How to survive a difficult divorce and re-learn to trust yourself.
Four years ago I came to accept the woman in a pretty exhausted condition. I then worked a lot with the divorce, I have published a book "the girl and the Desert," based on his own divorce, and I treated many women for rehabilitation.
Working with divorce is rather careful and patient promotion. To mourn the grief, the loss, to remember, to recollect, to remember. Extremely difficult, hard, painful experience that lied and cheated. To figure out what to do with children and how they now live and talk.
Once gently touch the anger. Anger. Rage. Impotence. To take in them. To accept what had happened. To detect finally, among the pain itself — survived, though wounded. Discover own life. Reluctant to start something to do with it, or finally start doing what I wanted always. To cope with Nakata once again by anger, jealousy, rage, fear, pain, loneliness, powerlessness. I've seen a lot of these stories.
Telling his sad story, my client said how beautiful their lives were like with her husband. How he became successful, implemented what turned out to be talented. Strict as he was to her appearance and clothes, how the house looks, what the view of the night Moscow was opened from their Windows.
During their marriage she also made a career — a successful senior Manager in a Federal company. Trying to cope with the breakup, she worked day and night, brought the firm a lot of money and come home and just fell into the pillow in the morning to get up and go to work in battle.
We talked about her marriage and how everything in it was arranged. As her challenge on the inside. What she herself suppressed and not shown. As her needs were the default, from the beginning, unimportant. Always high white stilettos, a white luxury car, all she had earned herself, she talked about the fact that the ex-husband seems to be happy in his new marriage, and she is lonely and misses, longs for, and makes no sense.
When the time came that the work in which the client begins to breathe a little air of the present, not the past, she found herself near the man. He was younger than her eight years, not gorgeous, ordinary, worked for his uncle, but very persistent, muttering about "not fall behind" and "go drink coffee". He didn't even have a car.
She snorted, shrugged and smiled, and I told her — well, coffee-drink can? She nodded and left, banging tall heels.
Then she came several times more, we talked about this and that, this neolycaena did not lag behind, has grown up in the service, he promised her Golden mountains and love, but the former posted photos on Facebook throughout devastating well being, and it was once again covered.
And suddenly at next session she came in completely different. Makeup, smiling and easy. "What's wrong with you, you smile as if something happened" — I asked. "We were walking, she said. On Sparrow hills. Walk. I was without a car. And we were kissing. And I was in sneakers".
"You know what? — leaning closer, she said. — In fact I was so good and easy sneakers. They can walk fast and wherever you want. In fact, I felt like a girl. I am. I inside always in sneakers and not heels. I just is long forgotten".
So, after another walk, through shoes, she cautiously made his way to his true.
For the sake of the beloved very handsome husband, she once refused to "girls in sneakers" in. After a steep — always in stilettos, her husband, felt, perhaps so insignificant that he needed any external confirmation of its own coolness: including the woman nearby.
In white, the cool car, heels, and nothing else. Ill, pregnant, or worse — after a miscarriage, snot, and tears, not the winner, the usual, he didn't need. She tried to meet, always smiling, beaming, holding his back. In itself that's fine, but the question of price: if an important part of you, free, calm, happy this time locked in the closet, for whom all this? And for what? She quietly admitted that he was once her most expensive and Yes, for the sake of it.
At this stage, the main job for her was to ensure maximum honesty with yourself. She remembered this young, fearless, loving, sometimes scared or confused. Protected, restored, stood up for themselves now from the standpoint of a strong adult woman with a light step.
The man next to our heroine, meanwhile, strongly asked her to marry, they married and gave birth to a daughter, it was quite ambitious to grow quickly in the service, confident enough to provide her a chance to breathe, to walk, to take the time to sleep enough, she left before they got married and it was amazing too: he just trusted, went to live on his not so big money.
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Did not have much money, a machine, a killer life, it turns out, she said, need no evaluation, even the most beloved, to feel what you are now for the most important thing. Lightness and joy, she said, when I asked to call her the most important thing. I am and have always been, before, in childhood, she said, just forgot. published
Author: Yulia Rubleva
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©