1143
From this it is necessary to get rid of
Each of us has its advantages and disadvantages, and while that seems dignity can turn disadvantage in the eyes of others. Some features of our personality, such as arrogance or jealousy, it is very difficult to overcome, but you can always find the strength to solve the problem.
1. Inability to say "no»
Problem:
One of the most common features that we see in other people every day - is the inability to say "no", even if it is the case that will ruin their lives. How many of us have such a contact phone that will make you sёzhitsya once appears on the screen? Anyone who is so horrible that you have put on his record your melody scream "Do not you dare answer! Burn your phone and run away! "But you're still in charge, and before he jumps to the request, you have to open your bank account, calculator and calendar.
There is nothing wrong with people who ask for help, and when you offer help, you too there is nothing wrong, but there are people who crop up only when they need help. They do not call to find out how you drop the case or to visit. They can start to talk about it, but it's only warm-up, you need to soften you before you ask the main question. "Hey, while you're here, I heard what happened to me? I conducted my truck across the lake for charity, and my purse flew out of my pocket, and shot him goose hunter. So I do not have the cash until your next payday. Could you give me my money until Friday? »
From time to time you find yourself sag under their requests. Even when you tell yourself that you need to get together and tell them that they should go to someone else, you will still succumb. And there's nothing you can do about it. You're a good man, and if you have the opportunity to help them, who are you to refuse them?
Why is it so hard to fix it:
People who have been victims of such a situation, usually do not like conflict. Or, to be more exact, they avoid confrontation like vampires avoid sunlight and hot wood. Unfortunately, the only way to solve the problem - it's an honest conversation with the people who use it.
If you want to stop it, you have to let them know that they can not call you only if they you need something. This is not friendship, and government grants. This applies not only to requests for money. So many people call only when they have an emotional crisis. It's great to have friends who will support you at any moment, but the relationship should not be entirely based on this.
It's pretty hard to take. Many people are so afraid of conflict that they never try to do this by choosing to be ready to find a way out of other people's disasters. Just know that those who use you, will never happen inspiration and they never say, "I'm sorry I used you for all these years. What a fool I was! Here's a million dollars in a sign of reconciliation ».
2. Defensive position
Problem:
With protecting people is very difficult to deal with. I'm not talking about people who use protective mechanisms, being in a bad situation. Sometimes you have to stand in front of the chief and say, "No, I did not spank your son. Yes, I would very much have liked, but I did not do it. " We are talking about people who have even the slightest criticism met in full armor.
Your head politely remind you that the report should be ready by 16:00, and you say, "I know! I'm working on it all day. Every time you assign me responsible for the project, you behave as if I save it to the last minute. I do not sit here all day playing video games! "Or maybe your spouse tell you the little mistakes and instead to fix it and move on, you say that you were not careful, because you had a bad day ... and then describe all the bad things that led to the error. It did not depend on you. Everything has gone against you again.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
It is very difficult to overcome, because failure of the defensive position leaves you open and vulnerable. It makes you take responsibility for any errors or does not meet the expectations. It is, by definition, remedy almost any negative situation.
The only thing that can lead to progress - is a conscious suppression of desire to jump into the mood when your ego and brain cry about it. But will have to reckon with the source. No need to politely listen to criticism of a passerby, but if you criticize someone, someone you respect and trust, tell your brain to shut up and listen to what you want to say.
It's not so easy to do: to protect people any criticism or even friendly advice sounds like an attack. This modification may require years of training, but it's worth it. People will be much more pleasant to communicate with you when you stop to answer every question, "Why do you hate me?»
3. Arrogance
Problem:
Being among strangers, we often be polite, quiet and behave just as respectful to them as they are to us. On the Internet, we can turn a funny caricature of arrogance. Impregnable dictators, reward those who follow our arbitrary rules and punish those who dare to oppose. In other words, send them to the ban.
The Internet is much easier to send someone in the ass, because you are not connected to that person. Yes, the same thing can be done in the real world, but when you do it, you at least look the person in the eye and physically dodge his fist. Even on the phone you are associated with a person through the voice, and send it out loud it becomes more difficult than just print a message on the keyboard.
