As old as the world the subject of relations between parents and children, and so many interesting things can be found in stories about the relationship between children and their parents of their spouses. Sons-in-law, mother-in-law with-in-law, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law and her father are key figures not only in the works of national folklore, but ordinary after-dinner conversations.
The intricacies of fate and the behavioral characteristics outlined above figures are striking in their scale and variety, but today I want to focus on the discrepancy between the views of parents and of the son, of the device in question his personal life. "She is not suitable to him!" — about it, that is. And also on the behavior of the son, his girlfriend/wife and all other parties in the chain involved in the whirlpool acloselink events.
A situation in which the girl's parents opposed her men, too, happen in the modern world, but in most cases they are connected with the fact that parents are afraid for himself and the daughter with the "consequences" of a failed Union (mostly children) will have to deal with them, or daughter in solitude. The story understandable, so let's about the man and his parents.
Parents, like all people, come in different levels of development and degree of awareness, but analysis of the conflict situation should start with the option "what if the parents are right?" At least, to listen to opinion and look for a grain of truth in their words. Why parents are against the relationship or a future marriage of the son?
Very often their disagreement with the choice of the son is not linked to a particular girl, and very sensible questions "where and what are you going to live?", "Who will earn for your College education and child support?", "Which means to get married" etc.
Immature male in such cases, either removed and/or shows aggression to the parents, or the script "Mama's boy" starts to come to the girl and say: "Mom said she was against our relationship, and I don't know what to do, it's all very sad."
The girl, instead of seriously asking the same questions that parents often falls into extremes of "they are bad, because against our love" and "I clouds will shrug, to be good and deserve their love." Both options are not as good as it seems at first glance.For the necessary maturity and at least partial reliance on own resources
(partial acceptable at a young age and the first years of life together, but the course it is necessary to keep the maximum independence from the parental home). At first it may seem that love will overcome all, but in fact many families are falling apart precisely because of the lack of material resources: money, housing, no opportunity for recreation, credit problems, no money for a sitter, but also there is no possibility that the woman was at home, and one husband support the family.
The cost of clothes, car, education of children, joint life and much more, unfortunately, return to earth quickly enough, so to the story about the Paradise in a tent ought to be treated more rationally. And if you already have everything, because my parents help financially, bought an apartment, a car, pay for education and ongoing expenses, whose family happens? Own or parent?
About it already wrote, and this this situation, as you know, it happens a lot. Don't have to be rich, but both the man and the woman should understand, in what scenario envisages the development of their families, which means they will live, who will earn.
In addition to the material resources needed in nature, because "sissy" in the end, tortured by the fact that not the head of the family, not a man, next unsafe and a lot more. If man is to grow "under duress", with the distribution of roles in the family will eventually become very bad, the family will fall apart.
Female fatigue accumulates, the time is coming, and "I'm all by myself Yes, the very key decisions to make and problems to solve must." Non-monetary situations that require patience, wisdom, and power in families happens a lot (conflict, disease, "third extra", repairs, moving, etc.), so ignore a sober look at ourselves and each other is not necessary. From the outset you need to understand that the relationship of man to his parents is his area of responsibility
. Yes, when the border was built, the man proved to my parents by word and deed that he is a Mature person, and if still not fully matured, then on the way to it, resolute and ready to take responsibility for their actions and not run at the first problem for parents, here is the woman should try to win the respect and love of his parents, but to do this on the rights of women who chose in his life, the man is a grown son to his parents.
If she begins to try to solve problems directly, what kind of family is this? "Oh, honey, my mom's such a character, she doesn't even want to get to know you, says you're not good for me, but let's do something to change the situation" — what even is that?))
Come solve problems with his mother and father talk, think about the future life, and then bring the girl to meet them. How further to live, if from the beginning the man leaves the responsibility of establishing relations in your family?
If the matter is not in money and not in their own resources, that's all OK, and parents just don't like the choice of the son (for different reasons), the first handle must be to the man. Are familiar to our world relations total merging and mixing all the roles in families lead to dissatisfaction with his life, so why aggravate the situation, if possible to prevent it? If a man is not ready to introduce the woman to their parents, afraid of their disapproval, shifts the responsibility for the decision on his wife, tries to remain all good, not wanting to defend their opinion, so does it make sense to strive to become his wife?
It may be worth it to wait until it will solve their problems or put things on pause? It is not the parents, and the maturity of the person and his relations with the outside world.
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When a man knows where he goes, he solves his problems, his words have weight. Parents can approve or not his choice, but it's his business, he can deal with the consequences and to protect if necessary your woman. It seems to me that something like that in a normal scenario, should be in a relationship, but your opinion of course may differ from mine. I wish you happiness! published
Author: Dean Richards
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©