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Family for three.
The choice of one option from several available is not always within the power of a simple mortal, therefore, there are many bizarre combinations of not only various activities, but also relationships in our world.
Not everyone is able to be deeply and long in union with one loved one. To begin with, you need to try to find such a person, and if you succeed, then you will have to change, deepen, give in to something, accept something, close your eyes to something, and a lot of everything routine will have to go through in human relationships. Love, friendship, care, tenderness, beauty – they are also filled with the lives of loved ones, but you still need to get to the real feelings, they do not lie on the surface.
On the surface there is passion, love, the effect of novelty, besides, relationships do not always begin with awareness, most often the usual scenario works. To get to the true senses, one must concentrate in this direction; moreover, one must not only discover the true senses, but also learn to maintain and preserve them.
Persistence in love requires skill and a large number of hooks that connect people with each other. Hook-common pastIn which long looks, and beautiful dates, and a lot of laughter, smiles, joy, hook in difficult times, where so much has been passed together, where tears and defeats, disappointments, resentments and missed opportunities, hookAnd the two hearts of the world are filled with joy and grief. children Then those hooks, shared interests, plans for the future, deep conversations, the desire to understand and get to know the one with whom you live under the same roof, the joy of victories, financial prosperity, career growth, joint travel and many other unifying activities, year after year throwing bridges from the heart of one partner to another.
As you can see, in such a rich rhythm and with a balanced life, there is not much space and time left for someone third to accidentally appear. The "accidental" third never appears.Meetings with a third person can become a threat to two people only when bridges and hooks were not enough, and there was free space for the third person in the family system.
A close examination of the situation with the “third superfluous” in the relationship reveals that The cause of this behavior is a person’s broken contact with himself.Destructive scenarios of the past and not very high level of psychological maturity. Relationships with a beloved man or woman fill, but at the same time they require return, they should have a balance of “give and take”. And when you want more than you give, or you can’t get everything you want in one place, people try to get it in parts and in several places.
And it is difficult to say that the decision comes consciously, usually just so "happens" - yesterday only the phone was taken from the girl, and today she demands from you to divorce your wife, because you have been together for six months and are tired of waiting.
A love triangle is a very problematic thing, it brings joy only at the beginning, and even then not to all participants of this geometric figure. I write a lot about this, so I write. You know about moral and ethical norms without me, I will not talk about this, about karmic consequences, perhaps, you have also heard about it (in life everything comes back to us, but not in similar events, but in the form of states experienced by people suffering through our fault). I’ll just paint it by the roles in the triangle and for situations where people actually want to make a difference.
The first role is a person to whom a husband or wife cheats with someone “on the side”, They may even be leaving the family. It is difficult to feel like a winner in this state, of course, and when you learn about the betrayal, something crumbles inside, but if there are enough “hooks” in the form of a common past and present, children and mortgages, then just close the door behind him and never communicate is unlikely to be a good way out. Whether you like it or not, in order not to collapse in such a situation, you will have to take care of yourself. Review relationships, analyze causes, change, live resentment, anger, disappointment, rejection, weigh the pros and cons, try to return or honestly admit to yourself that everything is long dead, the stage is over, you need to move on.
The biggest problems in this role are sacrifice and forgiveness for fear of being alone, because as a result, a person accumulates a lot of poison inside, which either poisons health or leads to alienation. Stubborn unforgiveness leads to the same thing, here you need to understand. They usually leave us for a while or forever, not only because something goes wrong with us, not because we are bad, but that person is good. Most often, the changer himself has a deep internal conflict, which he tries to solve by changing external circumstances. Or if this partner is not very developed, lives in ignorance and wants to get pleasure, regardless of our feelings, then the question arises, why do we choose to still be with him?
Role two. - the one who cheats. It cannot be said that a person does so according to a predetermined plan of atrocities, usually it is either a weakness of feelings or a desire for a better life, which is superimposed on very strange attitudes regarding family life - if something does not work with a husband or wife, but you really want, then why not look for what you want outside of it? Philosophy is simple, but there are enough problems - from various diseases of the soul and body to problems associated with the need to choose, increasing financial expenses, changing living conditions, etc.
A wife or husband with whom there are children, cohabitation, relatives, a lot of past, present and future plans against a lover or mistress with whom novelty, romance, intimacy, adventure and all that. As I wrote, while a person is both there and there, it is difficult for him to adequately assess the situation, usually a partner and a lover complement each other in qualities, so the situation can last for years.
To change the situation, you need to focus primarily on yourself, begin to realize your values, needs and plans for life, be somewhere in silence and solitude, if possible. And then, from two options, choose one (at least for a while) and go deep into it, in the end, an adult is one who knows how to answer for the consequences of his decisions and actions. The faster the concentration on oneself, and then on one of the partners, the more chances to get out of the triangle without finally destroying oneself and the lives of loved ones.
