Eckhart Tolle and Kim eng: power of love depends on how we are free from expectations

Kim eng, partner and wife of Eckhart Tolle.

Kim is not an enlightened master, she teaches yoga and works with Eckhart in the framework of its project to Eckhart Tolle TV, developing his teaching for many years.

Kim eng: during my travels one of the most frequently asked questions was:"How does it feel to meet with an enlightened being?" Why does this matter? Perhaps people have an idea or image of a perfect relationship, and they want to know more about it. May be, their mind tends to project itself in the future, when they will also meet with the ideal partner and will find yourself in it.
How does it feel to meet an enlightened creature?

While in my mind were the idea of "I'm in a relationship" or "I'm Dating" no matter with whom, I suffer. Here's what I learned.

With the concept of "relationship" come expectations, memories of past partners, and further personal and culturally conditioned concepts of what ought to be "relationship". And then I try to adjust reality to fit these concepts. And it does not fit. And I again suffer. The answer is in the fact that relations do not exist. There is only the present moment, and this moment is the only attitude.


How we relate, or rather how much we love, depends on how we are free from ideas, concepts and expectations.

Recently, I asked Eckhart to say a few words about the selfish search for "love relationships." Our conversation quickly went deeper to touch the most profound aspects of human existence. Here is what he said:

Eckhart Tolle: what is traditionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid making. Are you looking for someone to give you what may come to you only in a state of acceptance. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid forced adoption. The Spanish language is most transparent in this regard. It uses the same verb, te quiero, to mean "I love you" as to mean "I want you." For the ego to love and to want the same thing, when true love has no volition, no desire to possess nor the desire to change the partner.

Ego chooses someone and makes it special. It uses that person to cover permanent, inherent within the feeling of frustration, failure, anger and hatred, which are very close in meaning. It all faces one inherent, deep-seated feelings of human creatures, which are inseparable from the self to the state.

When the ego chooses something and says "I love you" or that is an unconscious attempt to close or remove deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the feeling of inferiority, which is so familiar.

For some time the illusion really works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you chose or made special in your eyes, fails to perform the function bedspreads for pain, hatred, discontent or unhappiness, all of which truly come from the state of insufficiency and incompleteness.

And then the feelings that were covered, go outside and are designed for the person who was chosen or made special, and who you were hoping for, "will save you."

And all of a sudden love turns into hatred. The ego does not understand that hatred is a projection of the universal pain in you. The ego believes that this person hurts. It does not realize that pain is a universal feeling of separateness with more profound level of your being – existence in unity with him.
The object of love is interchangeable, as well as the objects of egoistic desires. Some people go through many relationships. They fall in love many times.

They love humans for some time, until, until it stops working, because no one is able to close the pain. Only adoption can give you what you seek in the object of love. Ego says that adoption is not necessary because I love this man. Of course, it is an unconscious process.

At the moment when you fully accept what is, you get something that was covered by selfish desires. It is innate, living inside calm, quiet, vitality. It is an absolute that who you are at your essence. It is what you searched for in the object of love. It is you yourself.

When this happens, a completely different kind of love becomes present, which is no longer subject to love/hate. He doesn't choose one thing or person as special.

It's absurd to use the same word. It may happen that even in a normal relationship of love/hate, you can accidentally enter into a state of acceptance. This happens for a short time, you have a deep Universal Love and total acceptance, which sometimes glows in you even in that state the opposite of selfish relations.

If the adoption is not supported, then it is closed again the old selfish patterns of behaviour. So, I'm not saying that deep true Love can not from time to time be present even in a normal relationship of love/hate. But this is rare and usually only for a short time.

When you accept what is, something deeper emerges than what is. You can be trapped in the most painful problems, internally or externally, the most painful feelings or situation, but in the moment when you accept what is, you go beyond it. Even if you feel hatred, the moment you accept that that's what you feel, you transcend it. Hatred may still be, but suddenly you find yourself in a deeper place where it no longer matters.

The whole phenomenon of the Universe exists because of the confrontation of opposites. Hot and cold, growth and decline, UPS and downs, victories and defeats, polarity is a part of existence and, of course, part of any relationship.

Kim eng: Then it would be correct to say that we will never be able to get rid of the polarities?

Eckhart Tolle: We can never get rid of polarities on the level of forms. However, we can go beyond them through adoption.

Then you connect with that deep place within yourself where, as such, the polarities no longer exist.

They continue to exist on the external level. However, even there, something changes in how the polarities manifest in your life when you are in a state of acceptance and humility. Polarity appear more soft and easy way.

Than you are more unconscious, the more you identify with form. The essence of unconsciousness is this: identification with form, regardless of whether it is an external form (a situation, place, event or experience) or thought or emotion. The stronger the attachment to the form, the deeper you are in a state of failure, and the more extreme nasilstvennoe and worse you experience polarity.

On this planet there are people who live in a virtual hell, while the other, on the same planet, live a relatively quiet life. Those who live with inner peace still have polarity, but gorazdo softer, less extreme way, which many people still get that.

So, the way in which tested the polarity changes. The polarities cannot be eliminated, but we can say, the whole universe becomes somewhat more benevolent. She no longer looks so threatening. The world is no longer perceived as hostile, as to perceive his ego.

Kim eng: If awakening or a life in an awakened state does not change the natural order of things, duality, conflict of opposites that gives life in the waking state? This affects the world or only on some subjective experience of the world?

Eckhart Tolle: When you live in acceptance, something comes through you into the world of duality that is not of this world.

Kim eng: Change whether this is in fact the external world?

Eckhart Tolle: External and internal, ultimately, unified. When you no longer perceive the world as hostile, fear no more, and when fear is no more, you think, speak and act differently.

There love and compassion, and they affect the world. Even if you find yourself in a conflict situation, peace will arise in polarity. And then something will change.

Some of the masters and the teachings say that nothing has changed. Changing something very important. That which is beyond form shines through the form, the inner light through the form of this world of forms.

Kim eng: is it Correct to say that the lack of resisting your reactions, your acceptance of the opposites of this world will bring changes in the way the opposites manifest?

Eckhart Tolle: Yes. Opposites continue to happen, but they are no longer fueled by you. You pointed out a very important point: the lack of response means that polarity does not aktiviziruyutsya. That is, you often experience a collapse of the polarities, for example, in conflict situations. No man or situation is not turned into an enemy.

Kim eng: so, The opposites, instead of strengthen, weaken. And maybe that is how they begin to dissolve.

Eckhart Tolle: that's right, living this way is the beginning of the end of the world. published

Translation: Madlen Duval

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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