Rampant trouble in the post-Soviet space under the title "no money".
"We have no money for that", "We is your father not make money", "Uncle Serezha steals, and my dad", "Big money trouble," "We can't afford it".
Grow quite a adults uncles and aunties. Businessmen and business ladies, by the way. With a tremendous amount of money that they earn. And still here, in my chest, the feeling that "no money".
Grow up to be clever and clever that are unable for some reason to earn a lot.
And if you suddenly fall on them or will earn a certain amount, they from it successfully and get out fast. They immediately there are fires, floods, breakdowns, and all this by chance received in what they consider "fat" out there.
Eighteen million seven hundred fifty one thousand nine hundred fifty seven
On one of the groups about the money one girl said, "and I think such a big sum, how to get rid of it?"The group laughed and rustled. I asked "to get rid of?"She looked at me with uncomprehending eyes. "I said to invest," she explained. "No, you said "get rid" said the group. We have seen how she sincerely himself did not hear, and in fact, her unconscious blabbed.
In the history of her family, dispossession, repression, trouble from prosperity in the Soviet era, and, of course, unconscious of the hard order that the array of cash and do little above what is necessary for survival - life-threatening. The money should be reset to get rid of. She came to the group with the problem of "can not save".Actually a story about money, it's a story about security.
Is it safe to allow yourself a well-being, comfort, and other opportunities than most of the population? My fellow citizens, for example, reviled sometimes in the PM the last words that I dare to dance and enjoy life, what's more to want to continue to do this when the country is "in trouble."
The country in which the value and valor is survival on the iron bunk in the freezing chamber, of course, will never recognize the state on the ideological level, the value of ordinary domestic comfort. When it's warm and not cold when tasty, and not so himself, when pretty and abundant, but not necessary and hard.
When is the best time to make friends, to cooperate, to mutual benefit, and not to fight, to defend and to suspect. It's a stupid, disgusting, pointless skill to dance, want a nice bathroom, wanting to have money for travel and beautiful clothes, not only for food. He is insecure, this skill will come and dispossessed.Those who carry a dysfunctional program about the money, have the following
Those to whom the family gave a good skill to manage money, know a magic formula. It's called "I'm enough".
- they have the money for a "children's spending": food, bags, books, best gadgets, but buying them can't afford and often on credit; this is analogous to the bubble gum and ice cream in a child's life. He sees the child, passing by colorful seductive of a stall? he sees such lovely colorful wrappers, chocolates, maybe the little toy soldiers, and he's wasting your pocket money. This category of citizens money, too, mostly pocket. Note that this does not depend on the size of their salaries!
- they don't see themselves as owners of expensive equipment or a good repair, travel where I want and far, they are not the ones who invest in their education or a child's education, but they are the ones who buy sometimes very expensive food in expensive shops and spending quite a lot without noticing from time to time holes in the budget;
- they do not risk where there could be risk, and are unpredictable. Does not pay in advance for purchases or events, although it is beneficial, because "and suddenly changed his mind". Very worried, worked if waiters their gratuities, and the specialist, the teacher, the doctor — the time. They don't see any "show-off" is to treat the teeth in a good clinic or to consult with a good lawyer, and save on this by buying the iPhone in the loan or car service which they can not afford.
- what about the big, adult purchase the type of car or apartment, it is a problem. For training about money can come adult of thirty men who feel too young for this level of responsibility and the level of wages. As a rule, both men and women it is amazing and quite hard to do with a lack of skill to take care of yourself — below in the winter it was not cold, the clothes were warm enough, and waterproof shoes are great, the apartment is cozy and well equipped.
- in any event the life of those around them they are concerned only one question- "how much is it?» It's not about commercialism. Not about envy even. It's about anxiety — can I afford it? Most often, they perceive the amount as too much for yourself.
- they don't correlate then how much it actually costs them any purchase with their resources. "I'll buy a BMW instead of Renault, because I'm headed to a cafe and people will look at me". And the poor guy pulls struggling this BMW, and the price of the car folds plus and of anxiety, irritation, anger, fear, depleting and undermining the mental resources of such a person.
- to save up for them so hard that it is always hard restrictions that they tolerate with difficulty. Impulsive buyers. It's like a no carb diet when the failure does not eat cake, a whole cake. Hoarded-hoarded hoarded-hoarded, hoarded what I don't know, but suddenly I saw in the window thing. No matter what. Really wanted! very. And lowered immediately all accumulated. Went home, went to the Bank to close the Deposit, all in a sort of stupor, imagining this thing or that thing as if new life began. Really wanted to do a thing, and remove the tension.
Tell always the same story. Their family has been through different times, was very poor and very rich. And always in this family was someone, usually a grandparent that is very reasonable to dispose of the money. They said, "thank you, we have sufficient funds".
This does not mean that the family made a good living. Sometimes the family were hungry and destitute. My husband's family said in a hungry postwar period nursed a sick child, buying on the market the oil and honey. The money is accumulated and postponed.
"Enough" was needed, needed was called decent clothes; to carry the child of the sea: recruit doctors themselves and teachers to a child to save and save for a car and a cooperative apartment.
One of the girls, just having this skill, who knows how to buy property wisely and manage the family budget, genuinely surprised at the answer to the question "what if I want another pair of boots"?
She said, "I always want as much as I can afford it. If this is the last money, if that money is not at boots if those boots off plan — I don't want them. Point.» Boots she enough. She is able to stop in time and can not even start, knowing all about their content.
Dysfunctional family scenario is just one of the factors that you can correct any psychological work. The second factor is the skill of delayed pleasure. And it is possible to train in my adult life.published
Author: Yulia Rubleva