Psychologist for 40 years watched over the relations of pairs and called 4 phases, leading to breakup Bashny.Net

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Relationship is a science. American psychologist John Gottman knows this firsthand, because he studied them for over 40 years. To "diagnose" the status of couples and to render a verdict on its future, it is enough to spend only a few minutes. Sad ending, most likely, waiting for a couple if the partners ' behaviour corresponds to one of the 4 dangerous types, which Gottman calls the "horsemen of the Apocalypse" for relationships.

The website invites all to carefully study the recommendations of the expert to protect his love against adversity.

Contempt





Features: one of the lovers makes fun of another in private or in society, deliberately giving offensive nicknames and considered opinion. Simply put, any way shows that does not appreciate it and feels much more meaningful man.

How to fix: to put yourself in the place of a loved one, which became the subject of mockery, and try to see the situation through his eyes. And then stop letting yourself too free treatment and each time you desire again angrily to a joke or a stab remember how much you care about him.

Criticism





Signs: one partner is irritated because of any misstep I made another. For example, if one partner left in the sink dirty dish, another thinks it his duty to tell him what he is a slob, go to the abuse and remember all the similar situation. In the end the criticism does not even this act, and the personality of the beloved, break out words like "You always do everything wrong!".

How to fix: not to use aggressive tone in conversation, and in any case not to take one small problem to millions of others. If you calmly ask your mate next time to do differently, better yet, say it in passing, without attaching much importance to the situation, the result will be much better.

Defensive behavior





Features: one of a pair of feels that you did something wrong and in order to avoid criticism, tries to defend himself immediately, and quite aggressively. For this case the typical phrases like: "in fact, I shouldn't have to!", "It's not my fault!", etc. as a result, the partner in disbelief abruptly begins to speak and it all comes down to the painful mutual claims.

How to fix: in such cases, it is much easier to take responsibility for their behavior and in time to apologize. So you don't waste a lot of time on pointless bickering and be able to use it for more pleasant things.

Avoidance of conflict





Signs: feeling that a storm is coming, some prefer time to close the shell, namely to respond to the claims unemotional and short, bristling at the TV, pretending to hear nothing, or even leave the room or house. At best the second half loudly Express everything he thinks about this behavior and it will calm down, and at worst terribly offended by such composure, and also will not try to solve the problem.

How to fix: in any case not to run away and not to worry it all inside, to try to resolve the difficulty peacefully, because if this is not done, she will emerge in the future and remind myself in a more alarming scale.

Source iflscience
Illustrator Astkhik Rakimova specifically for the Website


See also
10 simple truths about relationships, about which you shouldn't forget
If you are not sure that it's love


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