At the same time that we become parents, in the same time, we like to roll back in their own childhood. And again and are living happy and sad events of the past. We see in their behavior that borrowed from their mothers, and they - often on their own. And sometimes we do not like. We are somewhat behave with their children very differently, secretly wishing that and our childhood was like that. Sometimes we even envy his own children.
Children help our healing, they like conductors in the world of the heart for their parents. But healing is always painful. How much you need to learn and how to get the dirt out of your heart! Therefore, the birth of a child comes to us and the crisis. The crisis of the new residence of child injuries.
Children intensify our sore spots
We live with the heart, rewind plaster. Instead of treating their wounds, to seal them and we pretend that everything is normal. But of course, nothing good happens. Under the bandage becomes inflamed, and we become more mentally ill. If we had somebody betrayed, instead of to learn forgiveness, we are trying to forget. And everywhere we see deception and betrayal.
Remembering every wrongs done to us parents, we cherish them, we pull out and show off to each other. And it would be possible to forgive and move on, to live quite differently. But it's not interesting, and much more difficult!
When a child is born, we have less and less strength for what would have to pretend it is impossible to have to endure the constant pain in his heart. In addition, the baby all the time tries to touch it to this place, come to our pet peeve. When he enters the most difficult for us to age, which means that this is the age when we, in our childhood was not easy.
Someone very difficult with babies. Most likely, during this period you happen to something heavy. Maybe you by Spock laid sleep alone in a room? Or fed every three hours? Or my mother had already left for work?
Someone with a difficult year-old. For example, somewhere from one to two years for me personally a very difficult age - too hard they are to me. Because this time I went to the nursery, and for me, too much has changed.
Someone very difficult with three year olds who are so desperately fighting for their rights. Maybe you just did not have such rights? To some it is difficult to go through a period of narcissism of the child, when he needed so much attention and admiration. Someone is difficult to respond to the billions of questions, maybe because they are at this age just gagged. And so on.
The child - this is a great indicator of our mental health and our maturity. You can track and that the age at which you are stuck. When you suddenly start to think that more than anything you can not give your child and what to do with it - do not understand. It can happen suddenly, seven, ten, fifteen years. It's just a bell above - Pay attention to your taped wound plaster! Their time to heal! It's time to tear the bandages, face it and treat it. Disinfect, clean, and sometimes even sew a specialist. And yet - to give time to heal
If not for the children, we could still have a long swim in the illusion that it is absolutely healthy, that everything is fine, we have good and enlightened. And these little men take on the difficult task of opening our eyes to the truth.
Children come to the parents. Not the other way around.
When we realize that we have a problem in the relationship with our parents, we are very difficult to do something about it. Because we expect that parents will change. What they will do us a step forward. What do we tell them how badly they treated us, and they give us is compensated. And this is not happening.
Many girls cry and say forgive my mother, forgive, and then go to her house, and she - the old. And with it go on living? Many of the girls and say that my mother made me hurt so much, and therefore must take the first step.
But there is a law that works in this world perfectly. Children always come to the parents, not vice versa. If you want healing in the relationship with them is you have to come to them. Remove your arrogance and pride, its not real maturity, to take a small child's position in relation to them. Next to them, you will always be younger. Always will be little for them. And if you want harmony, then take your place and stop butting them.
Yes, they are imperfect, they share the ideals you also optionally be heard all over too. But respect - should learn. Being small next to them - it means taking care of them in the form in which they give it to you. Converting inside them "put on your hat" and "eat another bite" - in the "I love you." Because it is such a meaning, and embedded. They have no purpose to prove to you that none of you that you are too young. They want to express their love, as best they can.
They and so easy. They're seeing their mistakes, even if you do not recognize them. And they love you as they can. They can not make you a first step, because in this case they abut the wall. As long as you do not open up to meet them and come to them, they just have to wait. And they are waiting for many years.
What it still remains! Yes, they do not know how to love as you would like. Yes, they are not perfect parents and have done for you is far not the best they could (as you think). Yes, they could do something with them and begin to behave the way you want. But all this separates you from each other.
Once we have nowhere to go with their difficulties and sorrows. Do not remain in the world, those who love us all our lives, and wish us well. That as it may be, but it has always been with us. Needless to lose time in vain?
When our children grow up, we also find ourselves in this place. The location of those who can only wait for the child to come to him again. If he wants to come. If come.
We teach our children by example in all things. And they learn to respect their elders, looking at us. On the way we communicate with their parents. How do we respect them. So they will apply to us. No script, just learning through images.
Mistakes and crises are inevitable
Look at your child. Do you want to torment and trauma for him? Do you want to cause him pain and discomfort? Do you want to ruin his life? None of the parents do not want it.
No one taught us to be parents. And our parents too, this one is not taught. Therefore, we raise the children as best we can, as far as our internal resources and efforts. As far as allowing our hearts right now.
