From men a lot of letters about hysterical, or those whom they think such. To understand the heading of these letters are very interesting, there is whining from an external locus, mostly. "Ahh, so-and-SOS, I don't know what I want." Enough so you know what you want, guys, and clearly this line is adhered to.I wrote and I repeat: it is enough to make one pair of good boundaries and self-esteem. Second built.
And if it will be from time to time to sway, then after each such vacillation, your importance will grow. That is, the vacillation on the hand, if the boundaries are good.
Want to tell a few universal principles to tame the "bitch and hysterical". This category is usually referred to girls that swing from plus to minus like on a winged swing.
Now she likes in five minutes, despises, was recently satisfied, already unhappy, without any kind of reason, then laughing, then crying, and that it all falls on the head of her hapless Beau. This happens because of constant strokes here and there her self-esteem and locus. Here self-esteem soared high, and you are admired, and she is ready to kill you, or Vice versa, she fell into the pit, and you have not regretted, not even noticing the change, and she weeps from your cruelty
. Locus has swung in one direction and it's better than you knows everything, has swung in the other and she wants to get into your hands. And if you all these spins do not track, you will all do and say the wrong thing. Ogresti, respectively.Can think of it as manipulative, but she's genuinely crying and angry too.
If a girl is not anything special, no it won't want. But if she's suddenly beautiful, intelligent and talented, the mountain men. Fall in love with her easily, throw hard, and to withstand emotional swings-roundabouts — a hell of a must have patience. Throw hard and even the fact that when a girl shakes in the negative, she is beautiful and gentle, and when in plus, the fiend. It seems that to kill her is easier than to part with it.
How to tame? 1. The main thing — to observe the Golden rule of relationships. Remember him? Positive reinforcement is good, distance is in response to bad.
It is hysterical, the men begin to bend that rule, even if they generally complied with. In response to regular insults instead of distance (said goodbye and walked out of the snare came out on the phone gave) men start to either dicking around and give either a lecture or not pay attention. Well, let the screaming, and I'm a man and above that, so I will sit back and listen. Like a sheep. Or the opposite: can't listen to this, it is necessary to shut his mouth or pereorat her on the market. If you are above this and this to listen to, turn around and leave. Several times leaving the scale of the attacks will decrease dramatically or even goes to zero.
In all other cases will increase. In case the marketplace battle you will be to blame (I'm not talking about trying to physically shut her mouth, there will be trash). In the case of bandwidth on deaf ears, such treatment will become a habit, will be strengthened and will begin to be used even in relatively peaceful periods. You won't even notice as it would be under the baseboard. With a pretty hysterical to be trifled with. Therefore, only distance. Got up and went. If she immediately apologized, caught up with you or have written, repented, can return.
If not, call the next day for yourself, ask if everything was okay. If she's still offended, say sorry that she was so angry, but you you can't yell and call you in these words too.
Before leaving, leave the money on a taxi or due to the pay off. Offer to take her or conduct is not necessary, it is not five years. You should be very quick to distance themselves, not to listen further and not wrap around. Well, not run down in response, of course. Never. This is the only beautiful male behavior (and not only men, but men especially). Other not to think.
You yourself must be correct. You don't have to give a reason. Stay within the boundaries. Although the rule is valid even if you gave a reason. Still, hearing the abusive words in his direction you should go. To explain his behavior later.
No bitch in the world begins immediately with the garbage abuse in the relationship. First, she allows herself just to shout at you. Or call like a joke. If the trick is not just offensive enough to go, ask not to talk to you like that. Briefly and without threats and without the tirades on human rights. If she audaciously repeats or even increase the momentum, so she wants a scandal. Need to get up and leave. Let the rows with my friends and with my mom.
What happens at this point in her soul? She begins to hate you, then she becomes very sad, then she turns into a little girl who needs your support.You are the abuser and you are the Comforter, Yes. It happens to all of us who can't control his emotions and allows himself to get angry.
She can't deal with myself, and you showed self-control, means she wants to lean on you and give you control. It's simple. In 8 of 10 cases she'll write to you. Sometimes at first with resentment, then with a request to console. That last can be answered. But when I try to continue the disassembly, again distancing. Never read her notation and do not Express any hurt feelings. Do not be engaged in psychological exhibitionism with his girlfriend. My wife is sometimes, but not often. If she writes what happened after "sorry", answer "good" if she writes "I love you", reply "me too." Don't run to the whistle immediately, if it was written in an hour, tell me that you already go to sleep and you can meet tomorrow. But if she wrote immediately and apologized normally, you can return. That is, all good things should be supported and preferably quickly.
