I never thought I'd be celebrating my 40th birthday with strangers, but that's my punishment for being rash.

Trying to make life easier for your loved ones is normal. We let them know that we love them and care about them. But if family From a particularly close circle, they regard such impulses as a given and just sit on your neck with their legs hanging off - this is a great reason to stop and think carefully. You may be doing something wrong at this point in your life.



Sometimes this happens when in a marriage someone gets tired of their immediate duties and just tries to dodge. Then the second partner has no choice but to take on the additional burden of responsibility and try to somehow continue to exist in this mode. Most often it ends sadly. Who knows, maybe despite the fact that family should always be the first place for a person, there are situations when divorce is the only right of all possible decisions?

I would never have thought that I would celebrate my 40 years not in the circle of my family, but in a foreign country, surrounded by pleasant, though not too close to me people. I am still the wife and mother of a teenage son. How did that happen? Well, apparently at some point I decided to act arrogantly without thinking. And now I reap the fruits of my unbelievers.

Seven years ago, it was like a black cloud of bad luck hanging over our family. The son received a disappointing diagnosis in the hospital and a considerable amount of money was required to restore his health. My husband and I didn’t have enough savings, although Misha, my husband, honestly worked at his firm without missing a single day. Our apartment was flooded with drinking neighbors and it was impossible to get any compensation from them. Even our family car seemed to make strange noises in the area of the engine and it was scary to think about how much it would cost to repair it.



Hard times, in short, hard times. I did not work anywhere at that time and after a few sleepless nights I decided to go abroad for a few years to earn money. So that at least our ten-year-old son could pay for the operation. My husband understood me, for a long time did not want to put up with the circumstances, but in the end gave the go-ahead. So I became a nurse in a wealthy European family.

The responsibilities of such work are probably known to everyone. I will not talk about them here. They paid me well for it, so in a few years the money earned was enough to help the child, and even to solve other problems, such as cosmetic repair of the apartment. But my husband and I were overcome by greed and, since everything was so favorable, we decided to continue my stay in a foreign country.

We often communicated through video. I saw my husband and son miss me. How my men care and care about every aspect of my life. Haven't I lost weight, am I tired? What did I have for breakfast, lunch? And other little things you always notice about yourself. But then, some time after my son's successful surgery, it seemed like my attitude changed. And not for the better.



My husband continued to call me at the scheduled time when I had the opportunity to answer him. We kept talking with a smile on our face, and I still heard daily compliments. But Misha's face changed immediately when I asked him about the money. What is our family budget, how much money has he spent and what? All these questions caused the husband anger and aggression. I had every right to be interested in our financial affairs, given the circumstances.

This went on for a very long time. At some point, I decided to let things go, then I changed my mind. We started fighting, which is actually quite morally tough. I have no friends in another country. I came to work, not to make acquaintances. In the end, all the dots and put my son. He told me what was going on.



I feared that my husband, in my absence, would simply have another woman and spend most of our savings on her. It happens all the time, believe me. But in fact, it was a little different. He started playing. Bet on any sporting event. Like a totally dependent person. The son described it as follows: after work, Dad came and the first thing without undressing, turned on the computer. He put a bottle of foam next to him and monitored football matches, tennis and the like. Sometimes I even forgot about dinner.

My husband responded sluggishly and without much regret. Yeah, I was a little out of line. Yeah, he says it's gonna be okay. However, it is still not recognized how much money he spent on his “amusements”. He just tells me not to rush back home. This is the weather in our relationship.



I understand that in the past I was not the most hardworking wife. Indeed, sitting at home and essentially doing nothing, I often allowed myself to order some goods over the Internet. She demanded from her husband trips on vacation, some broad gestures and the like. Apartment, only child and husband at work with a good salary, what could go wrong?

Now, here you are. My son has grown up and will soon become an adult. He can already cope with most of the “adult” problems, although to me he is still a little lean boy who I left home after leaving for thirty lands. The husband has become a different, stranger, and it is not clear whether this will change in the foreseeable future. And I spent a lot of time for what. Not to mention the fact that youth can not return, no matter how hard you try.



40 years is an age, I think. Not that I have to give up my seat in the transport, but you can't call me a girl anymore. That’s why I feel so sad at this age to be alone without my family and friends. What if I’m just scared to come back? Come home and make sure that our apartment is still in the same terrible condition, the car was sold long ago, and we are in debt as in silk? How am I going to pull myself together and do something? Neither moral nor physical strength for this I can hardly find.