Our character is not ours, but our shadow .... Bashny.Net

The nature of man - is an artificial superstructure

. If your character and your life do you like and you are absolutely effective in it, the more you can not read the article. This article is written for those who have a desire to improve the event and the quality of their lives. Those who are suspicious of the complexity of its nature and the sense that he does not live itself is absolutely free, and sharpens or stalled, or passes in front of some situations of his life.

How and why the character there?

The nature of man - an artificial superstructure formed on a realistic basis, our temperament. Temperament stems from our biological internal rates of tempo-rhythms. Character is formed as an adaptive form of psychic and often is a kind of stripped-down, not much complete, our version of itself, and sometimes the result of natural tendencies polavleniya parents and caregivers. Character - a sort of presentation demo version of the ego-personality, by which is not a fact that will be what we were shown in the presentation

. Adapt was a child to social expectations of their parents, to receive approval and acceptance of the "large adults", on which it depends for its well-being and survival. Since the child has serious reasons to produce a favorable behavior and expectations of significant adults.




Examples of life:

1. In one family the father could assume that his son "squeal on the head" opponent when he has taken in the sandbox shovel is good - like a real man is. But at the cry of their baby and complaints, the same father could do severe grimace of disgust - showing everyone their views his offspring, saying that so do not make

. 2. The other parent may profess in his family tolerance and altruism. And if the child will show aggression, protecting its borders and values, the intelligent parent, it is very likely to be a long, long time tricky words to tell a cold tone, will drive the kid to feelings of shame and guilt, the idea - saying that angry, let alone make sharp movement toward the brothers in mind, a good man not impossible.

In both examples, which are not supported by relatives of the child in his sincere honest response to what is happening, to complete the scene, we have the sad, rejection, sad melenko person. Now he ponders how now to live on and be accepted by loved ones and by now is becoming less free in its manifestations.

So there is a split of the whole person and builds character - set of allowed patterns of response to the external environment

. Kid making actions of his inner truth, shed into the world of their real emotions, experiences of rejection got a parent who scared him more than the selected blade. And now he would think (to the delight of the older generation before acting), but unfortunately, it will not be something creative Thinking that reveals his talents as an obsessive internal dialogue in which it before every action is "clear customs" in his head before choosing a strategy of behavior.

Such intsindentov disapproval of his life will be a lot, and large and small occasions, sometimes they will translate into bright moralizing scenes, and sometimes just to cause a grimace, grin or cold face significant adult, but all of these cases will carry the message - you that something is wrong, put it hide behavior, that is, "not to be yourself - become those whom I expect to see in your place," In the future, the message transmitted by inheritance, becomes the basis of all the problems in adult relationships
All this - the basis of a great existential longing of man for himself now.

Since the first such incident of a child leaves the ease and enthusiasm - the qualities that make people "glowing". The more a person's life was such scenes, the dimmer it will be an adult.

How is it fading occurs?

Have tormented upbringing in human childhood, there is a constant haunting inner dialogue, which should not be in the normal state.

Mental activity, we need only to have to make decisions and draw conclusions, all the rest of the life - a man must do activities and experience feelings. To operate continuously in a person must be the fact that below the neck - is a guarantee of its absolute health, both physical and mental, and the head, ideally, increasing the time of day must be empty. The more time a person spends his life his attention in his head "in customs," trying to control all the consequences of their behavior - the more his body tense and ill
. The more he has an empty head, the relaxed his body. In an empty head and coming creative and brilliant ideas. They - these ideas are fertilized feelings and lead to decisions and actions. Actions bring results, which can be inferred, and the cycle repeats. But it does not sound like an obsessive internal dialogue.

What do those who have this internal dialogue, nevertheless, intrusive?

Explore the darker sides of his personality, to get them out of themselves and learning to live in action - restoring its integrity, the same one that has been lost in the process of adapting to the expectations of others

. Restoring its integrity and taking the darker sides of his personality, we are regaining your personal power and glow. It is only such a person is truly free and live at full power, without regard trust to themselves, their feelings, and therefore capable of empathy (feeling other emotions), no idea that it is dangerous.
Only such a person is able to take its "negative" side, the aggressive impulses and sadness and can carry them comfortably, deeply and boldly living them to the bottom, to exhaust itself in them and transform the aesthetics and beauty of creative solutions.