The most common form taken by arrogance - this indulgence, especially if we talk about intelligence. In Twitter to see the phrase "I hate stupid people" can meet at least twice a day. Most often, the number of tweets coming to six per day. And they are written by people who in the least do not feel arrogant. This is one of the biggest problems with arrogance: it can only be seen from the side - that's why Skryudzh never seen him without the help of the ghosts.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
There is one thing that can help - it's understanding that there is a whole world of people who have overshadowed his intelligence, wisdom, and all aspects of their lives. In other words, we are not so special, how we think. Another thing that should be remembered is that, yes, in the world there are really stupid people. And this is not our concern, or the right to evaluate them according to the same standards on how we evaluate ourselves and our closest friends. They do not deserve to be punished for something that they can not maintain a conversation about astronomy or because they have no sense of humor.
Modesty - it's not something that you get an easy decision to take it. This state of consciousness, and it requires a huge number of correct thinking and empathy. This requires you to open up emotionally and communicate with different people. Few arrogant people want to go for it, because they believe the other below it. Leave them together at a party and they proobschalis all night. But invite them to a private conversation, and they begin to feel sick from you.
4. The need for control
Problem:
In our life, everyone has their understanding of how to do anything. We put the clothes in a certain way, hang it in the closet in a certain order, we arrange symmetrically trinkets and so on. This is a private matter, and if someone has such little "rules", the man wants to control the situation in accordance with them, otherwise it can drive him crazy.
Everything is bad when a perfectionist brings their habits on the other person and not taking behavior or work that is different from its standards. In this case, it becomes an amateur pokomandovat. "This fanfic about Darth Vader is not the same erotic, what can be. You do not go to school and will rewrite it until it turned me on to the second page ».
We've all met people like that. A husband who takes away the brush of his wife and said, "Lord, just let me do it. If I let you paint, we do not finish the living room until next spring. " A wife who complains: "Thou shalt not wear it in public. Go put on a decent pants that I bought you. And if you once again spoil the air in the restaurant, we immediately went home and I'll put that terrible "do not touch me" pajamas ».
Why is it so hard to fix it:
Each of our business takes time, so if someone does it for us, we want him to do it the way we do. Well, or correct what has already been done by someone else, in his own way. Even when a person simply helps us.
To solve this problem helps to realize that if we all adapt, it will look ungrateful, and will help the person unrated. Our actions will be perceived by others as punishment. But it is wrong - no one is punished for good deeds. Otherwise it is some kind of "Game of Thrones" is obtained.
The only way out of this situation - is to give people the opportunity to do something completely without your participation. Will have to convince yourself that the intervention without permission or invitation in the affairs of others - it's an invasion of foreign territory. Obviously, you can not do it without discussion, or become a goat in the eyes of others.
Giving up control - it's like a team of rescuers to replace the only person who has to catch you when you fall. It requires immense trust and understanding that he can do the job well without your presence. Keep in mind that we are talking about actions. Human control - it's much more serious problem that may require professional help or complete rupture of relations. By the way ...
5. Jealousy
Problem:
Jealousy - this is the most terrible and destructive personality trait, which can be represented. Its even hard to call feature, but rather a scar. There are so many things that need to be corrected, that it is hard to know where to start. The problem is very twisted around issues of trust, control, fear, addiction, anger ... it's very similar to the attempt to change the course of the river, digging her spoon Beach.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
As long as you do not add to your relationship murder or persecution, you are not to blame. Your partner may have a problem with jealousy, long before you came into his life. But you also need to understand that if you can no longer stay with this man, for it would be extremely difficult to go through it.
To solve this problem, you need to learn to trust others and truly understand that when your partner disappears from view, he or she does not sleep with the entire population of the city. Do not chase and did not cause him or her pain - this is what you can do. A performance of the jealous partner requirements (call every half an hour, let's check the phone) just shows that their actions are allegedly acceptable. Actually, no.
For people who are struggling with their own bouts of jealousy. If your significant other gives you a legitimate reason to distrust, it may not be your man. But if not, you owe yourself and your partner to try to change. And accept that this person - your partner and the person does not deserve to be concluded in the cells of your uncertainty. The same goes for you. You will leave a lot of time before you learn to trust, but it's worth it.
