My son was about 3 years old. For almost half a year as it is overtaken by the "great and terrible" age crisis, the next stage of separation. "No, I do not want to, I will not, do it myself, do not help, help, go out, you can not give me" - all parents at one time or another has heard hear something like that more than once
Honestly, I'm ready for it - read the article educators understand the intricacies of attachment theory, arranging on the shelves stages of psychological development of children, and seem to be well understood, what I have to deal with, when his son pass for 2, 5 years, what problems we face stand and how this should be handled in practice.
In fact - I was waiting for a small dip. My toddler tantrum. He can not take away someone else's toy home. The book broke. I do not give a cookie before dinner. I go to work and forget to buy on the way back to orange, which is promised. Tap water is poured in the wrong direction.
The ball does not fit into a small box. Flowers can not break. You can not lean out of the window. But plastic is not the magnet. In general, you understand. At a certain period to cause the child's resentment, sadness, resentment, anger and uncontrolled rage can flash almost everything from the physical world to the device parental prohibitions.
Yes, often I do "as expected" - falls close on his heels, hug (if given in the hand), I blurt out whatever he feels, and I am close as long as necessary, until the tears will not do the trick, and the son, cheerful and fun of the former, will not run on.
But I, as they say, live. It's hard to admit, but sometimes I raise my voice. And cry. And rarely, but still I say unfair words, ceasing to occupy in relation to the child the adult position. And I can briefly come out of contact, ignore the request to keep quiet.
In short, my son is wrong, how can it be wrong trёhletka. And I am wrong as wrong can be an adult. In difficult moments for us most of all I want to apologize son. Like, I provoked a me who? Is he. But who of us to apologize first? To me. While the son did not learn the same.
For myself, I have identified three reasons that should apologize to the child, without waiting until he does it first:
1. Key in the relationship with the child -. We
We, the parents, at the helm and are responsible for the restoration of communication in the event of a temporary loss of contact. If the son brought me out of myself, and I shouted back, I will not wait until he apologize for what brought me out of myself. I'll go and apologize for having shouted. Thus, I give him to understand that our relationship is stronger argument, and I'm ready to talk about everything.
2. Do not be afraid that apologizing, we show weakness and lose credibility in the eyes of a child.
On the contrary, we will show by example that ask for forgiveness, when you're wrong - is permissible and is not so scary. At first I was afraid to talk to his three-year plan, "I was wrong, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Forgive me". But this is easier than it seems, and this is our strength.
3. The other day I could not resist, and raised her voice, and my son said, "Mom, I forgive you for what you have to shout at me."
He gave me to understand that he is willing to accept an apology, internally already forgiven. These tiny steps - the third reason why I do not leave her son with no regrets for his actions or words. I am sure that his next step would be something like, "Mom, please forgive me, I poked you with a stick in the eye." Yes, it was the case last week.
It's not about what you need to apologize to a child for every breath, inadvertently spoken word, for every flash of irritation and even more so - it is not necessary to ask for forgiveness for what we do as parents and set certain limits. No. It's about being the best of the ability to recognize their mistake even before the little child. It is for the future, which is at a good scenario would lead to the fact that the grown up child will be able to ask for forgiveness himself. And not just me.
Author: Maria Rozhkova