Very often in work and in private life faced with problems of infidelity, often with the male. Women come with their suspicions or swim on the surface of a cheating husband.
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In this topic, my goal is to stay tolkona one aspect of this problem, gaslighting.
For a better understanding of the term and process that has been called "gaslighting" little about the film «Gaslight» American historical film George cukor (1944) with Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer and Joseph Cotto. Based on the play by Patrick Hamilton"angel Street" (1938).
Victorian England. In a house strangled Opera prima infused the young heir with her husband. The head of the family often leaves the wife alone, and after an equal pause after it exits the light gas horns slowly begins to weaken.
Sex is a beautiful impressionable girl with a beautiful voice but not much — married her long-time accompanist and settled with him in the house where she lived in childhood and where witnessed the terrible murder of her aunt, a famous actress. Murder mystery and the fate of the missing jewelry is still not disclosed.
The gloomy atmosphere of the house is starting to get to the Floor, she practically ceases to go out. Everything else it seems that in the evenings, the house is a little dimming of the gas light, and the empty boarded-up attic above her head, heard quiet noises and footsteps. Paul feels that is crazy…
Inspector Brian Cameron, an admirer of the late actress, shaken by the external similarity of the two women, begins to watch the house, gradually making sure that the events associated with the crime 10 years ago…
From the name of the movie Gaslight educated in the English language the term "gaslighting». This type of psychological violence, consisting in the manipulation with the objective of spreading the individual's doubts about the reality of what is happening and the validity of their own perception of reality. Under the influence of gaslighting a person begins to see themselves as crazy. Wikipedia.
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As gaslighting "works" in a situation of infidelity?
The wife begins to feel that there is something not appear strange behavior of her husband. He can disappear from home, go on business trips more often than before, to stay longer at work, carrying everywhere with a telephone, lose interest in sex or become more passionate than before.
All of this is not clear to the wife, she doesn't know what these changes mean, it disturbs her and she starts to talk about it with my husband. Husband denies it, often with these words: "You all up", "You think", "Nothing happens", "I'm Just tired, I have problems at work", "Go head-treat".
The wife there are several options — to accept what she really sees what is not and start to destroy yourself, trust your feelings, faith in yourself. Or to go further, to follow her husband, looking for evidence. In this case, it can maintain internal consistency, although self-esteem inevitably poteryaet in weight, and you have to solve something with marriage.
What each decides for itself.
Those who choose to go to the end and to verify his suspicions very often say that they get easier, they begin to understand, retrospectively, what the situation was, what kind of reaction. Everything falls into place. The woman begins to understand that she can trust yourself, your feelings that she's not crazy, that she was okay.
Those for whom the truth is scarier than the unknown, unable to live in it, often destroyed physically, starting to cometesimals or find drugoy method of escapism — alcohol, relationships and other dependencies.
I'm listening to these stories, I remember Clarissa Estes and her bleeding key from the tale of Bluebeard. I think that gaslighting — sophisticated and heavy in its consequences, the psychological violence that destroy not only relationships, but also the woman...
When the secret is revealed, it often happens that a woman is harder to forgive than the cheating, and the fact that for a long time it fooled crazy.
Of course, I would like to end by saying that love, intimacy and trust are to refrain from adultery. Perhaps this is naive, because people often change not in order to hurt the spouse, but for quite different reasons. And yet. published