8 Ways to Know What You Really Need to Be Happy

In the pursuit of happiness, we are often trapped in materialism, social expectations, and superficial notions of what makes us truly happy. We buy things, build a career, maintain relationships, but often the inner emptiness remains. Why? Because we don’t always understand what we’re missing. This path to understanding begins with deep introspection and an honest look inside.
Happiness is not a destination or a material object. It is rather the ability to fully live every moment of life, being in harmony with yourself and the world around you. The first step is to understand what your soul really needs.

Modern psychological research shows that the ability to identify your true needs is directly related to your level of life satisfaction. According to the Institute for Positive Psychology, people who know exactly what they lack for happiness are 68 percent more likely to achieve psychological well-being.
1. Deep Introspection: Talking to Yourself
The first and perhaps most important step to understanding your true needs is to learn how to practice introspection. It is not just a reflection on the past day before bedtime, but a systematic and structured process of introspection.
Three-issue method
Developed by psychologist Martin Seligman, the three-question method helps to penetrate the deep layers of the subconscious and reveal hidden needs:

1. What makes me feel really alive? Remember the moments when you experienced complete immersion in the process, lost track of time and felt inner fullness.
2. What do I do when I need to regain my strength? Pay attention to your natural ways of healing—they often point to deep needs.
3. What do I dream about when I allow myself to dream freely? Uncensored dreams reveal your true aspirations, unconstrained by social expectations.

“Your true self does not shout about itself; it whispers. Learn to listen to this whisper amidst the noise of everyday life. - Carl Jung.

By practicing this introspection regularly (researchers recommend setting aside a minimum of 15 minutes each day), you will begin to notice patterns and themes that indicate your true needs. It’s important to record your thoughts in a diary – written reflection increases the efficiency of the process by 40%, according to research from the University of Cambridge.
2. Mapping Emotions: What Your Feelings Say
Our emotional responses are a compass that indicates that a situation fits or doesn’t match our true needs. However, modern lifestyles often lead to emotional detachment when we stop noticing or acknowledging our feelings.
Emotional scanning technique
The method, developed by neuropsychologist Antonio Damasio, helps reconnect with the emotional body:

• Daily emotional check-in: Identify three moments during the day (morning, afternoon, evening) when you pause for a minute and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”
• Body scan: Pay attention to the physical manifestations of emotions – where the body feels tension, heat, lightness or heaviness.
• Non-evaluative acceptance: Recognize any emotions that arise without trying to change or condemn them.

Studies show that people with high levels of emotional intelligence are 58% more accurate in determining their true needs and 72% more effective in meeting them. Regular practice of emotional scanning helps to develop so-called “emotional literacy” – the ability to recognize, name and understand your emotional states.
Pay special attention to situations that cause disproportionately strong emotional reactions. They often point to unmet underlying needs or internal conflicts requiring resolution.

3. Time perspective: a view from the future
Our perception of time greatly influences our understanding of our own needs. The “temporary perspective” technique, developed by psychologist Philip Zimbardo, allows you to go beyond short-term desires and see deeper, long-term needs.
The practice of writing from the future
This powerful technique helps activate the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for long-term planning and understanding of the consequences of:

1. Set aside 30 minutes in a calm environment.
2. Imagine yourself 10 years from now living a perfect, satisfying life.
3. Write a letter to your present self on behalf of your future self. Describe what your life looks like, what you do, what surrounds you, what relationships you maintain.
4. Pay special attention to the description of what makes you happy in this future and what decisions led to this result.

Neurobiological studies show that this projection into the future activates the same areas of the brain as the actual experience of the described events. This helps us to literally “feel” the future and identify what needs are really important in the long run.
“We often overestimate what we can achieve in a year and underestimate what we can achieve in a decade. Writing from the future helps you see the true scale of opportunities and needs. Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology at Harvard University

4. The reverse engineering technique of happiness
This method is based on the analysis of past moments of happiness to identify patterns and common elements that make us happy. This is a practical way to “decipher” your own happiness.
Algorithm for analyzing happy moments

• Make a list: Think about 10 to 15 times in your life when you were really happy.
• Decomposition of factors: For each moment, write down all the components – where you were, with whom, what you were doing, what was your physical and emotional state.
• Pattern search: Analyze the list and find recurring elements – you may notice that most happy moments are related to creativity, connecting with certain people, nature, or overcoming challenges.
• Prioritization: Rank the factors identified by their impact on your happiness.

Research in the field of positive psychology confirms the effectiveness of this method: the analysis of already experienced positive states allows you to predict with an accuracy of 83% what will make a person happy in the future. This is far more accurate than theoretical assumptions or conventional wisdom about happiness.
An important nuance: pay attention not only to the event itself, but also to the internal state that it caused you. Often the same factor (such as speaking in public) can make one person happy and another deeply unhappy. The key is to understand your unique reactions.

5. Minimalization and Essentialism
Modern consumerism tells us that happiness requires more—more things, more accomplishments, more connections. But research on happiness shows the opposite: too much choice and material objects often become a source of stress and dissatisfaction.
Practices of conscious refusal
The method is based on Greg McKeon’s concept of essentialism and Cal Newport’s principles of digital minimalism.