©
1. Inability to say "no»
Problem:
One of the most common features that we see in other people every day - is the inability to say "no", even if it is the case that will ruin their lives. How many of us have such a contact phone that will make you sёzhitsya once appears on the screen? Anyone who is so horrible that you have put on his record your melody scream "Do not you dare answer! Burn your phone and run away! "But you're still in charge, and before he jumps to the request, you have to open your bank account, calculator and calendar.
There is nothing wrong with people who ask for help, and when you offer help, you too there is nothing wrong, but there are people who crop up only when they need help. They do not call to find out how you drop the case or to visit. They can start to talk about it, but it's only warm-up, you need to soften you before you ask the main question. "Hey, while you're here, I heard what happened to me? I conducted my truck across the lake for charity, and my purse flew out of my pocket, and shot him goose hunter. So I do not have the cash until your next payday. Could you give me my money until Friday? »
From time to time you find yourself sag under their requests. Even when you tell yourself that you need to get together and tell them that they should go to someone else, you will still succumb. And there's nothing you can do about it. You're a good man, and if you have the opportunity to help them, who are you to refuse them?
Why is it so hard to fix it:
People who have been victims of such a situation, usually do not like conflict. Or, to be more exact, they avoid confrontation like vampires avoid sunlight and hot wood. Unfortunately, the only way to solve the problem - it's an honest conversation with the people who use it.
If you want to stop it, you have to let them know that they can not call you only if they you need something. This is not friendship, and government grants. This applies not only to requests for money. So many people call only when they have an emotional crisis. It's great to have friends who will support you at any moment, but the relationship should not be entirely based on this.
It's pretty hard to take. Many people are so afraid of conflict that they never try to do this by choosing to be ready to find a way out of other people's disasters. Just know that those who use you, will never happen inspiration and they never say, "I'm sorry I used you for all these years. What a fool I was! Here's a million dollars in a sign of reconciliation ».
2. Defensive position
Problem:
With protecting people is very difficult to deal with. I'm not talking about people who use protective mechanisms, being in a bad situation. Sometimes you have to stand in front of the chief and say, "No, I did not spank your son. Yes, I would very much have liked, but I did not do it. " We are talking about people who have even the slightest criticism met in full armor.
Your head politely remind you that the report should be ready by 16:00, and you say, "I know! I'm working on it all day. Every time you assign me responsible for the project, you behave as if I save it to the last minute. I do not sit here all day playing video games! "Or maybe your spouse tell you the little mistakes and instead to fix it and move on, you say that you were not careful, because you had a bad day ... and then describe all the bad things that led to the error. It did not depend on you. Everything has gone against you again.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
It is very difficult to overcome, because failure of the defensive position leaves you open and vulnerable. It makes you take responsibility for any errors or does not meet the expectations. It is, by definition, remedy almost any negative situation.
The only thing that can lead to progress - is a conscious suppression of desire to jump into the mood when your ego and brain cry about it. But will have to reckon with the source. No need to politely listen to criticism of a passerby, but if you criticize someone, someone you respect and trust, tell your brain to shut up and listen to what you want to say.
It's not so easy to do: to protect people any criticism or even friendly advice sounds like an attack. This modification may require years of training, but it's worth it. People will be much more pleasant to communicate with you when you stop to answer every question, "Why do you hate me?»
3. Arrogance
Problem:
Being among strangers, we often be polite, quiet and behave just as respectful to them as they are to us. On the Internet, we can turn a funny caricature of arrogance. Impregnable dictators, reward those who follow our arbitrary rules and punish those who dare to oppose. In other words, send them to the ban.
The Internet is much easier to send someone in the ass, because you are not connected to that person. Yes, the same thing can be done in the real world, but when you do it, you at least look the person in the eye and physically dodge his fist. Even on the phone you are associated with a person through the voice, and send it out loud it becomes more difficult than just print a message on the keyboard.