And then everything becomes a joy fullness of life: pain and sadness, and anger make sense and are not afraid of no confidence in any other. These, denied in society feeling now is no longer destructive, since it does not accumulate like a snowball that threatens to break an avalanche, and now they are expressed honestly and in a timely manner, clearing people from the illusion that the world should always be comfortable and goals of other people must be the same with his plans.

That empathy - the ability to experience feelings of another resonance as their own - most distinguishes man from other animals, but it is not possible when there is no empathy to yourself - to your any / different feelings

. When there is no empathy - respect for the feelings of another person cover their own disturbing projections of childhood and he carries his childhood fears onto others. So the man, trying to take care, imposes its other grafted from childhood pseudo-successful strategy of behavior and grieved when now here he is in his sincere attempt to "help" meets rejection - circle. So neurosis and depression fueled by situations of misunderstanding and thrive in our society.

After all, if we return our attention to the examples - you can see that our understanding of the "favorable", "right", "good" behavior can not be just different and antithetical

. In our world, children often suffer from an excess of care and lack of attention.

Mindfulness involves primarily fearlessness. Care without the courage, in the light of the background of anxiety, lose much in his capacity as the depth, even blindness to the situation.

After all, if we are afraid, we probably want to take care of, to remove the situation that causes us to this uncomfortable feeling - so the actions out of fear to be hasty / sharp, without taking into account all the causes of the situation. In these caring actions a lot of aggression, "justified" as a man thinks, but still aggression. The fearless care, on the contrary - there is tenderness, it needs to slow down, it is almost impossible for human anxiety / parent / leader / supervisor

. Cease to fear / worry people will be able, when dare to face his shadow part of the personality. Turning around and looking in the face of their basic fears - namely those from whom the whole previous life, he tried to get away as quickly as possible, it will be able to finally get a chance to be free from harassment. And that is especially valuable - pick up and usurp their power from their own own fears. And we all know that fear - it is a very strong feeling. Fear - it is the stray wild force that hangs around waiting for the person and that he tame it

. In rejects the same form as it is - The Power of Fear - is perceived by the usual "normal" person as hostile, and therefore the world, too, which roams the force is perceived as hostile, so relax once you have to be in constant combat readiness, as in the war to control "to something or something does not happen" - this massive backdrop of disturbing and fearful of people, a breeding ground for deployment of wars and interstate conflicts by political adventurers and other smaller manipulators and family tyrants

. Change the situation may be, it is through the establishment of order in his inner world, no longer run away from their fears, turning to face them recognize - "on it, too, I" and so give their "wild" shadow side due place and functional use
<. br> What is a shadow of the person and how to define it?

Define it is not difficult. It is difficult to install as part of his nature.
Tips on finding your shadow side, we are all the people who are not comfortable to us: do not like, annoying, "vybeshivaet" angered, causing hatred
. They are those people Light for us - agree to it we will not be indifferent? It is so? Hatred, anger, anger - a bright feeling, not like indifference

. So, these people are not indifferent to us - a great find for us on the path of self-development. If you have managed to learn how to avoid them masterfully - congratulations - you avoid its development (or you holy and do not read this article)

To create a portrait of their shadows, do this only if you really want to get results, do it slowly and in stages, (remember that haste in the conclusions, such as the meaning and purpose of this exercise may just be a sign of increased anxiety and aggression) < br>
1. Write a list of the column 3-7 imenlyudey that cause you irritation.
2. Opposite each recorded in the other column, write a quality that this man makes you feel rejection.
3. Read the second as a column as if you see it for the first time.
4. Suppose that's what you have.

Yes, hello my shadow! Oh, what turns me inside out!

Let me remind you that look at your shadow - considered the most difficult test for the hero in mythology and fairy tales - and this is very significant. There - in the shadow qualities rammed fear manifest them - many charges, a lot of personal power that is locked in the shadow of our forms and because we are so indifferent to the people from the first list - they blatantly used by what we can not, recalling his behavior, that is, completely opposite strategy of life, which the universe endures, and the earth is - as if not knowing "it is wrong»

. This exercise is far from healing, it's only entry point to the study of the question. We can say drawing the silhouette of his shadow.

