A mismatch on a scale of values — 2 different family scenarios

I once almost fell in love with slacker. My psychologist told me "Julia, sooner or later, it is the attitude to work you will dissolve. He said good luck the time when shirk their work, and to you for such things would be ashamed". She was right.

Similarly, I have, kill, not get true friendship with women, not knowing what to vpahivat seven days a week. This is neither good nor bad, we are just very different.

Our values are what is in the core of the person, abandoning them we cease to be us, and split it on a scale of values makes our alliances are fragile and short-lived. A hit on the scale of values necessary, but insufficient for the formation of any Union, but a mismatch on the scale of values, sooner or later endanger the Union itself.

What are your political views? And your best friend? You religious or not? As your partner in life? Do you think the money is better to save or spend? Children can and need to smack or in any case? You love movement, and your husband? Work is not a wolf in the forest will not run away, and your friends all worked up about? You funny on this joke and your wife it's sick? People can be trusted? They good or bad? The world is dangerous or safe world?

These questions — questions about values. When the reception comes to a married couple, inundated with an avalanche of scandals, quarrels and fights, in the process, sooner or later it becomes clear to what extent they are compatible on a scale of values. The total values of the St. Bernard rescue, sometimes pull a couple from the rubble. Sometimes friendship, tied on a joint task or a joint experience, but not supported by shared values, falling apart, and it turns out that it was a functional Alliance, not friendship.

Values, which often have to deal with in our daily life, eight.This:

Religion Policy Children Money Sense of humor body image Attitude to people Attitude to work.

Let's take a closer look.



You can be Orthodox and he's a Jew, you can be a Muslim and she's an atheist, your friend may be he was Church-going, and you're not, and your Union is not threatened by anything as long as you are both tolerant of each other's choices. You are both believers, fine. Not the believers, great. The house celebrated Easter, Passover, or just celebrate St. Patrick's day — excellent! The problems begin where you observe, and your wife is not, and you are intolerant. Where do you think that religion has no place in your home, and your husband secretly confesses. Where have you celebrated the Baptism, and the Eid ul-Fitr is not even discussed. Where to eat lamb and beef, and your jelly goes into the toilet. Where your family is forced to fast together with you, looking at your pursed in condemning lips. Where your loved ones while you observe the post and then you slip small pieces, with a laugh, offering a little treat.

You can belong to different faiths, to be believers or atheists, it doesn't matter. It is important that you respect the choice of another person, whatever it was. Mutual tolerance to religion, atheism, different denominations of each other, this is a hit on the scale of religion.



In the 2011-2012 year to see me flow were disappointed in each other pair. "It was bellantone, and goes to these fucking meetings and I sit with the kids and the country I love", "He voted for the "United Russia", — how could I choose?" No one got divorced, thank God. Somehow it endured. Crimea 2014 split not so much family, friendship and how much generation, but again — not before the civil war.

Policy is a powerful thing, it throws people stronger and stiffer than religion, as a set of rules different political platforms implies a conflict that is internal to the moral law.

What is good and what is bad, what is and what is not, what you need to be, and how ashamed — that's what matters, without noticing, you answer yourself, when defining your political views. One apolitical and the other joined the party — a couple, friendship or family somehow, but he'll live. One hates power, and the other hates anyone who hates authority, while making an exception for your wife/husband/friend is more difficult.

Here it is remarkable that in our country there is a profound vaccination against manipulation of power. No matter how much we burned and burned, but there's always a bit of igrushechniy in our belonging to a particular party. Those whom we love, we are expensive. I can see it in the families and couples we work with. Worried, silent, but no longer raise acute problems of the Crimea, Putin, Europe and other shared tables. Don't want to fight, quarrel and cry. Always our family was more honest, safer and stronger public choice. Because I want to cuddle and be together regardless.



Good to be poor or be rich? Money is super or is it ashamed? Money does not smell or must have a conscience? Money is a opportunity or a misfortune? I'm training "Money" for several years, and I know that these questions are different families respond differently.

If the couple believes it is better to get into loans, but to live obustroeno right now — no problem. If a couple believes that loans are evil, know how to save money and save — no problem. If a couple spends together having fun, and then considers pennies — no problem.

Problems where faced two different family and tribal scenario. He is intelligent, rational, calm, at first paid the bills, then postponed, and then spent. She spends whole paycheck on new shoes eight pairs. This means that she will always be cut because of greed, but he always felt that his work down the drain, no money, and no.

She works from dawn to dusk and pays the mortgage, it does not work at all (the most common case of the last two years). Her script — the money you need to earn, and easier labor, his money is easy come, easy go and it would be better sat at home and had sex more often. Here the inevitable conflict, for all the mutual love, chemistry, and tolerance.

If at the beginning of love and friendship questions of religion and politics turns out one of their own, and future wives, husbands or friends tell each other in the spirit of "very important information to close", the story about money and children require special attention and abilities to negotiate on the Bank for future couples. Marriage, like a well-oiled chariot is different from a state of "we're Dating" it is an ability to solve complex economic and social challenges.


Also interesting: 8 of TRIAD relationships in the family— pick your

Life cycles of the family


Loans, mortgages, repairs, rent, buy a house or car, the ability to accumulate or invest, priorities of spending, the education of children and adults in the family and waste — all this confronts the pair in full growth, and this is where the split on the scale of values of "money" is the core of future inevitable conflicts. Output — agreement, the compromises and even deals and contracts.published



Author: Yulia Rubleva


Source: www.facebook.com/iskusstvomenyatsa/posts/387874004670338


See also

New and interesting