How to get rid of chronophage - those who devour your time? Bashny.Net

Chronophage – time eater. This is often a person who has no present business and which, not knowing how to kill time, they decide to fill their leisure time, eating your. Stay with chronofile firmly and ruthlessly destroy them." (André Maurois. Letters to a stranger)
I think you've got relatives or friends who like to tell you the same thing, generally of a plaintive or aggressive, hours "hang" on the phone (or rather, your ears, taking your time and effort. But to destroy them, of course, not an option. In addition, there are co-workers, and even worse, bosses who "procrastinate" a production issue for weeks and months, although the decision lies on the surface, you just need to add competency or to use the power". And they love to blame the fact that you're inconsiderate, heartless, do not want to enter into their situation and help them... And now you "eat up" what not swallowed chronophage, plagued with thoughts like "what if I really heartless? What do you do?". And the remnants of your forces and time, i.e. your life is spent on these futile thoughts. That is, you become autopromotion (I should have patented the word!). So, who will destroy? The Council Maurois us is clearly not appropriate. But there are a few algorithms that can help to calm chronophage.

The simple and hard — the algorithm termination of the communication at all. It requires sufficient internal justification and hardness. Forever refusing to waste my life on those relationships that have long been exhausted, you have to show consistency and clarity. It's not your family and friends – "family", and therefore, they do not refuse. This so-called "former". Once you have something in common, perhaps even a close relationship, but already 100500 times said that it was all gone, long gone common interests, and the person continues to complain and demand attention from you. If you decide to stop this communication and clearly stated this, be prepared for "wrath of the vampires." This phenomenon was observed by those who enjoyed the soda machines. Remember? Down 3 pennies, and the water is not flowing, the coin jumps (at best). Down again — and again no water issue. Then turn it by hand (and someone with a fist or foot) – I see the water and hissed-drip. So your vampire chronophage some time will peck you with all available means. But if you can survive and not give the usual "soda", chronophage go look for another source.

There is a fast algorithm for completion of communication by accelerating to the desired minutes. It is suitable for the reduction of guff at work. Here you need to use 3-step model.

1. To praise the interlocutor: "it's Great that you went (I called). You're so great to chat. Especially on such interesting topics." Just do not humiliated to lie – the praise must be sincere. So, it is necessary to be creative, catching in the very first words of the interlocutor more or less interesting topic.
2. Timing — temporary restriction, clearly fixed, "But now I have a little time. Let's quickly solve all the questions in 5 minutes I have to leave (or I have an important call)".
3. To clearly observe the timing, otherwise the next time the reception is just not going to work. To leave or to hang up.

You praised the man warned – voiced conversation, and you did. The interviewee understands that you are a man of your word, and the next time will somehow coordinate their actions with yours. If this is chronophage, he starts to moan: "Oh, please, 3 more minutes"... But you know those "3 minutes" will result in 15 and 30 minutes and the issue is not resolved, moreover, that, most likely, his desire to solve and was not originally. If you give in to those requests, people very quickly realize that you can manage – and it's so sweet! You will again hang the guilt, to make the most of your energy, kill your time.

You need to understand that guilt is only your problem. Perhaps you imposed on him. Perhaps you yourself gave birth to it and live with it for many years. It is the fruit of your consciousness, your internal solutions. You had to hear my mother or grandmother say to the child: "You don't love me, just behave themselves"? And as the kids say to parents: "You don't love me, just don't buy or won't let me it?" And as people start to get sick, to bind close to himself, to draw attention to yourself? You need to understand that the introduction of guilt is manipulation. It can be not out of malice, just out of habit. But as soon as you realize that this is manipulation, this is already possible to work. If a person thinks the other to blame for their problems, it means that he doesn't want to solve them. He doesn't want to take responsibility for their lives. Why people went to extremes? And what he did in order for this problem not exist? Ask him this question. That is, give him back responsibility for his life. The intensity of the feeling of guilt is reduced, and you can answer some properly or offer a constructive solution.

Another "trick" chronophage — it is very convenient sometimes not to understand. Knowing that you are a good professional, they are constantly asked to do something for them "friendly," "not understanding" that's your job, you're wasting your time. You can for example say: "I'm a professional, and professionals are expensive. I can tell you as a friend, make a discount."
Well, of course, the most difficult variant – relatives. Particularly the elderly. Here you need to show maximum love and tact, knowing that people really lack communication and attention. The easiest method when you have found that everything is in order, or at least still — listen to: "Oh, sorry, I have to stove something is boiling". But if you notice that the conversations always being about the same, it is better to throw a new topic. When to tell someone of our mutual friends; once – a new book that you have read and suggest to read also; when you ask an opinion about something of interest to you. Such topics are quite quickly exhausted, and the conversation will be completed in a natural way. And you and your companion each time the fellowship will bring more enjoyment and use. It is difficult to disagree with Exupery: "the greatest luxury on Earth is the luxury of human communication".