And in any case we make a mistake, stumble, fall down. In any case, there will be situations that hurt our children. We will not be able to avoid it. How we could not and our parents who just want to have the best. And you may have used the wrong methods, and not the word for it. In any case, we do something wrong. Each child will be with you go then to a psychologist. Even the fact that the mother is too perfect and infallible, as an ideal to which not reach.
So relax and exhale. Start by restoring relations with parents. In your heart. First is to cure all that is within you. Sometimes, for that you need some time to be at a distance from each other. To strengthen the love and acceptance. Sometimes even after your external relations will not change. And it would seem that there is no change, my mother was still grumbling and merges your negative emotions, criticizes you and laughing at you, Dad just indifferent. But do not be deceived. If your heart is really time to grow to love and acceptance, it will no longer hurt you. And even such features will not affect your inner respect for parents and appreciation.
And when the heart does have such an attitude, the external relations and change slowly. Not as fast as you want, and not necessarily in the direction that you like right now. Love, which is in your heart, can be, without waiting for specific actions and deeds. But for this it should be able to grow and get stronger.
Our children are coming to us to help us find our weak points, our hidden wounds of the eye. What hurts us over the years, it can be healed. Not as fast as you want, it is not so easy. But - reliably and efficiently. Are you ready to go to where the hurt on the trail indicated by your small child? In your own distant childhood? Are you ready to go out there and be healed? If so, you should not put off until tomorrow what you can start right now.
Children bring us to ourselves
You can not build a relationship with people when you do not know who you did not know himself. It is impossible and build a relationship with them, as long as you do not pause and silence, yet much fanfare and important things in your life. Having a baby gives us the chance to take a break and listen to ourselves. If we are, of course, we use it. And then you can give birth and continue its run it is not clear where and why.
Being finally home, having enough free time (and whatever is said in my mother's maternity leave time to think, reflect and listen to - a lot), we can open a new and unknown as
Many mothers find it in the decree the trick. It comes by itself, through creativity, hobby, as an outlet. And it reveals new facets of the personality of women. As if it were sitting somewhere in there, waiting, until he noticed and heard. But to be a photographer or an artist - it's so strange, is much clearer and more prestigious - to be a lawyer or an accountant. The child helps us to stop running from ourselves. And maybe that's why in many decree so hard - because you physically can not get away, and you somehow have to meet itself. A meeting of these is not always pleasant and cheerful.
Although that can be happier and more interesting than get to know and learn deeply loved one? Or do you have someone closer than you yourself? How much do we know about yourself, you know a lot or live in stereotypes? A lot of women ask me about finding his vocation. And for me it sounds deeper. This is not just "whom I work," this question is actually about, "and who do I have?", "But what I really am?».
Here, as with the parents, we have to go for the pain to go in depth when it is very scary. Who knows what I'll find there. Go, and do not stand and wait, all will come by itself. To try, make mistakes, look, listen to your heart. Difficult path. But the birth of a child - and we opens the door too
Children bring us to God
I know a story that struck me one day, it was even before I myself thought seriously about God. A newborn girl cried for days. During the year, it could not calm with nothing. Mom was exhausted, drained. And because she had other children. And one day by pure chance with the year-old daughter, who even in the street screaming incessantly, she went to the Baptist church. I do not know why exactly. Accidentally. According to the words of my mother, the Orthodox were a lot of times. And then accidentally entered. And the miracle happened. The girl paused. And silent for hours.
At first my mother thought it was a coincidence. But then she realized that her only chance to stay in peace and silence - is to go with my daughter to the temple all day. So the whole family became Baptists (and before that had been faithful only formally). Girl really interesting. Singing in a choir, learning in Sunday school, very vulnerable and shy.
Children are now coming unusual. And many of them one way or another lead parents to believe. If it were not features of our eldest son, for us this question would be so important at a young age I did not get up. Certainly would be postponed until later.
Many people come to faith because otherwise could not cope with the feelings. So many dangers in this world of temptations, with which you do not know what to do. And we can only pray. And yes, this is the best way to stay any crisis.
Yes, the way to God-too is not the easiest and most enjoyable. We have to learn about yourself a lot again. And about his pride, and his greed and envy, and a lot more about. Again, we have to go to the pain. Again, our children show us the way. Puts, how much they give us their appearance! How many aggravating, and it is not easy to stand in all of this and to find your way and themselves!
Children - this is a great gift of God. Excellent for many reasons. Because it is a continuous training of personal and spiritual growth, the ability to heal his old wounds and find in this life their way, to find God, the meaning of life.
Yes, it's not easy. Especially for the first time all tour novelty. Especially if at the time of its inception, we have already gone too far and from myself, and from God, and from his parents. But it's worth it. Believe me.
Every child you again and again will pass this way, each time easier and at the same time deeper. You will become a completely different person, if you will all of this happen to you. The difficult transformation mother. But how many treasures you will find inside!