The most common form taken by arrogance - this indulgence, especially if we talk about intelligence. In Twitter to see the phrase "I hate stupid people" can meet at least twice a day. Most often, the number of tweets coming to six per day. And they are written by people who in the least do not feel arrogant. This is one of the biggest problems with arrogance: it can only be seen from the side - that's why Skryudzh never seen him without the help of the ghosts.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
There is one thing that can help - it's understanding that there is a whole world of people who have overshadowed his intelligence, wisdom, and all aspects of their lives. In other words, we are not so special, how we think. Another thing that should be remembered is that, yes, in the world there are really stupid people. And this is not our concern, or the right to evaluate them according to the same standards on how we evaluate ourselves and our closest friends. They do not deserve to be punished for something that they can not maintain a conversation about astronomy or because they have no sense of humor.
Modesty - it's not something that you get an easy decision to take it. This state of consciousness, and it requires a huge number of correct thinking and empathy. This requires you to open up emotionally and communicate with different people. Few arrogant people want to go for it, because they believe the other below it. Leave them together at a party and they proobschalis all night. But invite them to a private conversation, and they begin to feel sick from you.
4. The need for control
Problem:
In our life, everyone has their understanding of how to do anything. We put the clothes in a certain way, hang it in the closet in a certain order, we arrange symmetrically trinkets and so on. This is a private matter, and if someone has such little "rules", the man wants to control the situation in accordance with them, otherwise it can drive him crazy.
Everything is bad when a perfectionist brings their habits on the other person and not taking behavior or work that is different from its standards. In this case, it becomes an amateur pokomandovat. "This fanfic about Darth Vader is not the same erotic, what can be. You do not go to school and will rewrite it until it turned me on to the second page ».
We've all met people like that. A husband who takes away the brush of his wife and said, "Lord, just let me do it. If I let you paint, we do not finish the living room until next spring. " A wife who complains: "Thou shalt not wear it in public. Go put on a decent pants that I bought you. And if you once again spoil the air in the restaurant, we immediately went home and I'll put that terrible "do not touch me" pajamas ».
Why is it so hard to fix it:
Each of our business takes time, so if someone does it for us, we want him to do it the way we do. Well, or correct what has already been done by someone else, in his own way. Even when a person simply helps us.
To solve this problem helps to realize that if we all adapt, it will look ungrateful, and will help the person unrated. Our actions will be perceived by others as punishment. But it is wrong - no one is punished for good deeds. Otherwise it is some kind of "Game of Thrones" is obtained.
The only way out of this situation - is to give people the opportunity to do something completely without your participation. Will have to convince yourself that the intervention without permission or invitation in the affairs of others - it's an invasion of foreign territory. Obviously, you can not do it without discussion, or become a goat in the eyes of others.
Giving up control - it's like a team of rescuers to replace the only person who has to catch you when you fall. It requires immense trust and understanding that he can do the job well without your presence. Keep in mind that we are talking about actions. Human control - it's much more serious problem that may require professional help or complete rupture of relations. By the way ...
5. Jealousy
Problem:
Jealousy - this is the most terrible and destructive personality trait, which can be represented. Its even hard to call feature, but rather a scar. There are so many things that need to be corrected, that it is hard to know where to start. The problem is very twisted around issues of trust, control, fear, addiction, anger ... it's very similar to the attempt to change the course of the river, digging her spoon Beach.
Why is it so hard to fix it:
As long as you do not add to your relationship murder or persecution, you are not to blame. Your partner may have a problem with jealousy, long before you came into his life. But you also need to understand that if you can no longer stay with this man, for it would be extremely difficult to go through it.
To solve this problem, you need to learn to trust others and truly understand that when your partner disappears from view, he or she does not sleep with the entire population of the city. Do not chase and did not cause him or her pain - this is what you can do. A performance of the jealous partner requirements (call every half an hour, let's check the phone) just shows that their actions are allegedly acceptable. Actually, no.
For people who are struggling with their own bouts of jealousy. If your significant other gives you a legitimate reason to distrust, it may not be your man. But if not, you owe yourself and your partner to try to change. And accept that this person - your partner and the person does not deserve to be concluded in the cells of your uncertainty. The same goes for you. You will leave a lot of time before you learn to trust, but it's worth it.
©
