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12 Signs a Girl Is Undermining Your Self-Esteem
The reason for your low self-esteem may not be what qualities you have, but what does the girl with whom you build a relationship.
Self-esteem is the foundation of our personality, the basis of how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world around us. But what happens when the closest person systematically undermines that foundation? Psychologists call this behavior an emotional abuse, and its consequences can be devastating for mental health.
A 2023 study by the American Psychological Association found that 35 percent of men experienced psychological abuse in a romantic relationship. Many people did not realize that their self-esteem was being systematically attacked.
It's important to understand: Toxic behavior in relationships is not always obvious. It may masquerade as caring, jealousy, or a desire to “help get better.” Recognizing these patterns is the first step to protecting your mental health.
Anatomy of psychological impact
Before understanding the specific signs of destructive behavior, it is important to understand the mechanisms of influence on self-esteem. Psychologists have identified several key strategies that manipulators use to undermine a partner’s confidence.
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious techniques in which the victim is forced to doubt his own perception of reality. Isolation from friends and family deprives support and alternative perspectives. Constant criticism forms a negative internal dialogue that becomes automatic over time.
12 warning signs
1 She constantly criticizes your appearance
Healthy criticism in relationships is constructive and loving. But if your partner regularly makes comments about your weight, clothing style, hairstyle, or other aspects of your appearance, that’s a serious red flag. This behavior gradually forms complexes and makes you constantly doubt your attractiveness.
An example from life: Maxim says his girlfriend made remarks every day about his "beer tummy," even though he was in great physical shape. Six months later, he stopped going to the beach and avoided intimacy.
2 It devalues your achievements
Get a promotion at work? “Well, they just had no one else to choose.” Won the competition? “Lucky the competition was weak.” Such reactions are not accidental - they are aimed at ensuring that you do not feel proud of your successes and continue to depend on her assessment.
3 She compares you to other men
Constant comparisons with ex-partners, colleagues, friends, or even stars create a sense of inferiority. “Andrey from the next department is so successful,” “Do you remember my ex?” He was much more romantic" - phrases like this slowly but surely destroy self-confidence.
4 She uses gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which the abuser causes the victim to doubt their own memories, perceptions and sanity. “You invented it,” “It never happened,” “You have a memory problem” – these phrases should be a wake-up call.
5 She isolates you from friends and family
It all starts innocently: "Your friends are so stupid," "Your mother doesn't understand me." Gradually, meetings with loved ones become a source of conflict, and you begin to avoid them. Isolation is a classic technique of manipulators, depriving the victim of support and alternative opinions.
6 She controls your finances
Financial control can be manifested in a variety of ways, from demands to account for each spending to attempts to restrict access to one’s own money. This creates dependency and a sense of helplessness, undermining the sense of autonomy and adulthood.
7 She does not support your passions and dreams
A healthy relationship implies mutual support for the interests of the partner. If she constantly ridicules your hobbies, calls your dreams “childish” or interferes with your favorite thing, this is a serious reason to think about the quality of the relationship.
8 She uses silence as punishment
Ignorance is a passive-aggressive form of psychological abuse. Instead of openly discussing issues, she simply stops talking to you, creating an atmosphere of tension and uncertainty. It makes you constantly wonder what is wrong and feel guilty.
9 She Demands Continuous Apology
Do you apologize even when you don't know what you're guilty of? It's an alarming sign. Manipulators often create situations in which the partner feels guilty by default, which undermines confidence in their own rightness and adequacy.
Remember: Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect. If you constantly feel guilty or inferior around your partner, it’s not your problem, it’s a relationship problem.
10 She publicly humiliates you
Mockery, criticism, or revealing personal secrets in the presence of others is a form of public humiliation. Such behavior not only undermines self-esteem, but also destroys social status, making one feel defenseless and vulnerable.
11 She denies your emotions
“You are too sensitive”, “Men should not cry”, “You exaggerate” – such phrases devalue your experiences and make you suppress emotions. This leads to emotional alienation and loss of connection with your own feelings.
12 She threatens to break up a relationship
Constant threats to leave or find someone better create a chronic sense of anxiety and insecurity. You start walking on the razor blade, afraid to do something wrong. It is emotionally draining and makes you live in constant fear of loss.
How to restore self-esteem
Awareness of the problem is half the solution. If you recognize yourself in these situations, it is important to understand that restoring self-esteem is a process that takes time and effort.
The recovery algorithm:
- Recognize that there is a problem
- Seek support from friends, family or psychologist
- Start keeping an emotional diary to track patterns
- Reconnect with the people who support you
- Engage in activities that bring pleasure and a sense of achievement
- If necessary, consider ending a toxic relationship
Studies show that people who leave toxic relationships, on average, regain normal self-esteem within 6-12 months, provided they actively work on themselves and receive support.
When you need professional help
Sometimes the consequences of psychological abuse are so serious that they require the intervention of a specialist. See a psychologist if:
- You're having suicidal thoughts.
- You experience panic attacks or severe anxiety
- It's hard to make even simple decisions.
- You lost interest in anything that used to bring joy.
- Have trouble sleeping, appetite or concentration
Conclusion
A healthy relationship should strengthen your self-esteem, not destroy it. If you feel worse next to your partner than alone, this is a serious reason to reconsider the relationship. Remember: you deserve love, respect and support. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Recovering self-esteem is not only an opportunity to feel valued again, but also a chance to build truly healthy relationships in the future. Investing in your mental health always pays off.
Glossary
gaslighting
A form of psychological abuse in which the abuser causes the victim to doubt their own perception of reality, memory, and reason.
Emotional abuse
Systematic psychological influence aimed at undermining self-esteem, confidence and emotional well-being of a partner.
Toxic relationships
A destructive relationship in which one or both partners exhibit behavior that is harmful to mental or physical health.
Isolation.
A control strategy in which the abuser gradually distances the victim from friends, family, and other sources of support.
Manipulation
Hidden psychological influence to force a person to act against their interests or desires.
Self-esteem
A person’s overall assessment of their own worth, including beliefs about themselves and emotional states associated with self-perception.
Passive aggression
Indirect expression of negative feelings through behavior that avoids direct confrontation (ignorance, sabotage, hidden hostility).
