Eckhart Tolle: the happy honeymoon to become a divorce Bashny.Net

Question: Why is one form of love a different form, even if another form does not like the first? Why true love is mutual? Why being in love is sometimes one-way traffic?

Eckhart Tolle: and so, one form another form of love unrequited. Why is this happening? And with that comes pain, a big pain. And this incredible pain experienced by many people. You know very well that one of the basic conditions of the selfish selfhood is deeply rooted feeling of need, lack, lack. And she's trying to Supplement yourself, using different strategies. Created by mind the self is trying to meet this need, which she feels almost constantly, except for brief moments when something is added to it, and for a moment the lack is not felt.





But it never lasts long. She then looks for the next object. She looks to the future to find something, and add to itself to fill the hole that's always there: "I don't feel full, I don't feel I ever reached."

All types of strategies come into play. And one of the main areas in which she is looking for something to fill the gap is the sphere of the relations of another person, he or she is. And then when it happens, all the attention of the self focuses on the person that is perceived unconsciously, as the one who will complete me, make me whole. He or she is the same one or the same one. And appears almost manic attachment to the image, the form of this man. And it's called "fall in love".

And sometimes, if you're lucky, the other person feels the same way about you that you will complement him or her. And of course, it seems wonderful. You both think that you complement each other. And then, you will probably want to marry, sign a contract, just to be sure that the rest of your life are you going to complement me, you will not leave me. Because if you break the contract and leave me, the consequences will be very unpleasant. So don't even think about it. And then you get married. It is at this usually end movies, and the Director says "Cut."

But life goes on. You get married and then maybe even during the honeymoon, the first question comes to your mind. To get anything out of this? Do another with this incredible goal Supplement me? And then begins a normal life: work, family. And gradually it seems that this no longer works. The feeling of lack returns. She or he does not behave as it was supposed to make me happy or happy. It can be read in the ads: "Looking for a man or woman so he or she made me so happy or happy."

Who can justify such hopes? No one else can. And then this lack, which was covered with a temporary illusion that this person will complement you, again appears. And this man was a pain, but you didn't know about it. This was a temporary illusion that this man will complete you. And suddenly, the feeling of incompleteness, loneliness, fear returned. But now, with your mind you put it on the other person, and say that he or she is the reason that I feel.

You feel selfish underlying condition. And now you feel it stronger because for some time before it was covered sex. And periodically, the love turns to hate.Whenever another person, in your opinion, is not fulfilling its duties, the love turns into aggression, anger. You completely draw into your shell:

— What's wrong, what's wrong?

— Nothing, just don't want to talk...

It can be anything. Or you throw something. Anything. And then your relationship to recover and some time again all goes well. And then again nothing happens. Turns out — not so, it turns out — does not work. Then periods when nothing happens, be more durable, and you don't like it. Happiness in marriage becomes the misfortune of co-existence. Happiness honeymoon to become a divorce. And in fact, are one and the same.

Thus, it was an attempt to Supplement ourselves with some external forms. Well, in the end, what happens? You feel incomplete stronger, and blamed this form that it has caused you this pain. This egoistic pain, and this pain appears from the relations of love-hatred.

The person who asked this question, of course, is not at this stage, because it is a unilateral movement, as he writes. He feels a great love for this form, but this love is unrequited. What to do in this case?

In this case, you lack, lack is even stronger. And it's very painful. And the mind has a tendency to invent and live out various fantasies, all sorts of stories. And the self is immersed in it. The image of me becomes very painful. And if it continues, it may happen that attraction turns to hatred. It may happen, I'm not saying that this will happen in your case. And then you realize it never was love actually.

Thus, what is called love is actually a deep-seated need of the ego, focusing on one form. Therefore, the opportunity that you have now, to feel what you're feeling, and try as often as possible to get out of the stories, fantasies, images, and moving in the mind. Pay more attention to this unpleasant painful feeling, and it is here that you should enter into a state of yielding, humility. What you feel is really selfish status, selfish, melancholic.

After that that person will come from time to time, and you focus on the feeling behind it. Accept this suffering. And any suffering that you take, thus, will work for you, transforming the ego. Any suffering that is accepted completely, converts the ego and also transforms itself suffering. So you have the opportunity to do this right now. If your love was mutual, you'd have to do it in a few years, as within a year or two you would have been delusional.

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: naturalworld.ru/article_ekhart-tolle-otnosheniya-mujchini-i-jenshchini.htm