Our Shadow, now examples:

Having found the quality of their shadow side of the personality - his shadow, well give it a name - to pack in some Indian name of two parts

. For example polite humble man may discover that his shadow - a shamelessly insolent or any wild barbarian, or Flirtatious Minx. All controls and hyper-rationalist caring, can detect that its shadow - it is something like a philosopher or Romance Full-nihilists. Smart could see the shadow of his fool, and so on.

What is the essence of this experiment with you - that if I look at myself as a prism through seemingly unbearable for me qualities - I'm looking for a way how this can live. That is, I was born in a different family, a different fate and principles, I could adjust and see the effect in the opposite strategy and calmly allow ourselves to them. How, for example, natives of some savage tribe are completely natural scalp neighboring natives, and even boasts a number of trophies.

What is the purpose of contact with the Shadow.

In life, integrated with their human shadow side, no longer anything to annoy, people now "do not interfere with him to live." He is free to express different and the situations he considered intolerable now cause him emotion or it becomes easy for them to influence and change the way desirable for themselves. Internal dialogue noticeably releases man on any qualities arises a relaxed position - "I can dig, I can not dig," without having to painfully long deliberation. The fear now for the whole man, not a cause for concern, and the reason for the study of their limitations. Fear - becomes an ally. And all previously denied feelings and strategies - the Tools, Tami missing complementary colors in the palette

. But oddly enough you it may seem - the person does not become "bad", having stayed in his shadow, but it becomes bigger, quieter and wiser and easier. He begins to be more than interesting - more love life, and his goodness can now take many forms

. What is the complexity of integrating the shadow side of the personality?

It is one thing to define their shadow, "catch" her attention, as the image is quite another to install it in the quality of his personality. Set and work it can be only through new things. If you want to get a new result - start doing new activities, silly wait for other results, doing what you used to do. Here, in this and all the main difficulty living their shadows.

Typically, a person should start making incredible efforts, not just something new, but just the opposite - that is, he will say "I do not tend to" or "it's not mine»

. For example the first to start a conversation, it is very difficult to someone who is a slave for life: modest girl - flirt, "botanist" telling vulgar jokes in the roles and make fun of others. Shadow - is the opposite of our ego-personality. And it was full alertness and awareness of their reactions, can help to hold out in the image of his shadow.

Doing experiments to integrate their shadows, remaining in their familiar surroundings it is not recommended - because you run a high risk to destroy the familiar world, formed on the basis of your old strategies. And you run the risk of losing those who was attracted to your old and quality strategy. Even for sure you will encounter misunderstanding and condemnation, attempts to influence you to return to your former for their own convenience, even if not bold and at times, lost and miserable -. But this native

But the number of people who do not know - the perfect, just perfect for these rehearsals. It's clean, not biased, a micro-society of the same hunters for their fears and complexes. Circle interested in clarifying their inner truth about themselves authentic. It - in a completely secure environment, since all have one goal - to explore the fact that it is difficult to show, and each may at any time terminate their "laboratory experiment" and leave the game without a loss. In such circumstances, a person can afford it, that whole life forbidden.

For qualitative immersion in his shadow, you need some time to live in their polarity. Try on your taste, in new roles with full immersion through speech, style, image, gesture, becoming a member of Mystery - a multi-day artistic action

. Mystery - this is a special rehearsal area of ​​archetypes and the roles that enhance the quality of living of its new meanings, through the interaction and reinforcing communication between the actions of the participants. It - visiting the nine laboratory that conducted the retreat center at the height of the mountains

. For our individual study and living their shadows, there is a game, but the subconscious is serious, so the effect of playing with his shadow changes a person permanently - accelerating and scaling of his life, giving him the conditions for self-discovery of a number of well-known "wisdom" in insights mode, that is, the phenomenon of indispensable Mysteries.

If you want to experiment with their images and the new strategies of behavior - choose to do so in travel and surrounded by people who you do not know, but have brought in to stay in a new role for many days, without "the support of the hall," you will be required очень сильная внимательность, и хотя бы один заинтересованный в чистоте вашего эксперимента, компетентный друг, способный дать вам непредвзятую обратную связь.

Помните, что если вам от рождения не выпало получить высокий старт через идеальное детство, то яркая харизма и уверенность зарабатываются копотливой и тщательной работой над собой и тренировкой осознанности.

Автор: Наталья Валицкая