Break free from the oppressive burden of the past Bashny.Net

Strained relationship with their parents are not uncommon in our time. By the blessings of elders few tied, and their conviction is not so often fear seriously.

And if in childhood man is dependent on his father and mother almost everything: food, shelter, clothing, psychological atmosphere in the house, money, household items and much more, is growing up, he learns to satisfy increasingly needs itself, and therefore the need for a permanent location near senior blood disappears.

It happens that in children occur problems with the acquisition of independence, and then the tension is inevitable. And it does not matter, the children themselves do not want to be separated from their parents, or the parents are so strongly rooted in its role as the control and overprotection forever trying to protect children from adult life.

Parents say that it is time to live separately, to create a family, get a job and close its own needs - voltage. Parents want to constantly be there counting on financial content / want to give money to life was easier, choose the men and women of their children, do not give freedom, is not allowed to make mistakes - voltage

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The healthy development of any organism implies the possibility to go through all stages of his reserved nature - birth, formation, maturity, fading, dying, only then we can say that the task of implementing its "mission to Earth" performed

. Otherwise, and the body itself, and the environment, feel that "something went wrong". If we talk about a person's life, it can be seen that the most complete implementation and high intrinsic value to the world experienced by those who were allowed to be a child in a child, a teenager in a youth, an adult in a maturity and dignity to age in the waning.

Much, of course, depends not only on the external environment and his "permission", but also from the "organism" - as aware of what is happening, what goals sets itself as formed system of values, how willing to take responsibility for their own development etc.

When the child had to grow up too soon, or an adult trying to still perceive and nurture a child, to achieve satisfactory results are not so easy.

In the context outlined above, the role of the child of his parents is one of those that we are destined to play on the stage of life. And, of course, each of us has the right to decide how much effort, time and attention to it. It seems to me that even in the most adverse life scenarios related to the parent family, it makes sense to focus on its role as a daughter or son, not on how well parents failed as a mother or father.

It happens that a child's period a person falls too much pain, which want to forget as soon as possible and never to forget, and to keep in touch with people who became her cause, even if it's native people, even if they have given man's life, it is not just. And not necessary, in some cases, probably. But to run away from the pain, just breaking relations with the "offenders" are unlikely to succeed. More specifically, many does not work, but maybe you're not one of these "many».

Estrangement from their parents because of their "lack of development", "unintelligent", "inadequate in communion", the lack of common topics of conversation, the lack of common interests well, simply because they "do not fit" in a bright and rich people and events of the life of modern man - the story is not very correct. Whatever they may be, there is a reason for which we were born in their family, there is the fact that they gave us life, there is a child / filial duty, which is good to perform, even if you like to play in freedom and detachment at all levels.

In the end, developed and free people - is the one who knows how to take responsibility and to participate in the "energy exchange", including in the system of children and parents. Call and find out how things work, to talk about the weather, recipes, recommend interesting or funny movie, take a walk in the park and shopping, take part in repairing, family holiday, to give a trip to the sea or to give money to the envelope for all sorts of amenities and household needs. Just pay attention, gratitude for what they once gave us life and took care of our growing up, as best they could.

Reluctance to communicate with their parents because of the horror stories in the past - psychological terror, physical violence, chemical dependency (alcohol, drugs), abandonment, transfer it to the education of someone else - at least understandable. But the rupture of relations will not be able to solve the problem.

Yes, sometimes the removal of the source of destruction is the most appropriate method to start the recovery, but not the only one. In such cases, the biggest problem is that the uniquely "dark" situation is not seen.

More precisely, do something terrible situation, but the psyche of the child (including matured) protected and to call things by their proper names does not want to. "Father, we are not an alcoholic, just his times were difficult, so the drink", "My mother is not cruel, just tired, so hit me up blood," "no, especially at home, no one is humiliated, just used all time to swear and call each other all sorts of unpleasant words. »

Oh, and uh, a lot of that is found in our past, unfortunately. With this you need to understand. No need to play the Saints forgiving individuals do not need to pretend that there is no problem, no need to struggle to be strong and invulnerable, you need to seek help. Psychologists, confessors and other professionals to help you.

If you do not understand, there is much to miss in my life, and in the end of the road to regret that did not have time to learn to love, could not learn to forgive, not to protect and heal itself when required, were not allowed close to those who wanted to love you, understand, maintain, and make happy.

The point is not to re-create the ideal parent family, sometimes you have to grieve about the impossibility to be with a single entity, to communicate, gather for family events and support each other in difficult times.

Another task - you need to get rid of the oppressive burden of the past, or will be very difficult to live. And if the parents are just bored and "nothing to talk about" the great sadness and frustration usually comes at a time when the grown child finds himself in place of the rejected parent.

"I had not realized that she felt my mother and why she herself is so led, and now I do is seen in a different light", "sorry, I did not want to talk, when his parents were alive, and now they know more than I miss them" "before I did not have time for the parents, but now children do not have time for me" - is a very common

. I wish you happiness and awareness in the way!

Author: Dean Richards