Charlotte Keightley was columnist The Huffington Post UK since 2013, and September 16, 2014, died of cancer. She has written "farewell letter" - his latest column for the readers. She had something to say.
- I usually plan their lives. I liked all these lists, reminders, and stickers. For no matter what I took, it was a good start, but then I quickly lost interest in the case, tired, and erstwhile passion passed.
But such luxury with cancer I could not afford. It's not something that you could give up as soon as you get bored. It can not be put off for later and do something more interesting. At least, I did not. Since that day, I learned the news, I had to pass all the tests, carefully attending physicians and pass the necessary examinations. I have tried all the methods that I was offered, from traditional therapy to acupuncture, cottage cheese and butter and fresh juices. Cancer became my life. All holidays, hairstyles, and even learning a helicopter pilot - are all now depended on the good or bad results of chemotherapy. Danny and Lou, involuntary witnesses of my condition, even though they were protected because of their age, yet also entirely dependent on my regimen. That's all they know about me, and I hope this did not prevent them feel my care and that they are welcome and the most beloved children in the world.
Ignorance, by which we were trying to protect them, now it is necessary to break. For them to my birthday, I began to feel "not good." We have to "go" to the hospital, where did all the tests. Unfortunately, the latest results simply do not give us hope. We no longer have those couple of months, which we had hoped. I stayed a few days in the best case - a couple of weeks. Nobody thought that I was allowed to go home at this time, but at the last moment, a miracle happened, and I was allowed to spend the last days with my children and beloved husband.
As I write this, I'm sitting on the couch, you can say, I do not feel pain and to make up their few things like funeral arrangements and selling my car. Every morning I wake up with gratitude that today I can hug their children and kiss them.
And when you read this, I will not be. Rich will try to live day after day, knowing that I would never wake up next to him. He was lucky - he could see me in my dreams, but the cruel morning show that anyone close to him. He habitually take two cups out of the cabinet, to make coffee, but realize that in fact it was necessary to take one. Lucy will need help to reach the box with rubber bands for hair, but no one will be able to braid her hair as before. Danny, as usual, loose Lego police, but no one will know where it is possible to look. You will wait for new columns, but no more. This is the last chapter.
And instead I will only rough, unnecessary and cruel gap: in every loving heart, in memory of friends and relatives. Forgive me for that. I would love to be with you, laugh, have a strange food, to which I had become accustomed in recent years, laughing at silly things that Charlie says. I have so many things that I'm not ready to let go, but I understand that I have no choice. I would like to see how things were going with my friends, I wanted to see my children growing up, and would like to grow old and grumble at Rich's. But I did not come.
But all this meant to you. So when I'm gone, please, please, enjoy life. Take it with both hands and squeeze it, shake and appreciate every second. You love your children. You literally have no idea what this happiness - to adjust them in the morning, they are more likely to brush their teeth.
Hug your loved ones, and if they can not hug you back, get someone who can. Everyone deserves love and reciprocal feeling. Do not settle for less. Find a job that will bring joy not become slaves to it. "I would like to work more," - this is not something that will write on your grave. Dance, laugh and eat with friends. Real, honest and strong friendship - an absolute fortune and the fact that we can choose for yourself. Choose friends with attention and care, just like looking for treasure. Surround yourself with beautiful things. In a life full of sadness and pain - but get their rainbow and hold it. Beauty - everything, just sometimes need to peer a little closer to her notice.
It's all. Thank you for that as many as 36 years you have loved me and were kind to me. From those girls who playfully pushed me into the nettles when I was six years old, as the orphaned men who in the last week really helped me advice about what their wives do to prepare their children and all around. All of you have made me who I am today.
Please do not waste your love on me, better to give it to Rich, my children, family and close friends. And when you close the curtains at night, look at the sky, get one star - it's me. I look at you, enjoying a Pina Colada and delicious chocolate.
Good dreams, good-bye, and God bless you.
I kiss you, Charlie.