What you should know and be able before leaving to study in another city
From early childhood all the features of the regulation of human life entrusted to the mother or her Deputy: all those endless cross-dressing, celebrations, feeding, as well as the magical "kiss where it hurts", "have pity, I'm sad", "I'm bored, devil" and the other laying to sleep, while all around having fun. In norm the main objective of education — the gradual shifting of self-care on the owner.
That is, we assume that by three years the child already is able to feel the urge to go potty in five years can understand that he is hungry, make yourself a simple meal, features "I'm scared" from "I'm sick of ice cream", the school itself ensures that the portfolio was assembled, made lessons and at least one clean shirt was available. Yes, and features a clean shirt from the dirty.
In fact, we are now seeing second generation children have grown up not having the slightest idea about how is their life
Literally: where does the food on the table, what spells dirty clothes for the night turns into a why a headache or stomach...Hyper and anxiety of the parents leads to the fact that up to 12-13 years children lead and carry everywhere literally, "hand", the only obligation is declared study.
Girls to a lesser extent, boys generally do not know how to cook, to wash, to choose the products in the store, take care of your health. Therefore, the primary task in preparation for the departure from parental home, in my opinion, is not knowledge of objects and self-regulation skills, self-care and self support.
These are the three main skill Itself-that need to be taught to children prior to their departure from home.1. Self-regulation
For starters, ask yourself: I distinguish between "feel/sense"? That you answer the question "How are you?" and that — to the question "How do you feel?". In our language the first question suggests an answer about the mental state and the second on the physical. How are you today? I feel good, or sad, or I am anxious or in trouble, or I'm happy, I'm happy.
Most teenagers use the concepts of "norms" and "sucks"
Further, as is customary, follow different tips on how to get out of the state "sucks" and return to a state of "norms". Although you will agree, it sucks because no homework and remembered about this now, or bad, because girlfriend cut her wrists in the hospital right now, are shitty.So first our responsibility to teach the child to distinguish between their emotional States, name them correctly, to distinguish emotions from physiology.
That is, roughly speaking, do not try to fill the longing of wine, do not agree to go to the rink when you cough, "to get out, and you're sad." She's not sad, she is weak after illness. Ideally, do not confuse gastritis with panic attacks. Girls should know that PMS is not to panic, "Oh, nobody loves me, dying" every month. All, without exception, are obliged to know well contraception and to "bounces from the teeth" to learn the rules of safe sex.How to develop emotional intelligence of the child
It is very important to out of home young people were acquainted with the functioning of the organism in the medical sense. To the nurse's questions for the first examination in the student clinic did not put him to a standstill. "Mom! I was ill? A head injury was? And how I got this scar on the belly? They ask what kind of vaccinations. And in our family was crazy? Just kidding, it's not a doctor, it's the guys interested". For girls important information: they were sick of a rubella or not, and when, in case of an sudden pregnancy.
In General, dedicate the child into the intricacies of his life, for example: "When you are sick, you have the first day extremely high temperature helps ibuprofen/paracetamol in a certain form, then you are usually tears, and then you lie flat day, then all right." It would seem that all this happened to him not once, not twice, but children do not record and does not handle these events. There she will be taken care of.
Usually girls know, boys usually nothing at all.
The connection between the "late night in the morning in the eyes as the sand filled" is not obvious, it is necessary to install. Less well-known regularities of the type "if you drink liquid from a bottle on which is written the poison, sooner or later will feel unwell", "ate two pasties and Shawarma near the station — three days never left the toilet" as it turned out, require experimental confirmation on a large dataset. Once is clearly not enough.2. Self-service
What will be his school day? Woke up that late (because at home mom awakened for Breakfast is already served), a bullet flew, unwashed, unkempt, hungry. Dressed in that the evening (well, if) removed. Weather could change, but who pays attention to the weather! Most of my friends young people wear shorts and sneakers to serious snow, and then winter boots — up to the summer holidays. Because, as we all know, clothing is following mom. Plus or minus woke up to the second pair, I realized that already on the verge of a hungry faint, ran into the shop, bought a loaf of bread, no, three, no, five loaves and a bottle of coke, sort of relieved. Lunch — a Burger for dinner — a big mug of beer and ice cream. Lucky if there was a girl, she's a little monitors and directs. And even can gently hint that it's time to wash sweatshirt, and jeans already turn into a installation. To offer to clean your shoes modern children are about how to "light the stove and set the samovar".
