Renowned psychotherapist Litvak Mikhail revealed the secret of where to look for her husband, why it can not be arranged under and dangerous than a man who can not live without you
Marriage statistics in recent years looks like a social disaster: the divorce rate is almost equal to the number of marriages. On belief of psychologists, it is mainly because many people marry for a variety of ridiculous reasons, but one of the true - to build a family. Well-known psychotherapist and author of numerous books Mikhail Litvak told that someone will be able to create a happy family, and someone will have to replenish the divorce statistics.
Reference: Litvak Mikhail Yefimovich (born in 1938 in Rostov-on-Don) - a psychologist and psychotherapist with 40 years of experience, PhD, author of books on practical and popular psychology. The most famous: "Psychological Aikido", "The principle of the sperm", "If you want to be happy", "How do I find and change their destiny»
In one interview you said that happy families are no ...
There is. But not enough. I myself have studied the family. On the 11 th. Family found 3 happy. But most importantly - only happy families - normal. The rest - it's pathology, the cohabitation of two unhappy people
This is a Russian peculiarity?
Why? In varying degrees, the pathology is everywhere.
Why are so many divorces? People make mistakes in the choice of spouse?
This is because people are poorly educated. They are not taught to think, not to learn to choose a husband or wife. We conducted a survey - which of the declarations of love like it more. We were offered such options, "I can not live without you", "I'll never hurt you," "Come join the drudge of life." So, 75% of women chose the explanation, "I can not live without you." I did not hear that this explanation is typical for a man-child, or an alcoholic? But a true declaration of love "Come together drudge life" nobody liked.
What is the general - love
This is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. That's all they say: no one to love. Do you know how to love? Our marriage is essentially a sucker case "without you I can not live»
And what happens to love over time, where does it go?
Over time the love is getting stronger and stronger ... And if it was not originally, it becomes worse and worse.
What is the difference in the perception of the marriage of a man and a woman?
Men and women see marriage equally. But where do you see men and women have you ever seen? We have bryukonositeli and yubkonositelnitsy. So, first you need to be either a man or a woman, and then build a family. In creating a family is entitled only to physical health, spiritual development and material held people. Do not do business with the poor by non-professionals.
If the relationship began with ..... what kind of future awaits them?
... It should happen then. And there has to be a common worldview. Love - not when they look at each other, but when they look in the same direction. Canadian researchers have identified four factors that make a strong family. The first - a common worldview. The second - the general gastronomic tastes. It was only in third place ... On the fourth - the desire to stroke each other. And when the family created by ... - nothing good about it
Men often compare themselves with males, and argue that infidelity required ...
Cheating arise from the fact that people make a mistake in selecting the satellite. If you made a mistake and married (married) on the wrong (not the fact), of course, that starts to like someone else.
What women do not change?
Physical health, spiritual development and self-sufficiency. Our women have three disorders: pedophilia, bestiality, masochism. First, they take a man not as a husband, and education. Second, live with alcoholics. And what is an alcoholic? This animal. And thirdly - suffer from masochism: like being bullied over them
If a woman is physically healthy, financially independent, but no longer young? Less if she has prospects?
She has more prospects! This is a woman in the juice. She has already taken place. She did not need a side dish, it needs a steak. 45-50-year-old woman ... will handicap the young.
As initially meeting conduct reconnaissance and identify "your" is a person or not?
In communication by gestures, the manner of dress. Socrates said: "Tell me something, I want to see you." Already after a few phrases you can determine who is in front of you and see if you match up in outlook.
Should coincide with partners and the constitution?
Well, of course. If a man is needed ... for 50 minutes 3 times a day, and women 3 minutes 1 time per month - they did not get
If there is any discrepancy, whether woman or man to adjust to re-try it?
No. We must take the finished product, rather than semi-finished product. Marry should mature people. A re only one person - himself. Wrong - so it is necessary to disperse. And look for another.
Where better to look for?
Only at work. When we observe a person at work - see how it took place. Here we are now with you work together, you can make me an opinion ... And in the evenings or meetings in nightclubs - a collection of liars
Are women's needs have changed in recent years?
It has not changed in the last hundred thousand years.
And what about the fact that now the girls want to get married just for the status of men?
And rightly so. Then ripen. But you have to be and the most status. In our country, unfortunately, most women prostitutes latent psychology: to find a rich man to feed. And for that they plan to keep house, and given to the bed. Things should be called by their proper names: is prostitution. However, many men now, and who can be called latent Alfonso, who are looking for rich women, and do not want to develop.
But there is a theory that women should only inspire a man to create comfortable conditions for him, staying in his shadow ...
You are confusing a man with bryukonositelem. A man does not need to be inspired. He is inspired by his work and its results. You can not live for a woman or for men.
And for the kids?
Moreover, it is impossible ... Children - it is something ephemeral. Children, whatever the good or bad, it is still 18-20 years away you go. A man and a woman closer to each other, and the children - it is something temporary. A by-product of our love.
As a result of divorce, women are left with this "product of love", and men say they do not want to take the married woman with a child ...
For men (and not bryukonositelya) child from his first marriage is not a problem. Why? Because he is ready to do everything for the child, as long as the favorite was near. But when the woman believes that a child - the most important thing in life, it will never be happy in marriage
It is believed that the institution of marriage dies, the future of the alternative types of cohabitation. How do you treat a guest form?
Guest marriage is not so bad. Sometimes, people live a civil marriage - is normal. And just registered - are living badly
What is the reason for these changes?
The fact that people want to be free. Formal marriage of his fetters. Printing in the passport does not change anything for the intelligent man. A fool for change.