The third role is the one with whom they cheat. Romance, secret correspondence, stormy meetings and gifts are spinning, and a minimum of obligations gives the idea that such a relationship can be terminated at any time. As time passes, the attachment increases, the desire for certainty begins. Where are the guarantees that I will not waste my life waiting for him to leave the family? Will we have children? When will we be able to talk openly about our relationship? Why should I spend holidays and holidays alone if I have a loved one (or holidays together, and weekdays and nights alone)? And at this stage, the lover/lover begins to try to influence the situation by asking for decisive steps.
But look, if a person is really strong, then, firstly, he would not have a mistress, because it is dishonest and will necessarily bring pain to the husband / wife and children, and secondly, if the family is actually as bad as he / she often describes, then an adult must first deal with these problems in the family, solve them, try to fix or already disperse, taking responsibility for this choice. He must explain to the children what is happening, be for some time in all this negativity, solve property issues, etc.
And if you have to initiate all this, force a person to divorce, talk to his wife/husband, weep at night from the pain of choice and situation, justify inaction by the fact that now is not the time, be inspired by the idea of “he loves me so much, just have to wait a little, then your partner is not as mature as you want to believe.” And why are you so sure that being in the role of a legitimate wife/husband will not have to face the same things that his family is going through?
Relationships are strong where there are conscious choices, honesty with oneself, commitment and a realistic view of what is happening. Yes, it happens that people live in such threes for years, invisibly or visibly present in each other's lives:
Things happen.
The question is, What do you want from life? Cheatings can be experienced and forgiven, you can not survive and not forgive, you can forgive, but choose to go in separate ways, but if you just look honestly at yourself and the situation, then no special knowledge is required.
"Oh, it was so good and he ruined it!" Oh, does it happen that in fact everything is good, and a person takes and voluntarily arranges it to be bad?
I love both of them and I don’t know what to do. - Come on, everyone knows what to do, it's just that you want to solve the problem, but at the same time do not give up pleasure.
If you honestly want to solve the problem, you have to sacrifice something, for example, your own comfort.
“Their family has long been bad, they have no intimacy, they live like neighbors!- I beg you. When things are bad, people disperse, because living in one territory is already unbearable.
Maybe your partner doesn’t want to be in trouble? Maybe you are a convenient option for him to change one picture to another without any indiscriminate internal conflicts?
Also interesting: The main criterion of a healthy relationship
6 conditions for creating a happy marriage
If you ask honest questions to him and to yourself, you get clarity quickly enough; the question is, do you need that clarity if you are still where you are?
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/ 10153695767919452
Not everyone is able to be deeply and long in union with one loved one. To begin with, you need to try to find such a person, and if you succeed, then you will have to change, deepen, give in to something, accept something, close your eyes to something, and a lot of everything routine will have to go through in human relationships. Love, friendship, care, tenderness, beauty – they are also filled with the lives of loved ones, but you still need to get to the real feelings, they do not lie on the surface.
On the surface there is passion, love, the effect of novelty, besides, relationships do not always begin with awareness, most often the usual scenario works. To get to the true senses, one must concentrate in this direction; moreover, one must not only discover the true senses, but also learn to maintain and preserve them.
Persistence in love requires skill and a large number of hooks that connect people with each other. Hook-common pastIn which long looks, and beautiful dates, and a lot of laughter, smiles, joy, hook in difficult times, where so much has been passed together, where tears and defeats, disappointments, resentments and missed opportunities, hookAnd the two hearts of the world are filled with joy and grief. children Then those hooks, shared interests, plans for the future, deep conversations, the desire to understand and get to know the one with whom you live under the same roof, the joy of victories, financial prosperity, career growth, joint travel and many other unifying activities, year after year throwing bridges from the heart of one partner to another.
As you can see, in such a rich rhythm and with a balanced life, there is not much space and time left for someone third to accidentally appear. The "accidental" third never appears.Meetings with a third person can become a threat to two people only when bridges and hooks were not enough, and there was free space for the third person in the family system.
A close examination of the situation with the “third superfluous” in the relationship reveals that The cause of this behavior is a person’s broken contact with himself.Destructive scenarios of the past and not very high level of psychological maturity. Relationships with a beloved man or woman fill, but at the same time they require return, they should have a balance of “give and take”. And when you want more than you give, or you can’t get everything you want in one place, people try to get it in parts and in several places.
And it is difficult to say that the decision comes consciously, usually just so "happens" - yesterday only the phone was taken from the girl, and today she demands from you to divorce your wife, because you have been together for six months and are tired of waiting.
A love triangle is a very problematic thing, it brings joy only at the beginning, and even then not to all participants of this geometric figure. I write a lot about this, so I write. You know about moral and ethical norms without me, I will not talk about this, about karmic consequences, perhaps, you have also heard about it (in life everything comes back to us, but not in similar events, but in the form of states experienced by people suffering through our fault). I’ll just paint it by the roles in the triangle and for situations where people actually want to make a difference.
