Are you familiar with this situation: a son or daughter disobeyed, caused accidents, did so, as in principle, and tend to do the kids is irresponsible and possibly dangerous.In response, you reacted emotionally, which surprised not only the child, but also himself.
Then, when he caught his breath, began to think, what is it you found....
And begin to experience guilt, shame, helplessness...
What to do next - not very clear. You can completely lay the blame on the child, and tell yourself that he's brought, you can go and apologize. Only here NOT to DO it again very problematic...
So how can that be?
I propose a technique that seems very simple in form, very adequate, very working. This method 5 steps Muriel okay, shiffman, Gestalt therapist, a student of A. Maslow and F. Perls.
Okay, shiffman calls the method self-therapy, really emphasizing that helps this method sufficient for people who do not suffer serious problems in mental health.
I think it can apply to all, just someone is not enough self-therapy to solve their problems. Need and work with a specialist — psychologist, psychotherapist.What is the method?
As I said, we are talking about the unconscious "substrate", which blasts or inhibits us in a completely non-stress, it would seem, situations. When we react in an excessive and not adequately to the situation, when out of nowhere a lot of anger, resentment, tears, heartache.
What kind of "substrate"?
It is our unexamined childhood trauma that has been forgotten by us, but continue to actively influence us and our lives by stealth, without giving us the ability to understand and catch the "agent" of our past at the crime scene.
The meaning of technology is to catch the enemy and warn of the inadequacy and excessiveness. And, eventually, to identify habitual behavior pattern and to cease to use it.
So, the method:Step 1. To recognize an inappropriate response.
The first step is to recognize an inappropriate response, to realize that it was excessive, was not appropriate that the experience many bodily symptoms — headache, stomach, hard to breathe, pounding heart. Physical symptoms are a marker of hidden feelings, those feelings that you are afraid to feel and even to admit them.Step 2. All external emotion.
It is sometimes difficult to admit that the act of a small child caused such rage in you, but it needs to be done. To understand and name this feeling, even if you convince yourself that nothing happened.
If you cannot remember the feeling you felt, it needs to warm up, finding the appropriate ears. Ask someone not criticizing and not giving advice just to listen to you. When you start to talk about the event, emotions will rise by themselves. Sometimes instead of feeling, you may remember a headache or other bodily symptom... Then you have little to explore, to think, and what is BEHIND them. When he had a headache, what about before, how I feel, what happened then?Step 3. What else I felt? What a different feeling I experienced just before external feeling?
No external emotion, and one that lasted a matter of moments, and so could escape your attention; one that was silenced immediately as the external emotion prevailed. Good focus, and you will be able to remember just like remember later what he saw the corner of his eye, at that moment, barely aware that you saw it. For example, immediately before the development of the external emotions of anger, you could feel a sudden fear.Step 4. What this reminds me of?
What comes to mind when thinking about the situation and their reactions to it? When reacted in a similar way? What thoughts, images, or perhaps sounds come to mind? When something similar happened to you?
If you can't break through, try to see the situation through different eyes — the eyes of another person, concrete or abstract. Think about what impression your actions in this situation make on the other. How they were regarded?
At this stage you don't have to therapeutical,you just need to find the hidden emotion.
And if You find it, among others it will provide a strong physiological reaction — shortness of breath, palpitations. If it is really that hidden emotion you were looking for, it will be at least equal to the external emotions with which you started, and then greatly exceed it in strength.Step 5. To determine the pattern.
We are not talking about the basic pattern of personality or something equally global. Just try to understand what happened in this case. Now, when you felt hidden emotion, you will probablyspanadaand other times when the temptation of the forbidden feelings you (not realizing it) kept him with the same external emotion
. It is possible with sufficient share of confidence to say that this will happen again. It's unlikely that you'll "be healed" from hidden feelings simply because once experienced.
But that gives you some freedom or hope of release from torment, but recurring situations. These recurring situations and your reactions to them torturing not only you but also your loved ones, at the same time, no matter how violent your reactions in these situations were not, they don't change your relationship and your life for the better.Just because they are not about today and not about tomorrow. They are about yesterday.
This is baggage that pulls the hands, and no benefit. They must be eliminated. published
Author: Lyudmila Kolobovskaya
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©