Gestalt Oleshko. "It comes to me not a man, and the whole world"
Anatoly Golubovskii h6>
Hello again. Quite recently, we talked with Sasha about his views on business and in the process of communication have come to the conclusion that there are not discussed in detail its subsistence as a Gestalt therapist. And as with Oleshko-actor and business Oleshko we have already communicated, the turn came to hear the voice Oleshko therapist.
-Tell me, at what point in your bright thought came to go in Gestalt therapy?
-I Was then gendirom advertising agency. And here I sit once behind a computer at work and think, "What would do? Money seems to start earning parents provided, the apartment is. In general, it laid the foundation of the pyramid of Maslow. We need to develop. Or not? It seems to want to. " He remembered that as a child was always interested in psychology. On a shelf it was always full of books on hypnosis, psychology, esoterica. Everything that concerns the psyche, energy and intelligence. At that time, I knew that this taught in the university Dragomanova, and that there is a similar option in Shevchenko, had no idea. I decided - and I will go on to teach part-time. It should be fun. There are a lot of girls probably cool, still ped university ... Then he began to talk about it all in a row, as the usually do when something out. And John, an employee advised move in Gestalt therapists. Accompany the comment as his ex-girlfriend dissected through Gestalt training.
I once heard the word "gestalt", do not remember, then, about the third time, has recorded. He began to look at the sites and did not understand - what is it, why and where.
Psychoanalyst - yes, that is clear and cool. Ever since childhood memories in the film - man sitting, talking to himself and talked. And I had a friend, Victor, a former director of the housing department, who gave up and went to the housing office in Gestalt therapy. I spoke with him and his desire to study psychology and he also advised me to this direction. Two coincided recommendations - Bob and Victor. And I'm still not in the tooth foot. I ask: "What is it?". He replied: "That's what so-and-so." Again, not a damn thing clear. Some intensives, other strange things. And I begged myself the opportunity to meet with the person leading the courses to be able to pozadavat professional issues.
I went to Shulyavka. They took my first and not the last meeting with Sergei Lobanov, my teacher, who laid the foundations - first and second stage I studied under his leadership.
By the way, I did not plan to become a therapist, because he believed it suck - you sit, communicate with customers for a penny, to listen to some heresy. Yes on f * g is necessary. I thought, look somewhere for business in handy somewhere for himself, and to make this - yes, well ... obscurantism. Babsky work.
-So, the original idea was, to put it mildly, not entirely accurate?
-Yes. It was the call, which has already been mentioned. I want to - go. And I listen, when can perehotetsya. He joined the group paid for a three-day intensive, Friday-Saturday-Sunday, held six times a year. I encountered such a model of learning for the first time: trehdnevochki once in two months. I asked: "And you can not hurry? Why do I need to study for three years? Let's shift the bit - will be carried out in a week and all year lupanёm "And me," Stope, buddy. Do not rush". Then I realized, why not fast, but first ...
-Because ... Get ready, you'll be throwing buzzwords: the mind does not have time to assimilate the experience. Previously done quickly. Gestalt therapy came from Europe. I came up with its Fritz Perls, a disciple of Freud. By the way, this time I'm Sergei Lobanov, Lobanov learn from Jean-Marie Robine, and Robin - student Pёrlza. A trifle, but nice. I mean, I'm a student apprentice creator)
-Prichem straight genealogical tree
-Real))) By the way, this is similar to Gestalt MLM structure itself) I have always I drive when the lead group, "Welcome to the sect." Clearly, the sect is based on three key pieces, and they gestalt is not enough to be alone, but it's still a rather peculiar world, with its terminology, its understanding.
What did you change in yourself with the arrival of Gestalt therapy?
-Oh, And to fi *.
-The most important
-I Thirty years. A twenty-nine and a half, I left the house, went to some meeting, the sun was shining, I went down the path on which many times walked and suddenly felt that I was living my life. I live as I want to. I dress how I like it, I like to make friends and communicate with those who are like me, doing what I like to do business, which I like ...
-And get the money that you like
-And Get the money, which I like, and I like money, in general, all pazzliki converge. And the buzz I call "live your life." Because before that, I got more money, doing some work. Others. But there was the feeling that I live my life.
-So, if you go back to the question that I asked, did you change your life?
-Meloch, which, in principle, enough
-I Can three fingers to show how the gestalt changes destiny. Moreover, not only therapy. I once wrote an article how to change the fate of the actor's training. Or just write a thought? It is necessary to check)) In any case, there was such an idea. The bottom line is that there are certain patterns of behavior. For example: we'll meet, and we do not know. I have a pattern that a greyish nice man, I'm cautiously. And somehow I go away from such contacts. And examining why I'm doing on components, I get more and more contact. And after the course I calmly talk to you and know that you're not dangerous, interesting people. And we're a business fouled.