1. Experiment with exception: For 30 days, consistently exclude various elements from life - social networks, news portals, optional purchases, unnecessary meetings.
2. Status fixation: Notice how your health, energy levels, and overall happiness change after each exclusion.
3. Selective return: At the end of the period, return to your life only those elements that really increase your level of happiness and correspond to deep values.

Psychological research shows that the practice of mindful refusal leads to what psychologists call “cognitive load reduction” – a decrease in the number of decisions we make on a daily basis. Not only does this reduce stress levels by 34 percent, it also frees up mental resources to focus on what matters.

It is not what makes us rich that we have, but what we can happily do without. Epicurus.

6. Method of alternative scenarios
We often find ourselves trapped in one scenario without questioning the assumptions that will make us happy. A method of alternative scenarios developed by cognitive psychologists helps to expand the understanding of possible sources of happiness.
Parallel Life Technique

• Make a list of 5-7 alternative life choicesThey are very different from your current path. For example: life in another country, another profession, another type of relationship.
• Describe in detail for each scenarioWhat would your normal day look like, what kind of people would you talk to, what problems would you solve?
• Think about each scenario. for a few minutes, paying attention to the emotions.
• Highlight the elements Alternative scenarios that evoke the strongest positive emotions.

Research in neuroplasticity suggests that this practice of imagination activates the same neural patterns as real-world experience. This allows you to “test” various life scenarios and identify those needs that remain unmet in the current life, but could significantly increase the level of happiness.
Important discovery: Often people find that the source of happiness in alternative scenarios is not external factors (status, location), but the quality of the experience (autonomy, creativity, deep connections with people) – something that can potentially be integrated into current life.

7. Value audit technique
Our values form the basis for decision-making and life satisfaction. However, actual actions often fall short of stated values, creating internal conflict and a sense of emptiness.
Method of identifying true values

1. Time audit: During the week, record how your time is spent (up to 30 minutes).
2. Cost analysis: Analyze your spending in the last 3 months by category.
3. Emotional tracking: Note what activities cause you the strongest positive emotions.
4. Comparison: Compare the data with your declared values. Where are the greatest differences?

According to the research of psychologist Shalom Schwartz, the founder of the theory of basic human values, the gap between declared and realized values is one of the main predictors of psychological discomfort. People who live in harmony with their true values have 47 percent higher subjective well-being scores.
“Do not ask yourself what the world wants. Ask yourself what makes you feel alive and do it. Because the world needs people who come to life. – Howard Thurman

8. Method of social triangulation
Sometimes we are too close to the situation to assess our needs objectively. The social triangulation method uses external viewpoints to get a more complete picture.
The Three Mirrors Technique

• Choose three people. from different areas of your life who know you well and whose opinions you trust.
• Ask them three questions:
  
  1. In what situations do I look the happiest and most energetic?
  2. What do you think my strengths are not being used enough?
  3. If you could give me one piece of advice about what would make me happier, what would you say?
• Analyze the answersLook for recurring themes and insights.

Research in social psychology shows that external observers often notice patterns in our behavior that we are not aware of. This phenomenon, known as the “blind spot” in self-perception, can be offset through feedback from people who see us in different contexts.
Important point: for objective results, choose people from different areas of your life (work, family, friends) and with different types of relationships with you. This will provide a multilateral perspective and help to identify needs that manifest themselves in all contexts.

Conclusion: Integrating discovery into everyday life
Understanding what we really lack for happiness is not a one-off exercise, but a continuous process of self-discovery. Modern neurobiological research confirms that our brain is constantly adapting and developing, and with it our needs change.
The most effective approach is to combine the described methods and regularly review the results. Studies show that people who systematically analyze their needs and adjust their life course according to their insights show a 62% higher level of life satisfaction after five years.
Remember that happiness is not an end state, but a process of continually aligning external circumstances with internal needs. And the first step to that alignment is to have a deep understanding of what you really lack for the fullness of life.

Glossary
Introspection is the systematic observation of one’s own mental processes, including thoughts, feelings and motivations, in order to study and understand them.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions, and to recognize and interact with others’ emotions effectively.
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to change its structure and function in response to experience, learning, and external influences throughout life.
Cognitive load is the amount of mental resources needed to complete a task or process information; excessive cognitive load leads to mental exhaustion and reduced thinking efficiency.
Essentialism is a philosophy and a practical approach that focuses on highlighting what is really important and necessary and excluding everything secondary.
Subjective well-being is the scientific term for what is commonly referred to as happiness; it includes life satisfaction, positive emotions, and low levels of negative emotions.
Value conflict is a contradiction between different values of a person or between his values and actions, leading to inner tension and discomfort.
Social triangulation is a method of gaining a more objective understanding of a situation or personality by comparing different points of view.

Sources: Research by the Positive Psychology Institute, the work of Martin Seligman, Antonio Damasio, Philip Zimbardo, Daniel Gilbert, Greg McKeon, Cal Newport and Shalom Schwartz.