Counseling: what to do if your husband is a slob Bashny.Net

Tediousness husband is not cause for divorce. But this trait can bring to a white heat even the most patient



Nerds fixated on one thought, they are not flexible, do not know how to compromise, and this is the peculiarity of their nervous system. Boring is not amenable to rehabilitation, but to get along with him, says the candidate of psychological Sciences associate Professor msupe Maria Radionova.


Palette types

Rigidno-aggressive nerd – has epileptic nature is prone to stubbornness, self-centeredness. Gets her way, come what may. About such talk – "it is easier to surrender than to explain that you don't want to."

A typical situation: he wants to watch football, says about the new team, the Champions League does not release the remote control from her hands... and hears your request to give you watch the show.

Positive qualities: his dedication, she gives him an extra chance for quick career growth. A few more years and your old man, rising through the ranks, will be able to buy you coat or treat other expensive gift. In addition, the straightness is not as bad in family life. At any moment you know what your husband wants.

How to live with it? This better to give up immediately or hit him with something heavy on the head. And you can translate his attention to it: "why would you..." Perhaps, this reshuffle will force him to change target. You can offer a barter – I'll give you, but you'll do so-and-so. Sometimes the prospect to wash the mountain of dishes or take the mother to the country stops, even the nerds.

Boring-melancholic – has psychoasthenic character. At the heart of its tediousness is the alarm. He unconsciously wants to be, wants to reassure him. But to reassure the real arguments.

"Melancholy is a disease"?

Fulfill your potential with this temperament is much more complicated.
Characterized by unstable moods, with a predominance of pessimism, deep and long experience their problems and failures. It is very difficult to adapt to the environment, are closed and communication. The behavior often exhibit hysteria, seek to escape from any difficulties. They are very touchy to any criticism. They generally underestimate their abilities. In relation to business optimism often alternates with pessimism. The pursuit of goals then strong, then weak, while avoiding obstacles.They often change their interests easily influenced. Prone to subtle observations. Around sees only the bad, dangerous.
Man melancholic temperament attaches great importance to everything that relates to him, been able to find the causes for concern and drew attention to the difficulties. Melancholic hardly makes a promise, for it can not be executed, but doubts whether to do it. And all this he is not due to moral reasons, and the fact that the opposite gives him trouble, and that's why he becomes anxious, distrustful and full of doubt, and because of this and a little susceptible to fun. When this mood becomes melancholic usual, he loses his sense of humanity, for those who have to do without joy, is unlikely to wish it different.

A typical situation: you're going on holiday, before departure of the train for four hours. If you consider that station you get half an hour and all the suitcases are at the door, you still have time to take a shower, drink tea and chat finally with a friend. But unless you give it a bore husband? Early in the morning he spins around collected things, forcing you to unpack and re-pack suitcases. "Did you take my razor? Check, please," "a cure for motion sickness? Look..." And now he just pushes you out the door. "Taxi to catch in our area is difficult...", "In the center of the tube...", "what if the car breaks down?"

Positive qualities: he's never going to prove something by force, it is easier for an hour or two to complain to you over the ear. And, quite importantly, he is a faithful man. He has so many anxieties and worries with you, which he can't about the affair on the side. If a woman and tries to flirt with him, he simply do not notice.

How to live with it? Humor is the best antidote for anxiety. Laugh at his fears. But not over him! Melancholic very vulnerable people.

Hidden bore closed man, not able to Express the problem straight. At the heart of its tediousness is the discontent wife, a situation at work, weather or politics. And first available to him under the hand of the person, often the wife becomes the scapegoat. Internal discontent is expressed in the endless NIT-picking.

A typical situation: you have noticed that often left all over the apartment with a half-full Cup of tea? "When was that?" – puzzled you ask. "The day before yesterday on the coffee table, and by the way, there are some marks on the polished," says the nerd husband.

Positive qualities: this person pays attention to detail, and his attention is open to not only your weaknesses but also your preferences and desires. You mentioned that you love cornflowers and chamomile? On the day of birth it will give you a bouquet of wild flowers.

How to live with it? First of all to understand what he's actually unhappy. If he is unhappy that you are paying him little attention, take note of this. If the cause of his suffering weather or politics, scold the government – let off steam – or Obratite favorable forecast for the weekend. At least for the time stop nitpicking at the smallest things.

He's boring, you...

... phlegmatic. Your pair lucky. You can ignore, do not respond to the daily negativity. But the danger lies in the fact that the lack of reaction can cause even more aggression from aggressive boring and more desperate the melancholic. Sometimes pay for her husband's attention or at least pretend that you care about his problem.

... sanguine. You will find a compromise with the same tenacity with which you dopekat husband. The process can take a long time, and the outcome will depend on who will be more stubborn. But your marriage would in any case be long.

... hot-headed. You explode immediately. It's for the best. A violent reaction may frighten a nerd, and he for a while forgets about his claim, consoling you. To let off steam is a good way out of the conflict, but do not forget that the reason left.

... melancholic. You will be hard. Aggressive you are willing to surrender immediately. With covert fall into despair of its imperfection. A boring-melancholic will infect you with its alarm. Will save you only a sense of humor.

Personal opinion

Edward Truhmenev:

– Frankly, I'm a nerd. So treat this type of man well. Don't know how in family life, but in the actor's attention to detail, introspective, meticulous is a big help. In General, ideal for a family Union I think a state when two people without words understand each other. But this Golden mean in the relations difficult to achieve. This is the ideal.