Last godum I got the idea to write about women who are "catching up", suffer, or "love too much" of dependent and codependent, about girls from dysfunctional families, of the injured in childhood relationships with close significant others, especially - Pope
After all, without these women are "catching up" men and endlessly searching for an explanation of their behavior, without women, who are willing to "work" on the relationship, even when the man they nearly or quite not involved ... Without these women, "running" the men would cease to run would not cause so much interest and would not have attracted so much attention! Without such women the man may have been a better chance to "mature" and be prepared for a direct, open relationship in which he is involved, rather than playing "cat and mouse", being supported codependent women.
So who is this woman, which "pulls" on his relationship when they are it for various reasons, are not satisfied, and from which man still runs - before or after .....
I suggest you some mosaic of mechanisms and targets, described in the literature and supplemented by some examples from my psychotherapeutic practice and from personal observation.
Whether your needs are satisfied? Or, "a woman who loves too much»
Typically, a woman puts in a relationship more than a partner. And in most cases it does not even notice. In therapy, she says about it most of the session, she continues to spend time and money on it here ... tells about his life, his close people, hobbies, needs ... When asked about their needs could not answer, or her answer sounded vaguely or inadequately situations, for example - to get married (for the guy who is in no hurry to call it even and provide a meeting!)
In a healthy relationship, if your needs are not being met, it is necessary to agree on acceptable conditions for themselves. If you agree to these conditions is not obtained, the relationship should stop - and build them with the man, who will take into account your interests. What if the needs of hard to find? Troubles or a clear sense of dissatisfaction can be an indication that your wishes are ignored. And if the woman will ignore their needs, it will become dependent on men and relationships become co-dependent, morbid, pathological, destructive to her, and perhaps -. And for two
A woman with low self-esteem. Or is he in you is not too much interested
Some time ago in my practice had a client in love with a man from another town. He calls her a very rare, mostly written, and they met and even rarer, always in his hotel room (he had not flown to her - on business trips). In order to please "their" man woman actively mastered Italian cuisine, while at one of the sessions indicated that it is currently preparing nothing but fried eggs - because of this it does not have the time, it works a lot. The history of the client - is a good illustration of a woman with low self-esteem and the position which assigns itself a woman next to her partner
In one of the books devoted to the problem of suffering in relationships women are some obvious signs of low self-esteem dramatically. Such a woman may be in a relationship with a man who not to invite her on a date / not sure he wanted to see her open / can abuse the strong drink or drugs in a way that makes her uncomfortable / do not build her future plans / married to the other or sleeping with other / not sleep with her, and gives her feel desired / or possibly at least one time he did have rejected / throwing and so on ... (updated list of their values or needs that they are ignored! ).
Any woman is worthy of a relationship in which will feel cherished, happy and satisfied. A man who does not do for her actions - just not too interested in it: it is in it, in a relationship, or at all at the moment - it is not so important
It is important that does not work, is not happy. (By the way, the girl who prepared the eggs themselves, considered proof of his feelings she bought on the occasion of her visit to the hotel toothbrush!). A woman with low self-esteem is extremely difficult to realize that 1) the purchase of a toothbrush - it is not an act, 2) a man does not do anything - because he does not want. And the reasons for such a misunderstanding can be many: perhaps a model of such relations and their "normal" girl learned in the parental home; possible scenario of its relations is repeated from time to time, and the realism of something else she did not believe; most likely she was tired of being alone, afraid to remain without a man ... and exactly she appreciates his chosen not by its relation to itself, that is, not by his actions, and according to a set of qualities that she has given him!
Child injuries. Or "Why am I?»
For those who want to get an answer to the question "why am I so" only in the most general form will point to possible mechanisms. The objectives of this article does not include in-depth analysis of child traumatic experiences - work (and fairly long) with a dependent or codependent client of possible and desirable in psychotherapy. The girl, which supports co-dependent relationships could be dependent (drinking) or authoritarian, providing emotional abuse, father.
Needs a girl - in the warmth, care and support and approval - could not be met by parents - and it could be assimilated by it as the norm. Low self-esteem could be formed as a result of much criticism in the family, both by father and mother's side. Father of this girl could have love affairs with other women, except his wife.
And the experience of the girls (even if she did not know about the change for sure, but just felt the suffering of the mother), is a representation of the "normality" of infidelity and strong negative emotions in the relationship. Moreover, on a conscious level - an adult - a woman can deny the acceptability of male infidelity, but subconsciously - to choose the one that is able to deliver, hurt feelings. After all, it will remind her dad.
Happy woman. Or how to build a healthy relationship?
Recognize and show openly their needs, realizing that the desire to build relationships that meet - this is normal
Understand that if the partner does not take into account your interests, and his behavior causes a feeling of dissatisfaction - which means that it is not too much interested in you
Once it becomes clear that the relationship did not add up as you're happy, do not deceive yourself and do not waste time.
If you repeat over and over again the same scenario that you do not like - should go to a therapist and work hard to make a choice of the partner was dictated not by childhood traumas, not unconscious mental mechanisms, and aware of the needs
Author: Muse Konin