The first role is a person to whom a husband or wife cheats with someone “on the side”, They may even be leaving the family. It is difficult to feel like a winner in this state, of course, and when you learn about the betrayal, something crumbles inside, but if there are enough “hooks” in the form of a common past and present, children and mortgages, then just close the door behind him and never communicate is unlikely to be a good way out. Whether you like it or not, in order not to collapse in such a situation, you will have to take care of yourself. Review relationships, analyze causes, change, live resentment, anger, disappointment, rejection, weigh the pros and cons, try to return or honestly admit to yourself that everything is long dead, the stage is over, you need to move on.
The biggest problems in this role are sacrifice and forgiveness for fear of being alone, because as a result, a person accumulates a lot of poison inside, which either poisons health or leads to alienation. Stubborn unforgiveness leads to the same thing, here you need to understand. They usually leave us for a while or forever, not only because something goes wrong with us, not because we are bad, but that person is good. Most often, the changer himself has a deep internal conflict, which he tries to solve by changing external circumstances. Or if this partner is not very developed, lives in ignorance and wants to get pleasure, regardless of our feelings, then the question arises, why do we choose to still be with him?
Role two. - the one who cheats. It cannot be said that a person does so according to a predetermined plan of atrocities, usually it is either a weakness of feelings or a desire for a better life, which is superimposed on very strange attitudes regarding family life - if something does not work with a husband or wife, but you really want, then why not look for what you want outside of it? Philosophy is simple, but there are enough problems - from various diseases of the soul and body to problems associated with the need to choose, increasing financial expenses, changing living conditions, etc.
A wife or husband with whom there are children, cohabitation, relatives, a lot of past, present and future plans against a lover or mistress with whom novelty, romance, intimacy, adventure and all that. As I wrote, while a person is both there and there, it is difficult for him to adequately assess the situation, usually a partner and a lover complement each other in qualities, so the situation can last for years.
To change the situation, you need to focus primarily on yourself, begin to realize your values, needs and plans for life, be somewhere in silence and solitude, if possible. And then, from two options, choose one (at least for a while) and go deep into it, in the end, an adult is one who knows how to answer for the consequences of his decisions and actions. The faster the concentration on oneself, and then on one of the partners, the more chances to get out of the triangle without finally destroying oneself and the lives of loved ones.
The third role is the one with whom they cheat. Romance, secret correspondence, stormy meetings and gifts are spinning, and a minimum of obligations gives the idea that such a relationship can be terminated at any time. As time passes, the attachment increases, the desire for certainty begins. Where are the guarantees that I will not waste my life waiting for him to leave the family? Will we have children? When will we be able to talk openly about our relationship? Why should I spend holidays and holidays alone if I have a loved one (or holidays together, and weekdays and nights alone)? And at this stage, the lover/lover begins to try to influence the situation by asking for decisive steps.
But look, if a person is really strong, then, firstly, he would not have a mistress, because it is dishonest and will necessarily bring pain to the husband / wife and children, and secondly, if the family is actually as bad as he / she often describes, then an adult must first deal with these problems in the family, solve them, try to fix or already disperse, taking responsibility for this choice. He must explain to the children what is happening, be for some time in all this negativity, solve property issues, etc.
And if you have to initiate all this, force a person to divorce, talk to his wife/husband, weep at night from the pain of choice and situation, justify inaction by the fact that now is not the time, be inspired by the idea of “he loves me so much, just have to wait a little, then your partner is not as mature as you want to believe.” And why are you so sure that being in the role of a legitimate wife/husband will not have to face the same things that his family is going through?
Relationships are strong where there are conscious choices, honesty with oneself, commitment and a realistic view of what is happening. Yes, it happens that people live in such threes for years, invisibly or visibly present in each other's lives:
- husband, wife and mistress;
- wife, husband and lover;
- Husband, wife, and each one of them.
Things happen.
The question is, What do you want from life? Cheatings can be experienced and forgiven, you can not survive and not forgive, you can forgive, but choose to go in separate ways, but if you just look honestly at yourself and the situation, then no special knowledge is required.
"Oh, it was so good and he ruined it!" Oh, does it happen that in fact everything is good, and a person takes and voluntarily arranges it to be bad?
I love both of them and I don’t know what to do. - Come on, everyone knows what to do, it's just that you want to solve the problem, but at the same time do not give up pleasure.
If you honestly want to solve the problem, you have to sacrifice something, for example, your own comfort.
“Their family has long been bad, they have no intimacy, they live like neighbors!- I beg you. When things are bad, people disperse, because living in one territory is already unbearable.
Maybe your partner doesn’t want to be in trouble? Maybe you are a convenient option for him to change one picture to another without any indiscriminate internal conflicts?
Also interesting: The main criterion of a healthy relationship
6 conditions for creating a happy marriage
If you ask honest questions to him and to yourself, you get clarity quickly enough; the question is, do you need that clarity if you are still where you are?
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: www.facebook.com/dina.v.richards/posts/ 10153695767919452
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