A young woman asked a Gestalt therapist why older people stick to her

There is a category of girls who are very surprised that older men are actively acquainted with them. I know about such cases firsthand. Once one friend turned with such a “problem” to a psychologist, to which he recommended to take care of himself and establish relations with his father. Surely. mature man and young girl The classic of the genre for psychologists. The acquaintance was worried that the “new acquaintances” were older by 25-35 years, and the main question was: “Maybe something is wrong with me?”

The psychologist’s answer did not seem to me to be a formal resignation, but there was something about “dry stamping” according to a pre-prepared cliché. I wanted to understand the situation and express a different opinion, also based on a long-term study of psychology. Not only that.



To begin with, we will try to mentally divide the “inappropriate” applicants into groups. We will immediately discard those who do not watch themselves, who are screamingly ill-dressed, and, for the most part, often arrive in a state of drunkenness. Such, it would seem, and should understand that they, to put it mildly, are not a couple at all. If they can't. adequately assess your chances - Isn't that their problem?

If a girl looks good, if she knows how to firmly say “no!”, which is read not only on the lips, but also present in the intonation, in the look, in the expression of the face, then the above category of “wrong” dissolves by itself. Youth should not be synonymous with insecurity.Then those who want to deceive or use you become much less. As they say, experience comes with years And "everything is learned by exercise," which is practice.



Over the years, from these exercises we overgrown with “thorns”, covered with “armor” and repel unwanted “attacks” generally instinctively and naturally, not paying special attention to the sources of irritation. Young age He is sensitive to all kinds of ugliness, injustice and rudeness. Maturity. It automatically turns this kind of “undesirable” into “mimocrocodile”, spending almost no energy on it.

Are all mature men the same? Girls complain that older men are approaching them. But if there were, for example, world-class stars, like some Brad Pitt, Jim Carrey, or at worst, successful businessmen, romantic poets, or others. mystery-artistsThe indignation would probably be much less.

Therefore, there is reason to assume that men who do not like anyone at all, those who find it very difficult to find a partner in principle, are attracted to them.



Most likely, this category quite soberly assesses its “problem” and takes not by skill, but by the number of attempts, attacking everyone in a row: in social networks, on dating sites and anywhere else, both young and peers. They "bomb" the environment, not paying attention to failures and the number of failures. Their actions are like radioactive rain, scattering banana skins and traces of dovish attention on your coat. I don't think they make you think there's anything wrong with you.

In addition to the above, do not discount the social attitude that girls grow up earlier of their fellow boys, and Women under thirty prefer older men. If one of the candidates does not see the difference between 2-3 years and 20-30 years, and this is a significant difference for you, then whose problem is this?



Goal 35 is normal. Agree, from the point of view of the corruption of our society, the elderly à la cowboy, saying in the voice of the movie hero: “Orphan, take a chocolate bar!”, and a woman actively trying to treat schoolchildren to ice cream, look very different in our eyes.

I think it’s also important to remember that the ability/need to give and give at different ages is different. Most likely, among older men there are those who believe that they can give young girls by virtue of their experience more than peers. And what book It is more grateful than copy.

Surely not everyone in life needs mentors, and not all mentors are able to leave their “students” enough personal space for the development of individuality. But to say that there are no worthy parties on this field is also stupid.



Sometimes psychologists and “public opinion” throw their hands out. When with a sufficiently large age difference They are completely normal and happy families. Yeah, those units. But they do exist, really! I sincerely admire Andrey Konchalovsky and Julia Vysotskaya, Vincent Kassel and Tina Kunaki, Gianluka Vacca and Sharon Fonseca. A mature man and a young girl - such tandems occur quite often.

But strong unions are possible, and when a woman is much older than a man. I read with delight about the family life of Alla Pugacheva and Maxim Galkin, Nadezhda Babkina and Evgeny Gore, Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron.



Of course, a trusting relationship with his father, his attention and showing care is mega-important! For a girl, a woman is probably a priority. But this is not the only branch of answers to the question of why the wrong gentlemen are always nailed to your shore. Take a closer look at what category they are. And that you subconsciously fill them in.

I’m sure in your life or in the lives of friends-acquaintances there have been such “experiments”. Tell us in the comments how it all ended. Very interesting.