Most of us like to help others. This is not surprising because for many people (especially women) qualities such as caring, responsiveness, reliability and willingness to help are an integral part of the personality. But if we say Yes too often and taking on too many commitments, we will something a lot of problems.
First, we all need at least a little time on your own life and solving their own problems. Sometimes we need to focus on what is important for us, not for others, and this applies not only work, but also friends, and even personal life. It's okay if you sometimes have to deny your friends and colleagues:
you will not become fluffy selfish, refusing to perform something that you have no time.Second, by agreeing to help, we are more selfish than it seems
(even if we have good intentions). After all, if we agree, wanting to seem better and more responsive, we take on obligations that may not be able to perform. Only out of fear to say “no”, we can deliver a person much more problems, because it will already be to count on us. It is better to refuse at once, than to promise and not perform.
And here it should be noted that women generally are between two fires, because according to sociological research, women often expect that they will agree to help. So, if a woman agrees to help is take for granted and do not always Express the proper gratitude. But if she refuses — condemn it. It turns out that many women who are too susceptible to public opinion have constantly engaged in other people's problems, because sometimes society simply doesn't expect them failure. But if they agree and not deliver what they promise, they poured a new stream of convictions.
And what now, all the time to say “Yes” to not offend people? This can hardly be considered a viable long-term strategy. Will have to learn to say “no”, even in cases when we really want to help, but just can't do it.
Here are some tips.1. Determine for yourself the line from which you begin to say “no”.
That is, upon hearing the request of another, you may help the person, but ask yourself: if I agree to help now, in any case, I can refuse to help?2. Remember the man who at the forefront will put YOUR interests — not morality or social norms, and your interests.
Think about what he would advise, he would be allowed to say “no” in your case?3. Explain to the person that you would be happy to help, just you have no such possibility
: if you take the problem, you have to sacrifice other commitments you already have. This technique is often very useful, because sometimes it is easier to resist, if we are defending not only their interests but also the interests of other people who are already counting on our support.
In the end, you can help the person next time — this will allow you to look indifferent and unresponsive. But don't get carried away with this method. If you on every failure will be planning another act of altruism, you risk to get into the closed circle of continuous execution of other instructions. How? Very simple: each “no” will create future “Yes”, which, in turn, will Rob you of time, which you will have someone else to say “no”... Then you know.And remember: a truly reliable and responsive people — those who may, if necessary, when to say “no”, not summing neither himself nor others.
translation Anna Kiseleva
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©