-Izmenyaetsya range varies rigidity?
-Yes. The range is expanding, there is a lot more features. In order of magnitude greater. Questions are solved much easier. Living some pieces. For example, there lived a boy, it hurt. The body grew, and resentment remained. And he has grown, he has his own children, and faced with a similar situation - and turned on the boy. Everyone thinks: "Yes, well, he behaves like a fool twelve?". And he did not pass it. And while not pass - nothing will change. And one of the problems of therapy - to grow. Then the magic work. That is, when it is necessary or desirable - you can be a boy. The five-year children play in the sandbox - and you can play with them, just to fool around, to stand on his head. And that's fine. So what, I 30. Or 50. But if this connection is broken, I can not fail to consciously, and only when faced with the traumatic situation. This is one of the options as primer.Na my opinion, Gestalt therapy has been one - expands awareness. All the rest - a side effect. My colleague, a very famous specialist in Moscow, it has its own training center, he said: "When a client comes, it is very difficult to explain what would be the result. Especially if it's an entrepreneur. He was accustomed to a reality and the numbers and clearly wants to know what happened. And a gesture, because it does not work. " Gestalt - is not the goal. About the process. Psychotherapy is engaged in the process. The state of "here and now". And I, as a therapist, I sell only awareness. Nothing else. I can guarantee that people will realize in that task, in that matter, with which he came to see me. How many - I can not guarantee.
-Yes. How much a person is willing to communicate, disclosed that the process has begun. Already awareness brings results. Everything Else - side effects. I had a girl, a client. He walked a short time, two months, and said that at this stage it is sufficient. She could have, for example, tell the bus driver that he stopped her where she needed. She ceased to be ashamed to do so. I could buy a hot dog seller. And before that, she had a toxic shame. She simply could not lend a twenty-hryvnia (or how much he's worth it) and say, "Give me a hot dog».
Another client was unable to refuse the man when it declined to su * ce. So it happened in my life. And it was this bad. I understand. Understood. And yet - can deny.
-And now you have something that most do not like?
-converges Did not call ... You know, do not like the fact that I can not always catch what I want. This is problem. To understand what he wants people - one of the main tasks.
-What do you want, my love, or your client?
-Both. Today I had a client. First time. And here's something going on with her. Like all the girl has: apartment, a car, a young man traveling the world. And what he wants - he does not know. And want to know. Not even so, many come with a desire to "want to want».
-I think that's just the hardest part. "I want to know" - it's still another level. But "I want to want" - it's really hard.
Yes, it's sad. But working we engaged. But the question-about is: whether it is necessary to want? Who came up with that to want? Who came up with that washed-up goal setting? "You are a man, you're 30, 40, 50 years old, you have something something, something, something." Fee * nya all.
-And then what? "Enjoy life»?
-I do not know. I believe that everyone - his own. I had a period when I just enjoyed life. And then again - and I begin to want something. And then perehachivayu)) And again some time. Undulating moving life. But in order to want to be like everyone else, because someone said that it is necessary, in order to want to just want to ...
The main problem that I encounter is that, if a person does something, what he wants to do, he progresses inner discomfort. And when the "Wishlist" becomes a departure from itself - it is a complete plate. Do you understand? When a person goes on how it to be by himself. And the easier something is to want - no matter which - an apartment, a car, than to stay alone, without headphones in their ears, without TV and begin to respond to your questions. Sleep does not want you sausage and comes inner "me." To everyone - his own. In the movie "Revolver", for example, he was named "Mr. Gold».
We're very smoothly moved away from the question "What do not you like about yourself." What you "can not catch" did not quite answer
-sulfonic Question ... you know ... so that really did not like - no. Right now got involved in one project, and pulsating within the question, "I need it?". My sausage, sometimes find an answer that is necessary, and Chuikov whispers that's not my kind. I think, and I can not decide - or continue to do to get rid? I often do not like to imagine that I quickly get involved in the projects. Previously I did not like what I'm doing it slowly after the "think twice", and now the other way around. Now my slogan - "I'm for any kipish." That's getting into once or twice. On the other hand, gestalt he learns quickly to cut unnecessary. In general, look
-Pryacheshsya from Mr. Gold?
You know, I look forward to meeting with him, because I understand that if he is hiding somewhere, and I miss it - then it will be harder. I try to Mr. Gold to get small portions.
Looks like)) Every week - a little bit. Then quickly discard unnecessary, take what you need and then observed a good rhythm.
