You will never be able to understand those with whom we live, until life happens in all its glory

Growing up always comes imperceptibly, as the time of mists. First learn to work, then change jobs, then stop, having found her. Acquire relationships, hone skills, determine priorities.

You buy a car, rent an apartment, acquire responsibility. One day grow up to the decision to start a family, build a house or to start their own business. And then just work, work, work. Wrong, disappointed, disappoint yourself, but continue to row to the place where the beacons burn, the way the heart beats.

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And here it is particularly interesting to observe how Mature couple. How to go through the stage of decision-making, determining joint tomorrow, when charming naked romance comes a steady and stable life: "And at us in apartment gas, and you? – We have plumbing! Here!»

When suddenly you discover that growing up being in a couple, not so simple. Fatigue to see each other, irritation from lack of sleep, moments of weakness. Experience periods of resentful silence and sometimes apathetic indifference, which occurs when forces are not just ended, and exhausted to zero.

To have it all under one roof, under one blanket. At such moments, rarely I think, but whether you do, and this taught you clever books and your counselor, and if you do not lose face, do not descend to the level of market habalki... No – I ask only one thing: that the voice treacherously shaking when talking, and the strength to survive until morning is wiser than evening.

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To rise above itself and to cultivate one handier than the two of us – no one bothers you, do not climb with uninvited councils, not knocked off course. In the end, only you know best what you need your soul to find peace. Yes, but harmony is purchased alone, is the condition which alone will work. Will fall as snow on the head of Another – and will end a state of bliss, will come to naught. New orders in the monastery will have to restore – to bring together two of the Charter.

Honestly, I truly believe: played in "personal growth" is necessary before marriage. To deal with the system of values and deposits "want", "do not want", "I don't want to, but I will" and "can't and won't ever," and then move on to the next level and to build a family, that is to develop your overall business, not private business in itself, requiring constant attention and investment. There is a time to know yourself and have the time to know themselves in the family, since you created it – no other time left, well, except that to admire the snow falling, and there is a foam with raspberry jam.

The amazing thing to say, but relationship is the best training for the development of the best that is in us. Painful, joyful, effective and free. Just don't close your eyes, when you grow up – you need to watch. Not to who near, not on his height or, as you think, to stop the development, and in the same direction. All, as bequeathed Exupery.

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Don't get me wrong – I'm all for smart and good books, sensible trainings and programs. But only if they are intended to both feel better and no one claimed in the brave new world where anything is possible, and the second remained to plow, as an ox to pay off the loan. Because usually when the first of this brave new world is back, world second can't even fit one on the little finger – so it seems cramped, small and poor.

I believe "real" and "correct" love is not the one where you have a perfect match at the edges, like the same, and "so similar" and that which you both want to build, being well aware, why do you care at all about that, and whether you need.

And from what a have to give up, that was good for both parties, not just you. Enormous, Titanic work, but much more rewarding than all the time should we focus only on what you feel and how that coincides with your true purpose, and does not prevent any Other your inner growth, without associated wings. It sucks to be any need to move a little in their beliefs is perceived as aggression on your tender I am.

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© yuliya hil


When something goes wrong, the phrase "I'm in the house" – the bad way: you can't pretend you're not, hoping thus to dissolve and your problems. You can't jump to an unpleasant conversation because of a panic fear to say or to hear something, then your world will never be the same. Last and never will be – in a relationship inside of you is constantly invisible work: "I will never be able to take" transformirovalsya in a resounding "I did it" and "I'll die without you" – "can't believe I'm going to live."

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Look... Remember The "Dreadnoughts" Grishkovets? This passage – he is in the depths of his just about exactly what I'm trying to say here and confusing to convey: the soul grows, passing through the reality, not the books and trainings. And you will never be able to truly understand those with whom we live until this life won't happen to you in all its glory.


"I bought and read a lot of books about the ships of the First World. I think I know all the names of proud of these fine destroyers, cruisers, battleships and remember the names of all the participants of those battles: admirals, officers, sailors. I managed to visit all the major Maritime museums in England and Germany.

I found that women do not go to these museums and these books do not read. They, the women, the books, even in hands do not take. And in museums come only as a bored mom or teachers accompanying the noisy boys.

In these books there is no inscription "Women aren't allowed to read". These books are quite accessible and written less confusing and vague language than ugly books about male psychology. Books about male psychology, women buy and read. Although there about men are written as about some strange animals or of aliens with very strange behavior.

And incidentally, it was in the books about the ships, about men there is such information that cannot be found anywhere else. There, in the books about ships, there's a lot about men's dreams, illusions and ambitions. And descriptions – Yes, the descriptions of men in the same condition in women which men have never seen. A description of how they, men, have died. Died in combat. Short and precise information about the death of the ships. And numbers, dead officers and sailors.

If women read these books, they maybe would become better and easier. Maybe they would look at us with more hope…»


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So: the family and life is a challenge that must be taken to "more hope" to look at yourself. To learn about the strength and weakness, of cowardice and courage, of ability or inability to inspire, to protect, cherish and maintain. And find out it's not crossfire with the enemy in the ocean, and here, on the mainland, in a small kitchen.

I'm all for the family was not looking for "himself and his own I" and a single total.

Because the family starts with the letter «we».published 


Author: Olga Primachenko


Also interesting: "Real" is not – there are happy or not

"Their" people know instantly


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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