You know what I mean? We, their hands grown the to the lives of young people.
We get so fixated on their studies and enroll in College, that we forget to teach them to take care of themselves, not to mention those who are near.
So I suggest consistently and persistently to accustom children of both sexes to care for themselves. The ultimate goal — full self-service by the time of graduation. Wash, buy clothes, food, cosmetics, cooking — all this teen can and should do yourself.
Take it with you shopping, discuss different brands of tools for dishes, learn the correct use of funds not to fall for all sorts of marketing tricks to get discounts and special offers. Sign it on the beautiful men's magazine Men's Health, and girls too, it's full of all sorts of hacking and instructions class "porridge from axe", "what to do when poisoned with stale vodka", "10 ways to look good, although we spent the night in the garbage."
How to teach a child to take care of yourself
In fact, this is one of the greatest fears of a man standing on the threshold of his home with a knot on the shoulder: who will take care of me? It's silent because of ridicule, but you wouldn't believe how many boys and girls confessed to me in this as the primary obstacle to independent living.
In addition, it is very important to teach children to allocate time for all these exercises. After all, if you waited on him entirely to "not take away time from lessons", he may not even know that washing by hand is about an hour. Cooking another hour. And purchase products for a week — an hour and a half.Therefore will not be reserving time and energy for these uninteresting things.3. Self-supportWhat do you do when you have problems? Call friends/girlfriends. Are you searching for information on the Internet? Comforted by the chocolate or beer? Does your child know how adults treat a variety of life's difficulties? What's his repertoire of self-support?
Well, if you have at least a basic understanding of personality types. Because for one person to rest, need to get out more, change of scenery, take a look and sway among the lights and sounds (extroverts), and the other to be alone in silence and tinkered in the closet (introverts). Someone needs a hug, tea with cookies and a warm blanket, and someone must from time to time to take a feat to gain the applause and admiration.(Found in the network book "Five languages of love", "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", "Project Happiness," the study, shoved children. Boys can slip the extraction and summary).
You know this about your child? And he knows?
My three children are almost 3D-model: one needs order, peace and communication with close friends, the other — a lot of events and activities, third — adoring audience and someone in need of his care nearby. And I spent a lot of time to learn these energy sources find.
Unfortunately, if the girls still somehow learn the art of self-care, men are required to do this function the mother or girlfriend/wifeThe maximum that they are allowed cultural tradition — aggressively complain about life.
All. While on others it is possible and even desirable. But pay attention to your health, mood, desire is Fi, it is unmanly.
So, what we've got in result:
The main problem we have as parents to prepare the child for independent life in today's environment.He should be able to handle money, to take care of your health, appearance and the environment.
Well, if a young person has knowledge about psychology —both your own and people in General.It's much more important than exam scores in math, social studies and chemistry. But for some reason it is not taught in school. We will have to yourself.
I want you to reassure and support, to say that all will be well, children grow up, their life somehow will work out. Yes, it will be hard and at times very sad. And it was difficult, so we are breaking their butts trying to spread not even straw, and downy pillows everywhere. But they must pass it yourself, the experience of others can not be assigned. But they are proud of their achievements! And how significantly is arriving their strength is when are able to overcome, to cope, to be able.Do not deprive them of these victories, these future memories, these stars on the fuselage. Otherwise, they will boast only in the virtual life.
Author: Katerina Demina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©