the administration.
As you know, modern civilization gives us a lot of reasons not only for melancholy, but also for suicide, but if misused these tools can make the worst case cirrhosis.
Therefore, especially for fans of the soul itself, and then the others offer a series of recipes ideal depression, affordable owner of a modest purse.

1 Hoti. Hoti as much as possible. If you do not want, you want to force yourself. The material world is endless, and in order to make one of the most valuable types of depression - chronic, need passion for excesses things and little things. Learn magazines, advertising as you can see closely, and remember: you do (all) and worthy of all others it is simply the world is unfair!

2 Be hypochondriac! Listen to the opinions of others. Trust everyone, especially in regard to you! If someone looked at you, it can not be just. Try to understand why this is all so take a look at you. Surely you something is not right. Guilt - art accessible not for everyone, but mastered it, you will open the door to the kingdom itself Depression!

3 ON. The most delicate question. Some will suit her absence, and some, on the contrary, the presence. Getting a job, make sure that the chief was younger, dumber and / or more beautiful than you, woman. Everyday work in the sense of Monday's you provided.

4 DRINK ALCOHOL! Drink a lot, with or without. Evil alcohol interferes with ... And yet, even the type of drink does not matter. This is the fastest way to achieve the desired, because owners rarely achieve good health condition of depression, and some old-fashioned fans of gymnastics, yoga, jogging live life, so it never experienced!
Recommendation: especially quality of depression reach you quickly through a large number of beer. For those who do not know: beer - this faithful companion of depression. Dullness causes rapid pressure drop and the overall reduction in the tone.
More specific recommendations: ideal if drinking buddies will be co-workers with the unloved work.

5 smoke. This low-cost and affordable way to kill the vessels of the brain takes you unforgettable hours of depression and cheerful pyatiminutok semiconscious spasms.

6 Do not try to get enough sleep! Energy Drink mixed with coffee, if you suddenly left the addiction to sleep until after midnight!

7 is not cleaned. Bear in mind that ordinary dust perfectly visible under all lighting conditions.
Cover the walls in brown, red or dark blue, and ceiling write "Life - is a hard feat daily!»
If you have a computer, place it on the desktop Portrait of a smiling Bill Gates saying: "Thanks to you, today I earned one million dollars." If you are not a portrait of him has the desired impact, it may help to picture your ex. Just smoothly to the mirror effect sticky poster with Kate Moss in a bathing suit.

8, draw up a detailed list of everything and everyone EVER YOU offended. Regularly re-read it. Supplementing.
Comprehend. Look for the actions of people particularly nasty personal motives.
Special recommendation: Do not forget about the parents! Surely all your troubles go from them, and no one in your life does not hurt you more. You can even create a separate list of "Why do parents never let me love" and regularly read the ancestors especially bright points.

9 LEARN TO HATE MYSELF. School days usually provide some training in self-loathing, but only a start, which is easy to lose. Make yourself to solve the equation with logarithms, and after the failure of utter aloud: "I am a complete idiot." Or, for example, go to the casting of models (or send resume to the recently vacated position of CEO of your company), wait three months (do not forget to check your mail every half hour!) And receiving no answer, hang on a wall: "I am a loser."
Specific recommendations: in case of a positive response immediately goes to the next step!

10 OU and love. Needless to say, you must convince yourself of its absence. But if you are an advanced user and want to experience the real, classic depression, you must at the same time eager to claim as much self-love.
And, of course, its manifestations in the form of the material world of values ​​of n. 1, for just in its existence you do not believe (see. Above).

PS Remember! Depression, like all myths, is extremely unstable substance, and only by your faith in it depends on whether it will be your guiding star (or, better said, guiding a black hole).


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