Man and woman in different feel at the beginning of family life. Many women have a desire to preserve the style of pre-marital relationship, to a man they always say compliments, gave flowers, gifts. She believes that he truly loves her. And if he does not give gifts, not to say compliments, there is a suspicion: "I guess out of love." And the young wife begins to stare at him, asking questions. A man does not understand why a woman so restless that happened.
When psychologists began to study this issue, it appears that at any stage of development of the family, it is important for a woman to a man told her something good, friendly. The woman is such that she needed verbal support. And men are more rational. And when men ask about feelings faded, they wonder most and say, "But we're married, the fact is there. It is the most important proof of love. Yet it is clear that even to speak? »
Women need to prove every day. And so the man does not understand that it happens every day. But it does not cost anything to bring a flower and gift. A woman blossom after that, the mountains will turn! It is important, while men do not get it. One man said that when a woman becomes angry, he does not attack her, and tells her: "Despite the fact that you're angry, I still love you. You are so beautiful! "What happens to a woman? It melts and said: "With you it is impossible to talk seriously." You just have to feel each other and say, necessary words. Because women are more emotional, we must give her the emotional support.
Even the concept of "love and be together" man and woman understand differently. There is a family psychologist, a husband and wife Kronik. They explored the question of how men and women understand what it means to "be together».
By entering into marriage, a man and a woman say, "I have made a love marriage. I love this man. And I want to always be with him. " It would seem that speak the same language, say the same thing. But it turns out, the man and the woman put in these words a different meaning. What?
The first and most common. When a woman says "love and be together", its presentation can be represented by the following model. If you draw a circle, one circle and inside the shaded second round. Here it means for a woman to "be together". She tries to be in the center of the life of the man she loved. Such women often say, "I love you so much that if you're not in my life, it makes no sense." This is the type of relationship where the woman in the family life starts to cry or run to a psychologist. She does not understand what is happening. "But we agreed to be together" - she says.
This woman makes her husband is not just a husband and lover, she puts it above God. She seems to be saying to him, "You are everything to me." It is a violation of spiritual law!
From a psychological point of view, a woman in this relationship takes the role of the mother and of the husband makes the child. It re-educates her husband to the level of a capricious child. "Look how I cook. In the gruel you on your supik. Look how well I clean. And let's here it or is it? You only love me! And you let me seasick, sing a song. " And the man from the head of the family gradually becomes a child. Who would not want to wear it on your hands?
It takes several years, and she starts to cry: "I give you all my life, and you - an ungrateful!" "Listen, - says the man - I did not ask you to do this" And he is absolutely right. She caught him in her arms, suffered, and then burst into tears. Who is to blame? The man should be the head of the family, and the wife should behave in such a way that he felt it was the head. It does not have to bring out his naughty child. Love should be able to!
The second type of family - a shaded circle. Style "a step does not depart from me, and I will not leave from you." Such a family is like a prison. Once in the student sketch one student described the situation this way: his wife is saying to her husband, "the leg to the foot!" She says it is head of the family, my husband! But he's not a dog! Why "the leg"? This woman comes to family advice and says, "You know, I suffer so much, and he is an ingrate. He does not appreciate me! "However, she truly believes that she is suffering. And do not realize that the strongest love her - to itself. Humiliating attitude to her husband, not as head of the family, as well as the one to whom you can say, "Shut up!" And "Go to the leg!»
A further embodiment of love and the interpretation of the concept of "being together". This option is the most normal and human. If we represent the relationship in the form of wedding rings, they will be a little overlap. That is, the husband and wife together, but not as much as in the second case, when the family as a prison. Here the woman realizes that her husband - an independent person, he has a right to their feelings, their actions.
Not always, they have to go hand in hand and look in the same direction, should respect each other, trust. If a man for a while is not at home, it does not mean that he is doing something indecent. Do not tell him, "Where have you been? .. And now once again, but honestly!" There must be a certain freedom, trust in each other. And the woman feels more cozy, comfortable, when a man is not always in front of her eyes. I want to draw attention to love - it's all the same to give the other person the opportunity to do something without you. From this other person does not become someone else from that, he grows up, he is gaining new information, his life becomes richer. A man talks on his work, he reads books that he likes. Having processed all this, it becomes more interesting in the family, it becomes an adult.
Now let's see how a man understands what is "to be together." It turned out, the most common option - the next. If you draw two circles, they will be at a distance from each other and are united by something common: mainly male and female united place of residence (apartment). What does it mean? Men are more independent. He needed more freedom in life. This does not mean that it is not man's home. Man appreciates family life. He just need a normal family environment. He does not need a hysterical wife, tossing, which sees his life to bring up her husband as an apprentice. He does not need one that blames all his life, and then said, "Why do not appreciate me?»
This is a misunderstanding between men and women when they have different understandings of what it means to "be together" in the first year of life is felt particularly acutely. Because of this, women are affected more often. I therefore appeal to them.
If a man is not always in front of your eyes, do not take it as a tragedy. Moreover, a man must assert himself at work. If he assert themselves in the work, in their profession, it becomes much softer in the family. If he has something fails to work, the harder it behaves in the family. So do not be jealous of him to work. It is also a mistake. Husband and wife do not have to inhale and exhale at the same time. And in the life of the same, each must have its own rhythm, but they should be together. Unity should occur at the level of trust and respect for the other person.
I sometimes suggest that some women: "Do you imagine that a man you from morning to evening talking to trouble, from morning to night taught anything." Such things women had never occurred. Women do not understand that she was not a teacher in the family, and the husband - not Losers. All the contrary: it is - the head of the family, and it should be his assistant. Teach him - a violation of spiritual laws.
There are physical laws, and there is spiritual. And those and others of God. And those and others are not canceled. There is the law of terrestrial gravity. Threw a stone, it should fall to the ground. Heavy stone thrown, it will hit very hard. The same thing - the spiritual laws. We know them or do not know, they still are.