Jokes Monday

When I asked about the shelf life of condoms dealer-Caucasian pharmacy gave remarkably concise and, in my opinion, the correct answer:
 - Adyn time.

Economist Alexander works 57 hours a week. Simon works as a manager is 8 hours ahead of Alexander.
Negro ... I mean, this ... Afroafrikanets Mganga works as a janitor at the local office of the Red Cross 6:00 with a three-hour break for siesta.
Q - Who are the Negro?

A man chooses a brothel in the thickest woman.
During the process, he suddenly turns off the overhead light.
 - That's because I do not like me?
 - Well no! The lamp burns ass!

 - A man and his wife you never reproaches that you are running a simple guard in a psychiatric hospital?
 - It happens! But when you can send to the x * k Napoleon and give n * zdy Comrade Lenin - dignity wins pathetic criticism.

 - Girl, you do not want me to sell for $ 100?
 - You wrap?
 - What ?!
wrap  - Guba!



We met two friends.
 - You know, for the sake of my wife, I stopped to drink, smoke, play cards ...
 - Congratulations. I hope that now she is happy?
 - Where there! Every time I open my mouth, she discovers that say something to her nothing!

The professor gave a lecture on ethics:
 - Young people, if you saw that on the buttocks of the girl
thread, try to tell her about it as discreetly as possible. For example: "Girl, you on the shoulder of the thread." She would look over his shoulder, then lower and see. Student raising his hand:
 - Sorry, Professor, you have to tie lightning unbuttoned.

Comes from a trip ... the wife and her husband in bed with her lover ...;)

Clean up in the sauna German (H), French (F) and Russian (R). Then suddenly collapsing wall between the male and female branch.
(H) - Oh-oh-oh-oh (closing hand chest)
(F) - Ah-ah-ah-ah (closing hand bottom)
(P) - Well f ... your mother (spreading his hands apart)

Driving test. The blonde gets into the car.
 - Thank you, you do not pass - says the examiner.
 - How could I not pass, even if did not move?
 - You sat in the back seat !!!

Monkeys live in warm countries all day doing nothing, just guzzle and tr %% ayutsya. The work of the monkeys made man and now a man tr %% discharges a little, and work all day. In my opinion, we have thrown a monkey ...

She: I'm pregnant by you
She: Oh ... sorry you did not!
He: fuuuuuuu
She: Oh ... you ... ((((

Come two blondes in a car showroom to choose.
 - Len, and what car you want?
 - Mercedes.
 - And how are you going to look for him there? Look how many cars there.
 - No problem! Bear I said that we should look for the car, which has strained the front ring with him thong!

Grandmother grandson forehead touches:
- Something forehead you today some hot!
- No, Grandma, is that you cool down ...