Circles of proximity: Diagnosis of what is happening in my life

After meeting with Merilin Murray in her book "Prisoner of another war" I came to the training, which was conducted by the student Marillyn we have in the city. The training was about intimacy, about how we live with our families and friends, in fact, very in the distance. And what keeps us together, and how, after all, to become closer to themselves, to spouses, to children, to parents. And how to keep their boundaries.

In this training I learned about this wonderful tool as: "Circles of intimacy, responsibility and influence", about which I will tell you.

So, here's the template:

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and place in it everything that You are close. It can be people, animals, things, work, Hobbies. Do it spontaneously, as comes to mind.

Now here's what really needs to happen in Your life. Here's how it looks:

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1st circle Central - there is only You and God. You — because this whole life is yours, you are the main actor of your life, which is written in conjunction with God. In this context, please do not strain atheists. Place instead of "God" in the first round of "Conscience", "Reality", what do You think runs everything in this world. God must be present as a support and non-judgmental loving and accepting Parent figure.

The 2nd and the circle - for the husband/wife who you share a bed. Therefore, parents and children within that circle talking about problems with psychological incest. If the spouse is not — this place should be empty and not busy. Then sooner or later it can come partner.

2nd b round - there must be minor children who live with you.

3rd round — adult children and parents. The separation problem is solved.

4, 5, 6 circles is circles for friends, work, Hobbies, Pets many things that filled your life.

On lead single questionnaire, which will help you work with the model of "Circles of intimacy."

How to deal with those who are included in rounds 2 and 3.


1. The relationship with this person safe?

2. Ready(a) whether I'm with him to stay sensitive and vulnerable person?

3. Do I trust this person?

4. Honest with me is this man?

5. Whether the relationship with that person one-sided?

6. We tell each other about their feelings?

7.If we respect each other?

8. If you care about each other?

9.Does this relationship benefit both?

10. Whether it was nice to be around this person?

11. Happy is this person the opportunity to be with me?

12. Does this man that he was pleased to see me?

13. Can I close with him to stay "Natural child"?

14. This man cheers me up and motivates me to when I was(a) the "Natural child"?

15. With this person I satisfied(a)/relaxed(a) or feeling the stress/anxiety?

16.Are we of interest to each other?

17. What is the history of our relationship? If we shared with each other for a long time, the joy/sadness/interests?

18. What we have in common?

19.Do we have common values?

20.How often do we communicate?

But as is sometimes the case:

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What can we say about this model?

  • The first is the codependent relationships in the family, where the wife is not present in your own life. But it is a lot in the life of her husband.
  • If the daughter is an adult, she takes his place, and the place of her husband. Here the possible "psychological incest", such girls may forever remain in the parental home or to run from it in married.
  • The work is not the destined place, occupying the position of the minor child. Sometimes in this situation, no kids at all, because there are replacing them — work. To kill and to die on the job in this case is very simple. And the feeling of injustice that recognize and promote can also be very strong.
  • Mother is in the right place in a woman's life.

There is this tool special feature — proximity measures... When you feel an imbalance in what is happening in your life, you can do this test and see a clear picture of your existence. To draw conclusions and to engage in reconstruction of life. Being a psychologist himself. And of course, I wish that your life was in their seats, especially you!  published 


Author: Lyudmila Kolobovskaya

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©



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