Jokes and Stories

Enlistment:
 - Young man, you want to give back to the homeland?
 - Yes, I want, and how much should I?

... And the witch foretold that when the princess turns 16 years old, she pricks her finger with a spindle and die.
... And he commanded, then the king to cut off all the fingers princess.

Man asks God:
 - God, why have you created such a beautiful woman?
God answers:
 - In order for you to be able to love her.
 - Why did you do it so stupid?
 - That she would love you.

 - Girl, let me pinch your breasts.
 - Get away, ham!
 - Girl, I'll give you 1,000 rubles.
 - Pshel out!
 - Five thousand ladies.
 - It says - pshel out, asshole!
 - Oh well! Ten thousand - and once in the chest ...
 - Okay.
We went to the entrance, the girl took off her bra, the young man pressed his cheek to one breast, stroking another.
 - Well, some pinching when you?
 - I am an honest man, a girl: no money - I will not pinching!

Conversation between a programmer and his wife in the evening, after work.
My husband came home: Good evening dear, I'm now logged in.
Wife: Did you buy bread?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife: But I ask you this morning.
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife: How about a new TV?
Husband: Variable not found ...
Wife: At least give me your credit card, I want to go to the store.
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife: Do you love me or you love only to computers or you're just kidding me?
Husband: Too many parameters ...
Wife: I should not have married you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife: You're all stupid ...
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife: What about your paycheck?
Husband: File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife: What is my position in the family?
Husband: Unknown Virus.

There is a Little Red Riding Hood in the forest, carries a basket of pies grandmother, running feet behind. Looks - lazy crowd, a dozen people. Well, I think now raped. And in order not to suffer, he took off pants, lay down and wait. Hear the clatter swept past, opens his eyes - no shorts and baskets. What is going on. Towards the back is the same gang rushes ... Now something certainly raped, thinks Red Riding Hood and falls to the ground. The crowd rushed past. She opens her eyes and sees an empty basket, and her panties and a note: "Grandma pies carried cowards had washed.
Timur and his team".