Who we choose his favorite and why

In life we ​​meet a lot of completely different and dissimilar people, but someone leaves us indifferent, and someone we will crush. Family psychologist Irina Chesova tried to look into the matter, and we Website largely agree with it.

The same way. h3> Sometimes it's hard to say why this person is interesting, why are we drawn to it. After all, in our choice of a lot of instinctive, unconscious. Each of us somewhere deep inside the stored images of the people involved in our growing up. This way, parents and other relatives left their mark in our destiny.

They often mix reality and children's fantasy, but these images we associate with love - such as we understood it, and what to give (or receive) a child. And if you meet a person elusive "misses "in this way, awakening dormant memories of the first significant respects, we can not pass and remain indifferent. We are intrigued, worked up and very soon - in love.

The wounds of childhood. h3> In psychology, there is an opinion that we have chosen a partner - is the "improved parent." That is, it is something very similar to our parents (and, therefore, we know how to interact with it), but something quite different, and not a short, it is even better than them.

If a child in a relationship with Mom and Dad us something much is not enough, the deficit we will seek (still unconsciously) to fill in the union with the beloved. And so companions of life we ​​often choose someone who, we believe, will help heal the wounds of childhood, to realize the psychological needs, expectations, hopes and dreams, and find all the things we were once deprived of love, protection, recognition, admiration, and perhaps even independence, its own significance and perfection.

It is very interesting that we feel in his chosen home, in many ways similar to our soul and at the same time he seems to be complements, "completes" us, because it has qualities which we ourselves are not well developed or not developed at all. And we, in turn, "being finished" him: he is persistent and determined, and we lack the hardness, it is reasonable, and we are more impulsive, he is reticent, and we have a lot of spontaneity, he's tough, but we are flexible.

I can not remember where I read almost brilliant "People joined as a puzzle: where one bulge at the other - vpuklosti».

Other people by nature complement each other? By this logic, if I limp on the right foot, and you are on the left, then together we will be able to quickly walk and even run. On the contrary, the history of a plurality of marriages shows that harmonious relations in the pair does not contribute to the difference, namely the similarities partners. And highlighted three main qualities on which partners are well would be the same.

First - heat or cold in terms of temperament. If the man is hot, then its ideal partner should be hot, but not vice versa. If it is cold, then it is better to be Snow Queen.

The second - degree of openness. The two even very closed person understand each other much better than the very private and very open.

And the third - the extent to which partners jealous. Jealous well find a common language. Their relationship can be arbitrarily stormy, but they are durable and lasting often than relationships and nerevnivy jealous person.

The union of two people nerevnivy also has more prospects than the "mixed" options. But studies that would objectively confirmed that different people in a pair complement each other, I have not seen.

Vadim Petrovsky, a psychologist, a transactional analyst.

blockquote> This is like a theater play that we opt for those who are able to play in our performance, with whom we feel a resonance who know the text of his role, complementing our own. But, as in the theater, this is not always life performance - lyrical comedy with a happy ending. Sometimes it's romance, and sometimes tragedy. It all depends on the script, which we with her partner and write together.

Opening each other. h3> The relationship of two people - a living organism that develops and sometimes sick. May recover or may die prematurely. At the beginning of the relationship, being in a frenzy of feelings, we do not see flaws in a partner. For us, it is beautiful. In fact, we fall in love with the one who does not know. When the veil falls, in front of us is a living person, not too similar to us, with their weaknesses and shortcomings.

And here there are two ways: to disperse in disappointment and go in search of a new ideal. Or learn to negotiate, to respect differences, to accept the imperfections of one another and to recognize the right of everyone to the nonideal. It is important not to alter his chosen not to lose sight of its strengths on which we can rely for a living and that we once drew it.

There is nothing more precious than to see the good qualities of a partner, which we are deprived. On this basis it is possible to build a Union in which people support each other. And collected in the treasury of living together does not hurt and claims, and ways to cope with difficulties, fond memories, moments of intimacy, joy and love.

The secret to a successful, prosperous Union - communication, comfortable and secure communication (without depreciation, manipulation and arrivals), a mutual desire to negotiate, the willingness to talk about the patient and conflict, not gloss over problems, the ability to withstand the negative feelings (their and others), the ability to ask for and receive support and abandon what does not suit you, and to respect the right of others to the same.



Author: © Irina Chesova
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