But if it's "sorry, mate, but you're a jackass", you don't need to answer.The principle is clear?2. The main thing is to stay within the boundaries.
Rule 1 applies to attacks on you, and attack is easier to prevent than to stop.There are a few taboos that men better remember to communicate not only hysterical, but also normal women.It is impossible to criticize:
1) the appearance of the woman (clothes and makeup sometimes, that hides its dignity), 2) her parents and children, 3) is generally better not to criticize anything, you're not the teacher. You cannot stand in the position of a psychologist, especially a sex therapist, God forbid you even if you are in the profession — they are, and even more so if not. It is impossible to argue with her in her area of competence, it is bad form. To argue in bad tone. Take it or listen in silence.Generally silence is not assent, this division boundaries. If you are silent, it does not mean "I agree", it means "I don't want to say anything on that." Only people with kids ' merge borders rush to argue about everything they disagree, because continuously strive for unanimity. People with good boundaries do not agree silently and discuss only on request and little. Assent is also not necessary. Agree, if not just agree and want to emphasize this. In other cases, it is sufficient to be an attentive listener, not to nod and not argue. The opinion voiced as fact.
That is your opinion, and you disagree it will not change. In the process your life — can be. In her opinion, you also do not strive to make an impact with words, actions — can be.
So you show much more self-respect and respect.
Respectful behavior allows you to prevent tantrums. That is, even the most horrible hysteric becomes calm, if you're in the borders, follow the bugs its edge, and when you try to attack you, cut yourself off. See, you can have a very strong temptation to kick her in response to the attack. Hard to joke, subtly to omit. Occasionally it is possible to afford, but often it leads to the fact that the woman accumulates resentment and at the most inopportune moment down on you. For example, when you walk down a dark street and she is lame, so you can't just abandon her and leave, on the contrary you should take her up on all the rules, and then it tells you "you're an asshole, with a normal guy I wouldn't have twisted my ankle!" What to say to that? Nothing. Silently deliver her home and leave. Here you are bound and can't leave immediately, it is against you.
Such tricks allow women, when earlier on you harbored evil. If you are courteous and polite, not angry women. And if I'm angry, tears of remorse filled and then fall in love with you stronger. Angel begin to count. So, with powerful wings and a beautiful, strong torso, light brow.
Here's what you need to know about women to men. If you someone dropped, well, humiliated somehow showed that you goof, what are you doing? Beat in the end, for example, right? If you are not a savage, not beat, but start weaknesses the offender to learn to respond to it symmetrically. They can score, but if he disappears from the horizon, and not around the nose. Shock news! Women are designed the same. They looks weak and soft, but they are too ambitious and too touchy. They don't like them lowered. They have other methods of revenge, but they are also angry when offended. If they have not yet recognized God in you, which can all, or acknowledged yesterday, but today looked closer, no, he is not God, they are trying to kick you in retaliation.
Secretly, sometimes unconsciously, even automatically, but with them, too, it happens. Therefore do not humiliate women. If you want to dominate, especially not humiliate never. If you have good boundaries, and so you will dominate.
Paired always the dominant one who has boundaries, this is the law. And yet the one whose Sz is higher, but it's roughly the same. Sz is always higher in someone who has boundaries. That is, simple rules.
Not to hurt and not to give the woman to stay within the boundaries, to follow their bugs, not to give insult you, distancing themselves, sincere repentance and good deeds respond to positive reinforcement, and make fewer promises, and the promises to perform. And again. Try not shlangovat without special needs. The hose almost always causes an increase of aggression and swing a rolling pin. So if you are not planning soon to get up and leave, not languate, and in response to tongs always say, "I can't take a hint. Tell me what you want?"
And answer said, but as short as possible. Don't say too much (then under investigation, any word can be used against you). That is, "Why can't I feel that you love me?" answer with, "I don't know why you don't feel. But I also wonder why?" Let her talk about herself, talk, and you listen to something mention. At the end say: "You're right, I love you." And that's all. No arguments about their subtle and complex mental organization, and their small, but very important offense is not necessary. If suddenly sometimes want her to complain, need to quickly take a selfie and see this hardened, wool, wolf, which you somehow took as a puppy.
Author: Marina Komissarova
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©