-So, are you such what you are, with all its jambs and small bugs, taking?
-Yes. Although at first it was hard to take yourself. It gets only the pieces. That one did not like something else ...
-What a piece called the greatest resistance?
-Navernoe, Appearance. Recently recalled the situation. The girl is important to her since childhood my father took. "You are my princess, beauty." Even if you are not beautiful - it will then be easier. This does not mean that the "best", just acceptance. And boy, it is important that the mother took, because she was the first woman. And then, even if the parents die, God forbid, the relationship remains. At the head of a mom and dad are always alive, it companions to the grave. And I was a total failure of my lifestyle, my appearance. Mom tried and still not accept. At one time I picked it up in pieces and has since himself satisfied. But when a child is laid Program "are you yourself" or "you are unhappy, how can you not lucky to be with such good looks. Tall and thin, even the nose. Come on, even well-fed, correct "So drip, drip, drip - for many years, and then have to work with it. Sooner or later confronted with this, the adoption of self - a good stepping stone to pass. Well, that's a nose, that's so thin. The failure can be extremely toxic, I have tracked for customers. Girls can a hundred people say that she is a beauty, and she did not believe it. "You're lying to me like it." And this cake caked hard to disassemble. Similarly, a child can be programmed to do anything. "Something you have me a loser." In this regard, for example, I was easier because they do not enter this code. It was about: we do not like what you're doing, but do what you want - your right.
-Razbavim buzzwords unpretentious question: how it affects your self-esteem?
-Negativno, Of course. Until now, hard. Recently, she said, "Sasha, you're beautiful." And I just sharpened. It is difficult to accept such. Troubling. They say: "you're smart» ...
Well, it's a little bit easier - and you can make yourself and potestit.
-After I passed the test and tell you that "you can manage an international company, enter a 5%" - then yes, you can, well ... Acceptance is difficult for praise. And it is impossible to work up to the end. This is some vector of development and I continue to work on it. There are some things that are sitting very deep and hard to deduce. Yes, and whether to do it at all? What do I do for you? After failure to praise me - this is my life ...
-Naprimer, I'm training. Speakers at the theater. What motivates me? Receiving praise, recognition. And the inability to be satisfied fully spodvigaet, for example, to create sketches and some other experiments.
-It somehow corresponds with the self-affirmation?
-Maybe. I do not know. Just eat what is incorporated in the head, there is a "want" is somewhere inside, deeply buried. And to satisfy this "Wishlist" interesting and pleasant whole. A head - she then pulled.
It is often said about the fate, but no one knows what it is. I do not know either. But if I was the other - without all missed, the starting complexes, it probably would have been somewhere else. And we would not have met you. And I would have been different. And the question is - how?
For me, the fate - a variation from point A to point B. For example the multiplicity, is a boy on the street. I went up to him and say, "Here's a gift certificate for learning English." He is learning English and then his life changes. He had a multiplicity of points: garage, * seals, booze. And there were others.
My friend, Tamara, marketing, coined the term "not connected." They are the ones who do not rummage in the Internet. As previously illiterate. Illiterate - and immediately lower wages. Like my grandparents, war caught were illiterate, and all - the collective farm. We do not take any teacher or accountant.
-Do you have any fidbek with workshops, seminars - manage to "connect" people? And in general - is a kind of mission - "to connect»?
-Nepodklyuchennymi I call those who are not on the Internet fumbles.
-A expand the field of the term? Man, "not included" in the society?
-Remember, We talked about the fact that I share the life and the survival of their own lives. So, psychotherapy - is for those who are simply not enough to survive. It is not a cheap pastime. For some, this is a very shameful pastime. There are customers, especially men, who come quietly, quietly go away, do not advertise, I do not recommend to anyone, because the bedrooms that were a therapist. For them it is a shame.
-Because What it means to them to publicize that they have problems with his head. Go to the therapist to ask tablets from the stomach - this is normal and is not ashamed. Just think, watermelon travanulsya - bad watermelon. But if life travanulsya - it's embarrassing. Although, like, too, is not guilty ...
-Questions very philosophical. Something in your life, we still choose. At least, take from a stranger on the street, a gift certificate for learning English or not ...
-Soglasen. So you can go in depth and come to the question: we choose or do not choose the parents?
-What do you think?
-I Have often thought about it. Probably, in all honesty, yes, I would have chosen. How else? Would not I have where I am and where I am, I like, I'm comfortable here. Why is that? Due to the content, which gave me the parents. And I do not share in the good and bad, which gave - is given, I am very grateful for that. Just now, I do not allow them to add what they want, have their pictures life. A base, I believe, was given good.
What is for you the fundamental impetus for the development?